Handhold please - toddler nearly died

[greeneyessparksfly]

Just that really,..the last 24. Hours feel surreal. Our almost two year old choked on some food last night. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced, I remember looking over at him as he started to choke and even though he was still breathing at that point, I knew I needed to call 999. Within about minute of calling he had stopped breathing, he just went rigid and his jaw clenched and we were trying everything to help him dislodge the food but couldn’t. My husband did the heimleich manouvre, back slaps, I was trying to get into his mouth to try and get the food out but his jaw was just clamped shut so hard I had to prise it open but nothing worked. Then he just went floppy and the colour drained out of him, he went blue so quickly, all his limbs, his whole little body, and he just didn’t look like him at all. It was awful: We thought he was dead. I can still hear my husband shouting to the call handler that he was dying. We have since worked out he had no oxygen for probably about three minutes (although can’t be sure exactly, it felt like a lifetime) and somehow in that time the 999 handler managed to get us to do cpr (which I did) and I also pushed my fingers down his throat so far that whatever it was got pushed further in and all of a sudden he just began breathing again. Our poor elder son saw the whole thing, but by the time the paramedics arrived we had got him back round, 8 minutes in total from us calling to them arriving. We are sat in hospital now. He’s recovered thank god, but hes being monitored., just needed to get it out somewhere.

i thought I’d be better than I was in that scenario, i though if something happened I’d be able to be calm but I was a mess. We both were. I’m terrified it’s going to happen again. We came so close to losing him.

if anyone has any good ideas on how to process this going forward, or suggestions on how to not feel so blinded sided if it ever happens again please share.,I feel like we almost let him down by panicking and I can’t bear the thought of how it was very nearly a different ending.

So sorry to hear this OP. My friend had a similar situation and also revived her DC. Like her you're an absolute hero and did amazingly. Hope he recovers swiftly and wishing you all the best.

Im so sorry to hear OP and glad he is OK.

I'm sorry you all went through that, it's traumatic. My son was little and was choking, I tried everything but then he managed to cough it up himself. Those moments seemed to last forever and were awful. At least you're at the other end of it now and I hope you little one will be ok.

It honestly sounds like, between you, you did brilliantly. But of course you wouldn't have been calm, this was your child. And you must have done a pretty amazing job, because he has recovered. Between you, you saved his life. You're awesome.

But yes, you're going to be much more anxious for a while going forward, and I don't think there's an easy fix for that, because your brain will be in overdrive. One (daft sounding) thing I would suggest is both download tetris on your phone, and play it in any spare moments over the next few days. There's some evidence that it reduces the chances of developing PTSD from your experience. Good luck.

Wow you poor things! I can't begin to imagine.

I think you just have to keep saying 'The worst didn't happen - he's OK' to yourself, research first aid for choking kids and consider what he's eating (nothing windpipe-hole shaped).

That's the part of the worry in your control, so control that as far as you can and try to let the rest go.

I had a trauma recently; for a while I was easily triggered, but it wasn't long before it passed - I think that unless you get unlucky and develop PTSD, the body is quite good at blotting out these kinds of memories (like with childbirth).

Best wishes to your boy x

You say you didn't handle it well but actually you did, you both did all the right things. You can't expect yourself to feel calm in those circumstances; the important thing is you held it together enough to do what you needed to do. It's a horrible shock though, be kind to yourself.

OMG. You absolute hero. You saved your sons life.
Never mind being calm. The adrenaline was what was needed and you saved his life.
Yes, awful situation. But it’s over now and he’s fine. It’s gone and done, because you and your husband were there and did what was needed.
You will probably need some counselling and you will probably thing about this every day for the rest of your life but you’ll be OK and thanks to you so will your little boy.

Please just give yourself time. It was terrifying, you dealt with it really well, but it will take time to process.

Being able to talk about your feelings is very important.

Don't expect to feel chilled around food etc. straight away, it's natural to be afraid.

But people recover, just be as kind to yourself as you will be to your kids.

Well done for handling it. You rang quickly, you followed instructions.

Just wanted to give you a massive virtual hug x

I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this. Like pp have said , you both did incredibly well.
when I was coming out of a traumatic experience recently , my friend said to remind myself that the experience would , one day, be thought of and told of as a story ( from the past)
I found it reassuring to hear this comment

I agree with those who say you handled it well. 👏👏👏
Is there some reason why you think it might happen again? Does he have trouble swallowing or something? Choking on food is not a commonplace thing so unless there are special circumstances there's no reason to think it will happen again. I understand the fear of that though.

You did amazingly. You really did.
downland and okay the game Tetris. There was research showing playing it in the aftermath of a trauma meant you were less likely to develop PTSD

I choked on a piece of chicken about 5 years ago, in my 50s. Most terrifying experience of my life. I thought I was going to die. I couldn't breathe.
DH did the Heimlich and it didn't work.
My advice to anyone in the situation with someone choking is to not be concerned about breaking ribs etc. hit them has hard as you can, again and again.

You did all the right things and your little boy is alive thanks to you and his Dad. ❤️
You asked what you might be able to do so that if it happens again you wouldn't be so blind sided - see if you can find a paediatric first aid course in your area. They cover everything from falls, choking, cuts etc to more serious things. They are always well worth doing and can help to give you a bit of confidence going forward.

Oh god I feel for you. My heart is thumping just reading your OP.

First and foremost: Well done! You may feel that you panicked, but you saved your boy's life. You are amazing parents.

How to get past this? Accept it. It happened, it was terrifying. This part is over. Your older child will need reassurance. It's good for them to see mummy and daddy recover from upset. It's OK to be upset.

Going forward: do a Paediatric First Aid course. It will give you confidence and reassure you that you can look after your dc.

I had done several First Aid at Work courses over the years, never had to use them. My qualification had long since lapsed on the day my ds choked, went silent, and then blue. We were alone at home. My training took over - even though I had never cleared a blockage from anyone's throat before. I just did it. I did what I had to do and my boy survived.

As did yours. Hug each other, because you are fantastic and now you need to reassure each other.

Wow I felt so emotional reading that
I am so sorry you all went through that
That sounds so scary

You' poor thing. No wonder you're shaken. You did brilliantly.

If you feel you need a bit of piece of mind going forwards, take a look at the LifeVac.

Absolutely terrible time for you op. Take the time you need to process it. Hope your son is allowed home soon.

As an aside, I do think we encourage small children to move onto solid/hard/lumpy foods far too soon

My son regularly gagged on chunks until the age of three. So I kept him on smoother/softer stuff. It hasn't harmed his development at all.

Thank you everyone, reading through your messages has helped so much, you’re all so kind. Thank you to those who suggested the first aid courses, I’ve just had a look through and found some daisy first aid courses in my area, I think I’ll book one and get our family to do it,

DS does have a couple of health things, sorry to drip feed, he has a right aortic arch (heart) which has never really affected him but he does have some vague breathing issues, mostly rattly/wet breathing that they have been trying to the bottom of - not in his chest but it sounds like it comes from higher up but because he hasnt seemed affected by it a great deal it’s been on the radar but not super urgent, nothing like this has ever happened. We were actually in the process of waiting for a bronchoscopy procedure to see what was causing it, and only last week I’d said to my husband that I was worried we were putting him through it when maybe he didn’t need it. Well now of course I feel awful, the hospital we are in have said they want to try and bring it forward - perhaps tomorrow if they can but we will know more in the morning, They want to rule out that the two things aren’t linked.

im so sorry to those of you who experienced similar - they must have been terrifying experiences. You’re all amazing.

Thank you to those who mentioned Tetris, I’ve had emdr done before and part of me worried I’m going to hold onto this and not let it go, I think people are right that I somehow need to accept it and that he’s here and safe, otherwise it will drive me mad. I wonder if the Tetris is sort of linked to EMDR, with the objects moving forward and the brain thinking it’s moving and reprocessing.

My 2 week old also choked and went blue. Mucus from birth blocked his airways when he vomited. It was terrifying. Took a long time to process it. I also didn’t react like I had thought I would. I remember standing in front of the receptionist silent holding a blue baby crying waiting for her to finish a phone call (we live next door to a hospital). I thought he was dead already maybe. I don’t know it’s a blur. And I did make the right decision to not call for an ambulance. He wouldn’t have made it if we did.

We don’t laugh at it really. That’s the wrong word. But we can talk about it now in casual conversation without it affecting us and refer to it as the time he tried to commit suicide. That’s quite macabre but whatever way you deal with it is right and it does get better with time 🌷

Thank you for this, when I called DS nursery today they said something about getting a de choker but I’d never heard of it, is this the same sort of thing? Do you mind me asking if you have ever had to use it? Did it work if so?

If your friend recounted this story to you would you tell them they did rubbish and should've stayed calm? Or would you say they did amazingly and saved their child's life and were a hero?

I recently learned about this while looking at new items at Costco (I'm in Canada).

lifevac.net

Well done you. I would have been jelly.
I used to go to a toddler group and I remember the St John's ambulance service came and instructed us all in paediatric first aid. It was very useful at the time though I've forgotten much of it now. 20+ years ago.
We paid a nominal sum for it but the info is priceless. So many procedures are completely different for babies and young children than in adults. Cardiac compressions on babies are just done with firm fingers.
If just one person reading this thread does the course, they might one day avert a tragedy. Get a group of your mum friends together and invite St John's. It will improve your confidence and help you get over the trauma of what you've just been through.

I have heard a concern about these devices is that time could be wasted searched for them instead of providing basic first aid for choking - which as OP demonstrates can be lifesaving. However maybe a good thing to have so long as you know exactly where it is and remember to use it as a last resort / after more basic measures.

Well done OP and sorry you've been through something so horrifying.