breaking my silence, bad teeth

[misdee]

this is taking a lot for me to type this, as i am suffering immense guilt and feel like a shitty parent.

dd4 has terrible teeth. one tooth has crumbled away, and she has decay on 3 other teeth. she has been seen by the dentist.

i know its my fault.

but it was a case of getting food into her as her weight was dipping (91st to 25th), due to allergies.

her dentist says atm there isnt much they can do. she isnt in pain and no infection so no need to remove teeth.b due to dd4 age, any work needed would have to be done in the hospital anyway.

just feeling crappy about it, as i have failed dd4 in this.

theres a lot of back story regarding sleep, food, reflux etc, but to me thats not an excuse. i failed.

silence broke. i know its a taboo subject

No you haven't failed, of course you haven't.

I know your dd4 has allergies and this can cause teeth issues due to mouth breathing, especially if she has a blocked up nose.

My ds is the same and for the past few months I have been obsessively trying to brush his teeth three times a day to get rid of the plaque, but it's still there, and my dentist says the mouth breathing is the cause.

Will post again in a minute.

oh, I'm sorry, misdee

no real expertise in this, but I have very soft teeth - despite good tooth care routine (same as a child), and not a huge amount of suagr in diet (I do eat it, uually after meals), and regular dentist's visits, etc, for years my teeth just crumbled away.

my mother always put it down to her being so stressed during pregnancy - quite ill (I was pregnancy 6 in just under 6 years), and malnourished herself, thereofre maybe I didn't get enough nutrients etc.

useless to say it, but don't fell guilty - you did what oyu needed ot do at teh time, and you are getting it sorted out now.

that really sucks misdee.
my middle one has food intolerances and I am similar with just giving him stuff just to get food into him.
the thing is, you did what you needed to do at the time, and that's not a bad thing
there is a great quote I read once that said so,ething like

"when we knew what we knew we did what we did, when we knew better we did better"

from now on in things can change right? and I know it's probably not much consolation but at least it's just baby teeth
has the dentist given any advice on caring for them? and possibly more importantly, have you seen a nutritionist or anything for ways of keeping her intake up without doing more damage?

fwiw, I think a lot of teeth problems are down to genetics anyway. I was breastfed, never had a dummy/bottle etc.
we were never allowed sugary snacks or anythi9ng, and yet I have awful teeth.
it isn't always what you've done that's made teeth bad

My ds is now 20 months and has also dipped off the growth curves from 75th to off the bottom of the chart, and because of that he eats very regularly in an effort to get his weight up - it is terrifying to be interrogated by the doctors regarding his slow weight gain and being told that he HAD to put on weight.

So I fed him as often and I'm sure this has contributed to the plaque - but what are we supposed to do when the doctors tell us our baby is too small?

And before anyone dares mention it;s due to being bf, my dd2 was bf day and night round the clock until she was 19 months old and has got the most perfect teeth. Genetics has a lot to answer for.

DS1 has bad teeth apparently and like you, I feel pretty guilty about it.

However, I have really weak teeth and have always needed fillings and stuff whereas DH has hardly needed any treatment in his 50 years on this planet. I do think therefore that alot of it is genetic and that's that.

The dentist made me feel terrible, attributing it to his diet without knowing anything of what he eats but he really does eat quite well and not much sweet stuff at all. He brushes his teeth twice a day religously aswell.

Please don't beat yourself up about it, as thisisyesterday says, we do the best we can and can do no more.

yes she sees a dietician. we have been in a horrid circle of avoid dairy, trying to keep soya products out for as long as possible as her allergy consultant hasnt want soya in under 2's (dd4 is 19months), a lot of high calcium stuff is nut based (peanut allergy). so she does have a biscuit habit. which i dont mind as its one thing she can eat and gets some weight on her. she cant have eggs either.

its a constant balence, and i feel like i have dropped the ball.

dentist was fab. loads of advice and discussion. doesnt stop me feeling like a crap mum though

i feel worse as its one of her side front teeth and very noticable, and i feel judged if anyone sees her teeth

i think whats made me feel worse was that thread ages ago about someone judging a little boy on a train/tube who had rotton teeth

Can I just ask - how do you know if your toddlers have bad teeth? I can put my hand up and say that I've been a bit remiss in looking/paying much attention to it.

Thanks for that Riven.

Misdee the only people that judge other parents without knowing the first thing about them are twats - you know that you did what you had to.

Reflux is terrible on the teeth, that's not your fault. It's really important for children that don't eat well to have enough calories, regardless of sugar content, that's not your fault. She couldn't eat most of the high-calcium foods, that's not your fault.

She has a second chance with the adult teeth. You did the best you could with the hand your daughter was dealt.

Ds has bad adult teeth coming through now (he is 6) because of all the antibiotics he had from newborn to about 4.5. If he hadn't have had them then I doubt he would even be here today so I figure it is a small price to pay.

they said they will start flouride treatment when she is closer to 3yrs old as she is still young.

she had a lot of antibiotics when tiny as was very unwell, inhalers havent helped the situation etc etc.

yeah ab's can affect teeth can't they?

re the calcium, have you thought about supplements? a friend of mine was telling me ages ago about how all supplements are not equal, but had given me a link to a decent kids calcium supp, but i can';t remember it now. can find out though if you're interested?

ds2 has fortified oat milk, which has same calcium as semi-skimmed milk so i am not too worried with him. it's getting fats into him that concerns me!

we have started her on unsweetened soya milk and have oat milk to try. but getting enough fats into her is hard. i cant exactly add butter and milk to mashed potatoes etc.

she eats really healthily, but a little too healthily iyswim. will find a pic of her soon when she was dropping through the lines.

yeah it's hard isn't it?
i add extra olive oil into tomato sauces etc on pasta, and into soups
ds2 also likes olives (in oil) and avocados thankfully

and of course we're alright with nuts which i add into all kinds of stuff!"!!

just over a year old she still fits in thos pj's now, but actually has a layer or fat on her now, not just skin.