breaking my silence, bad teeth

[misdee]

this is taking a lot for me to type this, as i am suffering immense guilt and feel like a shitty parent.

dd4 has terrible teeth. one tooth has crumbled away, and she has decay on 3 other teeth. she has been seen by the dentist.

i know its my fault.

but it was a case of getting food into her as her weight was dipping (91st to 25th), due to allergies.

her dentist says atm there isnt much they can do. she isnt in pain and no infection so no need to remove teeth.b due to dd4 age, any work needed would have to be done in the hospital anyway.

just feeling crappy about it, as i have failed dd4 in this.

theres a lot of back story regarding sleep, food, reflux etc, but to me thats not an excuse. i failed.

now

she weighs a little over 20lb now.

She's gorgeous Misdee

it looks like she's put on weight misdee, she looks like a lovely healthy little girl.

I know how frustrating it is about the teeth, so many people equate bad teeth with bad parenting but that's just not true.

thank you. she had such a hard time over the two winters (she is a nov baby) and i am dreading this coming winter. she has spent a lot of time in a+e with breathing issues.

i did say there was a big back story
quite simply, since she has been born she has had health issue on top of health issue. she has the allergies, asthma, eczema, but also has hypermobility and only recently started to walk, but is very 'stiff'. we are debating giving her another month to see if she loosens up when walking or to go back to see about physio. as well as that she had some chest infections, ear infections etc when she was under 5months old.

Just wanted to say, she looks absolutely beautiful in both photos. That's what I would notice if I met her.

Try not to be too hard on yourself - sounds like you have both had a lot to deal with over the months, and you can only do the best you can at the time. I'm sure there's a reason we get milk teeth before the adult ones.

Plus, there is life after fillings - I can vouch for that .

She's gorgeous! She looks so much healthier in the most recent photo: you did what you had to do to get weight onto her. You have not failed.

thank you all. i still guilty, and i think i always will.

she is such a happy little girl, and when she is in hospital, she just lies there all miserable until they start her nebulisers etc, then starts charming the nurses. last time in the ambulance she was holding her own mask and wouldnt let it go.

She's really beautiful misdee

I have really crap teeth, always have had; it's annoying to have had so many fillings etc. but it honestly hasn't been a massive life problem. Interestingly, my best friend who has lived a pretty similar lifestyle to me (typical unhealthy 70s/80s childhood, feckless pub-heavy young adulthood, lots of sweets etc.) and she has never had to have a single thing done to her teeth. Her dentist practically begged her to have a filling, just for the experience So I do think luck of the draw has a lot to do with it.

Anyone who judges you or your child on first glance is a twat not worth bothering with.

i am biased and do think she is ultra lovely. she is still so little for her age, but last year was horrible.

but dentist sais she can still have her biscuits, but to have them in one sitting, rather than throughout the day. so one sugary hit, rather than spread out iyswim.

she is sooo good about brushing her teeth as well. she was proudly showing Peter how to brush teeth today. she doesnt usually see him when she does it as he is at work, or she is having her bath in the evening and we do it then.

I was in the same boat. Gave both my kids watered down orange juice by the bottleful (not watered down anywhere near enough), thinking I was giving them something natural and 'healthy' and it rotted their teeth. Limited sweets and sugary desserts and all that, but kept giving them their bottles of orange juice. Can't believe I was so utterly stupid. Remember the horror when I first noticed the damage on my tiny son. Daughter's front two teeth went black and rotted away. It was absolutely awful and I felt like the worst mother in the world.

I stopped the drinks immediately and came clean to the dentist about my son .. but I did tell a porky about my daughter as hers were so bad. I told them she'd fallen out of bed and smashed the front teeth and they'd gone black - she was too little to know otherwise and accepted this story. Never forget this tiny little thing sitting there on the dentist's chair having her front teeth yanked out. She had gappy front teeth for years ... at an age when kids shouldn't.

Am pleased to report as young teenagers they now have lovely teeth that they take great care of, but I'll never forget how ashamed I was at the time. There's so much to do, and remember as a parent. We all do our best, but sometimes we get it wrong.

Misdee she is gorgeous. Can't believe she is 19 months! Where does the time go?

I do think some people just have weaker teeth tbh. And she seems to have drawn the short straw with other issues thatcontributed too.

But it is not your fault. At all. Much more important to get food into her. Fingers crossed next winter will be better now she is a bitbigger and hopefully stronger.

Fontella - you know, it's possible dd did have a fall and you didn't know about it...my 15mo is falling all the time, and sometimes it's hard for me to know whether he's hurt anything or not!

i noticed dd4 tooth problems after a tumble down the stairs. she had cut her lip and gum, and i thought it was blood on her teeth. then saw the hole

Misdee she is lovely.

I have had huge problems with my teeth. It genuinely was my mothers fault, she never ever got me to brush my teeth, never bought me a toothbrush or took me to a dentist until I was 6 years old - and only then cos I was in agony with the widespread decay and 'kept moaning about it.'

You and your dd are a whole world away from that. You practice good dental hygiene, and I give my dd chocolate, cake, buns and biscuits as she is on the lightweight side and her calories do need 'topping up.'

You honestly really and truly have no need to feel guilty, reflux will also be hard on teeth, but that can't be helped. Give yourself a break, please.

She's beautiful, but I think that her health issues are taking their toll on you?

Do you have parents support group you can talk to?

i'm a regular at baby groups, chat to HV's a lot about it and am very well supported. but this is just the one thing i feel is my fault iyswim. the rest is out of my hands, her teeth werent.

just having a bad day. tomorrow is better.

also felt reassured by the dentist, she was so lovely, and when she saw dd4's medical history she did feel for us iyswim.

also, i have noticed over the years on here, tat teeth problems arent openly discussed. people dont want to admit their kids have 'bad' teeth. so i feel a bit odd discussing it iyswim.

You are not a bad mother your dd's teeth are the result of her health issues.
ds2 has poor teeth (despite good cleaning & diet) because he has reflux/asthma/cp/recurring infections/frequent antibiotics etc etc etc.

Its not your fault.

I know exactly where you're coming from. DD has brown stains on her front teeth and I'm too embarrassed to take her to the dentist. Although she was BF till 2, she was dairy/egg free till then too (due to my allergies) and now won't drink milk which doesn't help.

I'm going to have to bite the bullet and go aren't I?

As an aside to the teeth. DS is on a "get fat" diet, I am allergic to egg/dairy so like you adding butter to mash etc is out. I add olive oil or coconut oil to things or mashed avacado.

On the positive side - these are milk teeth

You can do all the high-calcium stuff religiously now - and hope it all gets sorted out in time for secondary teeth

Well, I'm the same as a lot of people on here, feeling guilty but not sure how to get round the problem. DS2 is 4 and his teeth are VERY yellow. The dentist has seen them and I admitted that it's probably because DS really only drinks fruit juice (mainly apple juice, diluted slightly) in large amounts. He simply won't drink the same amount of water that he will fruit juice or diluted squashes. And the problem is also the WAY he drinks it - he will have a little bit then come back to it a bit later and have a bit more, then leave a gap and have a bit more. All not good I know. DS2 has lovely teeth and drinks the same drinks but drinks in a different way - he'll go ages without a drink and then drink it all up in one go, so limiting the contact with his teeth.

DS won't drink any milk either and so hardly gets any calcium as he's a very fussy eater. It's a worry. Am feeling your pain!!

Well, I'm the same as a lot of people on here, feeling guilty but not sure how to get round the problem. DS2 is 4 and his teeth are VERY yellow. The dentist has seen them and I admitted that it's probably because DS really only drinks fruit juice (mainly apple juice, diluted slightly) in large amounts. He simply won't drink the same amount of water that he will fruit juice or diluted squashes. And the problem is also the WAY he drinks it - he will have a little bit then come back to it a bit later and have a bit more, then leave a gap and have a bit more. All not good I know. DS2 has lovely teeth and drinks the same drinks but drinks in a different way - he'll go ages without a drink and then drink it all up in one go, so limiting the contact with his teeth.

DS won't drink any milk either and so hardly gets any calcium as he's a very fussy eater. It's a worry. Am feeling your pain!!

misdee, my brother had terrible teeth when he was little, really terrible and like your dd4 he had a lot of health issues.
He had very bad reflux from birth, so was never properly nourished and within his first year was hospitalised 3 times, once with a kidney infection, once with pneumonia and once with meningitis.
I think my Mum tried very hard but had a very hard time getting any food into him, he was bf till he was over 3, which was very unusual in those days ( 1980's) I do remember my Dad giving him weak tea with 3 spoons of sugar in it on a regular basis and I think it may have been to get calories into him.
His second teeth are perfect though.

I do think a lot of it is genetic though, my ds3 and ds4 eat and drink all sorts of rubbish and have perfect teeth ( Very un-PFB!)

My DGD who is 2 eats very well and her teeth are black. The dietician and dentist said it is nothing to do with diet it is the acid reflux. So this could be a contributing factor.

I have good teeth, and tbh, I do very little with them. brush twice a day, and that's it.I've never had a filling. I haven't been to a dentist in 10 years ( I'm 25). My sister has shit teeth. Had braces, regular checkups, numerous fillings, goes to the dentist every 6 months. I honestly think it's genetic. Please don't blame yourself. I have seen the amount of time and effort my sister has put into just trying to get my nephew to eat and it is so, so difficult. You are doing a great job. Please don't be so hard on yourself.