soiling herself ; not doing it in toilet.....any help/adbvice out there?

[charlie95]

DD, now age 3.5yrs, fully toilet trained 1st june. took to it straightaway - no accidents. prior to this was not ready at all.
started nursery in big school in september -been fine and looking forward to it.
has since had few incidents of being naughty and silly and been told off for it.
but now last couple of weeks will not poo in toilet at home or in school.
they now have to phone me to get her because "they cant have one member of staff seeing to her when that person needs to be in a group doing work" (foundation phase requirement).
it happended y'day, last friday and once week before in school. its very depressing as i told the teacher y'day (being told that shes either been naughty or doing this).
altho full time place in school actually only half a day (til 1.30) with lunch at moment and after half term option of staying there til 2pm or 3 pm (the full day for nursery).
i gave her lactulose this morning, and will do this week, before school to try and regulate her so that she goes at home and not in school. but dont know what else to do or how to deal with it etc.
teachers also suggested if it carries on then see GP - what would they do ? unnecessary tests that would then make her upset about even going to toilet at all ?
hopefully, no offence, someones been thru this before out there ?
shes never behaved like this before. shes actually quite bright and loves learning - reading letters at moment.

anybody at all ?

sigh - this always happens to me . no-one bothers to reply

aaaw, why do you think it's happening? what's your gut instinct?

Maybe thus far no-one has any advice/answers? I'm not sure I can help, either - one daughter, 14months, not yet at that kind of stage so not sure.

Also, it's not really clear exactly what is happening to make them call you? What is she doing?

Is it you or the school that thinks she is being naughty?

Is she afraid of going to school? Worried about missing something because she is on the loo?

I don't have personal experience of this but I have a friend whose son really struggled with going to the toilet when he started school Her best guess was that it was because he didn't want to miss anything 'good' and then he was caught short once he had waited too long.

Are you sure she is not constipated? Loose poo slides past the impacted poo and leaks out. It is not done on purpose and the child cannot 'help it'.

My ds did this and had to be prescribed lactulose to sort it.

Search soiling, pooing, encopresis on here and there are quite a few threads with lots of advice.

hth

thanks everyone.
its not even clear to me how and what the exact circumstances are of her doing it in school. but it has only been happening since shes had 2 tellings off for naughtiness in school - first throwing sand over other children and second was throwing toy car at someone (who she claimed in the night at home he hurt her with a car first)
i can clearly see her mood and body language/facial expressions now change when she sees her teacher (who actually is lovely and great teacher) when we get there in the mornings. she seems to like school and has been ready for it since before the summer hols. even at halloween disco the pta did last night her teacher was there and she wasnt keen, then she fell at one point and teacher helped her up.
i dont think it is constipation altho had that when much younger hence lactulose prescribed.
today she was fine in school. thumbs up from teacher. lots of outdoor activities today. told me she did wee on toilet (at least) still no poo yet.
dreading tomorrow now as to what will happen, and when i should give her the lactulose, and when exactly it will work.
i will look up those other names you mentioned anyway. and i know i got half term week to crack it really.
cheers for now.

Hi Charlie, toiletting is such a apin isn't it because its the one thing society is soo hung up about yet to a small child its the most natural thing in the world and no big deal (initially).

My dd is 3.6 and still has several accidents a day (wee and poo). She has far more accidents at nursery (goes to nursey where I work and has been there since a baby so no problems at nursery). The staff say she avoids going to the toilet and refuses to go if they ask her as she is afraid that if she leaves a toy to go to toilet another child will play with it. She says she doesn't like the toilets .

I'm hoping school will be better as at school they all go to the toilet at break times together.

By the way, DS is in yr 1 and says he's never done a poo at school (cant wipe his bum yet!) so I guess they learn to control it.

Good luck.

Have a look at the other threads. It might give you more suggestions.

Sorry, didn't see that you had tried lactulose.

I found with ds (who was 5/6yrs at time) that he needed the dose upped to 10mls twice/day to get things moving but he had had problems for over a year.

If the one dose at 5 mls doesn't work, then you could try giving another 5mls in the evening. It should only soften it, not make her explode, lol.

I also found one of the problems with ds was that he was not drinking enough water each day.

I think half term could be good to help you get back 'on track' and re-inforce that doing poos in the loo is good and she get lots of praise/reward for doing so. If it IS behavioural, I would imagine that approach would help too.

I also found with ds that it was important to not tell him that dirty pants meant that he had been naughty. That was a huge step forward for making him feel better about himself.

hth