Nightmare holiday with 3yo DS

[Aperolspritzers]

Currently on our first family holiday with DS (3) and DD (1). DS has taken the change in routine and new location really badly. Constant meltdowns, very, very naughty, keeps running away from us - in the dining hall, in the street onto the road, around the marina. Everyday is a battle to keep him to listen to us and do simple things as let us dress him - we eventually will get to then he’ll take his clothes off. It takes us hours to get out in the morning. At times he can have a vacant expression when we try to talk to him. Hardly eating a bite just wants ice lollies. Totally obsessed with slot machine rides and the iPad which were reducing screen time daily. He’s being aggressive to his sister too. Is this behaviour normal because of change in routine? Is the change in location to his home and the heat bringing out this reaction in him?

At home he’s totally fine in nursery 4 days a week, struggle sometimes going in in the mornings, but otherwise no issues. I’m so worried, I see other little boys having a great time and in the pool and behaving at the dinner table but my own is leaving us heartbroken. This reaction is extreme. We saved a long time and all badly needed this break but I feel my little one is really unhappy or possible ND signs?

You've given a 3-year-old iPad time already - enough that you're trying to reduce it? What is he doing on it?

I thought the addictive nature of screens was fairly well-known.

(Eta - so I'm wondering if that has contributed to what you're seeing)

3 is a very trying age as it is so you have my sympathies.

He is just confused by the new location and new routine. Stick it out and things will get better when you get home.

It’s normal. We had a holiday like this w DS. He developed a massive fear of water after being splashed by a wave at the beach. Tantrums every day etc etc.
On the last day he decided he liked water and started randomly jumping into the swimming pool.
We found that holidays in places that looked like homes worked better for us. Rather than hotels.
When we got home he was overjoyed to see all his toys again and picked them all up one by one. Toddlers are funny creatures.

Holidays with small small kids are well accepted to be hell on wheels!

Holidays with babies and toddlers aren't holidays, it's just hard work in another location. It sounds pretty normal and is the reason why we didn't go on holiday for 5 years when our DCs were little.

He watches toddler appropriate cartoons and sketches like Postman Pat, Blippi and Mr Tumble. Maybe 1 hr a day max. I agree, I hate that they’ve ever been invented but it gives him a distraction so we can dress/feed baby etc.

Three is tricky. I don’t necessarily agree with the idea that you can’t enjoy holidays with young kids. We’ve always enjoyed holidays with our two young DC, now 4 and 7, they’ve obviously had the odd moment, but generally we’ve always had a nice time, they’ve enjoyed themselves, we’ve done lots of activities and had fun, etc. But that doesn’t mean your experience is abnormal - a friend of mine spent most of her holiday in their hotel room as their 3yo refused to do anything or go anywhere!

I speak as an oldie here. I remember my little brother being like this on holidays when I was a child. Would eat nothing. Total change in character. No interaction with others. Very difficult to handle.

That little brother is a middle aged man now. Autistic (not diagnosed until 40!). We all just thought he was a bit of a handful. Your post has just reminded and I had that lightbulb moment.

Holiday with a 1 and 3 yo isn't a break. Lower your expectations.

Yeah I agree, not expecting a break as such. More concerned about the drastic change in his character.

Are you sure he’s well? He might have tonsillitis or something

Ah ok I wasn't sure if 'iPad time' was basically watching TV, or games etc!

Have you gone on a plane to get there?

My wild theory is some young kids develop ear pain and infections from flying and also pool water in ears.

Kids have smaller ear canals etc and the pressure can be painful on plane journeys which puts them out of sorts for a while

Kids don't eat much on holiday. They get hot and over-excited. Mine used to manly exist on juice (which they wouldn't really get at home and ice cream/ lollies. Roll with it.

My dc did this. We didn’t go away again for a few years because it was horrific.

Is he sleeping well. Loosing even 30 mins of sleep compared to normal can turn a 3 yr old into a terrorist

From my experience of taking my now 7 and 4 year olds on holiday I wouldn’t say this behaviour is normal, no. Whilst holidays with kids can be hard work for parents, the kids have usually had a whale of a time and that far outweighs any odd moments they’ve had. It does sound like something else is going on, and my immediate thought was ND when you listed his behaviours.

We nearly came home from a Devon holiday with ds once, it was that bad! Sympathy OP. DD was hideous at 2.5 but is nice at three!

Wait a few years before going away again

Totally normal!! Exactly what my ds was doing including pulling her sister’s hair while in the plane and them having a full blown fight in the air!! I also suspected the heat being a trigger as it only gets that hot here occasionally rather than everyday!!

Kids that age like routine, there's no reason why they would want to go to a new place. It's the parents that want to go away, not the DC.

You have a one year old. I imagine your 3 year old has gone through the upheaval and stress of having to deal with a new sibling. He has coped with that, got settled into a familiar routine at nursery. Now he finds himself in a strange place, different bed, different food and with the small sibling there all the time. He is probably struggling, overstimulated and ovrertired. He won't see a holiday from the same perspective as you. Lots of little children don't cope well with holidays. In a couple of years he might find it easier.

I find the commentary that going abroad with babies and toddlers to not be enjoyable really interesting. Mine are 4 and 1 and we’ve been abroad 3 times (only once with both) and absolutely loved it each time, some of my favourite memories in the world. Such a shame he is struggling is he having a sleep in the day? My oldest dropped his nap in the day about 21 months but we found on holiday he done between with a good 1.5-2hr sleep in the day and then staying up until we went to bed was better. A couple of days he did skip having one and those day we did see a bit more in terms of tantrums etc. how’s his speech, can he express what is wrong at all?

I hope things have improved for you, OP!

I think it depends on the dynamic with a partner, the children themselves and many factors.

it’s not just kids that struggle to settle in different places. Also if the partner decides they are “on holiday” therefore not doing any heavy lifting of parenting it’s shit for the other parent who is basically being the same as home without any of the things that make it easier.

you may be in the minority finding it joyful and it’s brilliant. Im glad it’s not rough for everyone