Handhold please - toddler nearly died

[greeneyessparksfly]

Just that really,..the last 24. Hours feel surreal. Our almost two year old choked on some food last night. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced, I remember looking over at him as he started to choke and even though he was still breathing at that point, I knew I needed to call 999. Within about minute of calling he had stopped breathing, he just went rigid and his jaw clenched and we were trying everything to help him dislodge the food but couldn’t. My husband did the heimleich manouvre, back slaps, I was trying to get into his mouth to try and get the food out but his jaw was just clamped shut so hard I had to prise it open but nothing worked. Then he just went floppy and the colour drained out of him, he went blue so quickly, all his limbs, his whole little body, and he just didn’t look like him at all. It was awful: We thought he was dead. I can still hear my husband shouting to the call handler that he was dying. We have since worked out he had no oxygen for probably about three minutes (although can’t be sure exactly, it felt like a lifetime) and somehow in that time the 999 handler managed to get us to do cpr (which I did) and I also pushed my fingers down his throat so far that whatever it was got pushed further in and all of a sudden he just began breathing again. Our poor elder son saw the whole thing, but by the time the paramedics arrived we had got him back round, 8 minutes in total from us calling to them arriving. We are sat in hospital now. He’s recovered thank god, but hes being monitored., just needed to get it out somewhere.

i thought I’d be better than I was in that scenario, i though if something happened I’d be able to be calm but I was a mess. We both were. I’m terrified it’s going to happen again. We came so close to losing him.

if anyone has any good ideas on how to process this going forward, or suggestions on how to not feel so blinded sided if it ever happens again please share.,I feel like we almost let him down by panicking and I can’t bear the thought of how it was very nearly a different ending.

I'm so sorry, what a fright. So glad there was a happy ending. I hope you'll be able to move on from this in time. It sounds like you did everything you could.

OP just take a deep breath,you are an amazing Mum 👏My biggest fear was always about choking with my children after choking on a grape 35 years ago.
Somehow you will be ok but it might take time,,that fear you experienced is real and will take time for you to recover. Xx

Sending big hugs - well done to you both for saving your sons life

Just to add, when dd1 was a baby she choked on some gripe water and couldn't breathe. I did back pats over the knee id learned the day before at a post natal class! It didnt work and I remember her lips started going blue and I ran outside in bare feet with her and by the time my neighbour got to the door she'd started breathing. I remember feeling ill with the fright. Not as bad as yours but thought I'd share you're not alone.

Tetris was based on emdr therapy and initially used as decompression from ptsd

Well done OP!! You did everything right. Between you, you saved him.

Is your other DC ok?

Be kind to yourself over the next few days.

I share the same view as you in that in needs to be last resort but the ambulance service that serves my area (I’m a surgeon) stocks lifevac in the rapid response cars now

My colleague lost his 2 year old daughter choking on a pea. Quite a few years ago. Cerrible situation. We have the life vac choking home kit after this. It wasn’t cheap but it is in our home first aid kit

I love Tetris but the research is at best minimal, and at worst misleading.
https://www.madinamerica.com/2021/10/tetris-trauma-viral-twitter-thread-master-class-misleading-psych-research/

Talking about it will probably do more good than playing Tetris!

Yes. Definitely don't waste precious time looking for it. It should be easily accessible, someone else could go get it while you began CPR, etc.

Oh OP, I went absolutely cold reading your post. Big hug for you and your DH, and your older DC! You did amazingly and he’s going to be OK because of you x

DH and I did an infant first aid course when I was pregnant but now DS is weaning this thread has prompted me to get the book out tomorrow and have refresh ourselves on choking, and I’ve also just ordered a life vac. If the worst happens to us we’ll be better prepared and it’ll be down to you sharing your story x

Dr's are not allowed to treat immediate family due to.amongst other factors emotional attatchment. Of course you panicked, he is your son, but you did what was required, and saved his life. Be proud. I would be.

I hadn't heard about them, but here is a mention of them which says "While some of these studies are promising, experts agree that there isn’t enough evidence at this time to recommend the routine use of anti-choking devices."

https://www.goodrx.com/health-topic/childrens-health/anti-choking-device-work

The five things they do recommend:

1.call ambulance
2.use back blows
3.abdominal thrusts (Heimlich)
4.alternate between 2 and 3
5.peform CPR (30 chest compressions, followed by two deep breaths, repeat).

What is missing in the list, and is exactly what the OP did with her child as did I with my mum 2 years ago, was using your fingers down the throat to check the airway is clear (obviously you can only go so far with your fingers). But definitely do this too.

My mum was eating Christmas cake, which is just about the richest food you can eat in that its packed with ingredients. My dad called at me in a panic and when I walked in the room he was holding her up while she was starting to go limp as he was trying to force whatever was inside her mouth out by doing 2 and 3. I immediately called an ambulance and then rushed over to her and she was limp by this point. Somehow I ended up sitting down (think I fell back on the sofa) while holding her and I then forced my fingers into her mouth and started scooping stuff out (very sticky so no way were 2 and 3 clearing that) and after 20 seconds of that suddenly she started faintly breathing again as her passage cleared somewhat. I kept my fingers in her mouth until the ambulance arrived and we were told she was very lucky to have survived.

So yes, do the back blows, the abdominal thrusts, but also use your fingers and try and clear any obstruction in the throat. The gag reflex also aids in this clearance so get your fingers down there if both 2 and 3 are not working.

I don't think you would have been jelly at all. I would have said the same about me but when you are confronted with it you go into autopilot and your survival instinct (for the other person) kicks in. There is fear yes and things can get hectic, but you know you have to do something. It's only after the event that the psychological impact hits you. OP is going through that now. It takes a wee while to process it but OP will get there.

I'm so sorry this has happened. I hope he feels better soon.

Speaking as a parent, my DD was premature so susceptible to things. She had a febrile convulsion at 20 months which scared the shit out of me. Eyes rolling back, the works. At two and a half she choked on a Babybel. Her dad managed to get it out, no hospital attendance necessary (I was at work) but still very scary for him and DD.

On puberty she began fainting for no reason. Once she hit her head badly and ended up in A&E. The hospital never got to the bottom of it and she "grew out" of them. It was bloody scary at the time.

As someone who works on the Tube: I've assisted two suicides, I've been on site during a terrorist attack and there's been countless times where I've had to run, hide,and call for police assistance.

The point I'm making is that for all the trauma I have encountered I always blame myself for something, or say I didn't do good enough job in ny response, and feel like shit for days afterwards. It's a perfectly normal response. Not a logical one, but nevertheless, it's a feeling that comes around and takes a while to go away.

From your OP it sounds like you did everything you could for your boy. You are a good parent. I'm not going to say,"Don't Feel Bad" because you will and words can't take that feeling away, but I will say, your visceral feelings are wrong, and don't trust them. Sometimes our brains and our bodies misinterpret things, which is normal but confusing.

I've been lucky that I've had plenty of counselling over the years about all the shit I've experienced. I try and learn at least one thing from each incident. If the intrusive thoughts about this continue, I would seek therapy. Or talking to other parents helps, and your HV if she's receptive.

Sending hugs x

Hand hold that must have been terrifying.

When my daughter was two she chocked and honestly it was the most terrifying thing! She came to me crying but no noise.. and the silence was awful! I was doing everything and it felt like a life time before I managed to dislodge it! And we both just sat and cried! Be kind to yourself! I spent weeks and weeks not sleeping imagining if I didn't get it out. It's been almost 3 years and it still bloody haunts me. I'm sorry this happened to your little one! And I'm so glad he's ok. X

Oh, OP, that must have been such a terrifying experience for you all. I recently had to perform back blows on DD2 after she choked during weaning - everyone at the hospital afterwards commented on how good it was I had done a baby first aid course, so definitely look into that.

I had also previously been in the position of needing to almost perform cpr on DD1 after she stopped breathing the first night she was discharged from NICU / SCBU. I only didn't need to because the fast responder arrived. I would definitely recommend maybe trying to get some counselling (do you have a work Employee Assistance Programme? Ours offers 5 free counselling sessions through it). I didnt, and I feel like i didn't process everything very well. I think maybe talking to someone would have helped.

So glad he is OK 💐

This happened to my dd 3 years ago, she stayed conscious but wasn't breathing, her airway was completely blocked for about a minute. I dislodged it with lots of hard black blows. It still upsets me when I think of it but I'm also incredibly grateful that she survived. It gets easier with time.

My 2 year old choked for about 5 seconds yesterday and I was terrified and emotional after so I can’t imagine how you’re feeling after your experience ☹️ can I ask what he choked on?

Yes it's basically a suction device for getting it out. I've not had to but a friend used hers.

We keep ours in the kitchen so it would only takes us seconds as we know exactly where it is. I would try basic first aid first, but know I have that as backup.

You both saved your son.

You get so little time to act with choking you did brilliantly.

You don't need to be cool, calm and collected. Very few people are in an emergency. The only thing that counts is what you manage to do. You phoned 999, you did appropriate first aid, your son is OK. Your older child saw his parents working together in an emergency. Acting fast and doing first aid.

I'm glad everything is OK. It will take some time to recover. You'll probably relive it and analyse everything you did, should have done etc. It's natural and it's your brain processing a traumatic event. Be kind to yourselves. What you did worked and that's what counts.

Thank you so much everyone, I’ve been reading through all of the messages and appreciate everyone taking the time to post - some have made me a bit teary! I think people are right in I’m now going over everything that happened and blaming myself but it does help to hear that actually maybe we did do ok and what we needed to do even if it wasn’t in the way I thought we would do it.

We are waiting for ENT to come round this morning, DS has had only milk since it happened on Wednesday night, he’s starving, I feel sorry for him. Been told not to give him anything for now until they give the ok, to be honest I’m not really looking forward to giving him food again.

I’m so sorry this happened.

Honestly my heart beats so fast when my 1 year old starts gagging because he’s put too much food in his mouth - so that must be absolutely scary!

My baby had actually lost consciousness once - it was overheating, at the time I didn’t know what it was but he was completely limp, lost colour, barley breathing and it was the worst thing we have ever ever experienced.

I was completely useless, besides myself! My partner knew what to do and it’s because he is first aid trained and had seen all sorts at work - so panicked but was so calm.

OP you did the right thing, you knew what to do. You knew to call emergency and you did everything that you could.

I share this because sadly it happened again - but because we had seen it before we knew what to do. And we also know how to prevent it (hot stuffy transport were involved both times) So your comment about panicking - it’s normal - sadly the more you experience, the more likely you are to be calm - for instance family friends that are nurses have told me stories about how they’ve had to build their resilience to these things over the course of their job.

All I’ll say is that I hope you don’t feel too much anxiety after this, as it must be so traumatising. I’m thankful your child is OK now.