Handhold please - toddler nearly died

[greeneyessparksfly]

Just that really,..the last 24. Hours feel surreal. Our almost two year old choked on some food last night. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced, I remember looking over at him as he started to choke and even though he was still breathing at that point, I knew I needed to call 999. Within about minute of calling he had stopped breathing, he just went rigid and his jaw clenched and we were trying everything to help him dislodge the food but couldn’t. My husband did the heimleich manouvre, back slaps, I was trying to get into his mouth to try and get the food out but his jaw was just clamped shut so hard I had to prise it open but nothing worked. Then he just went floppy and the colour drained out of him, he went blue so quickly, all his limbs, his whole little body, and he just didn’t look like him at all. It was awful: We thought he was dead. I can still hear my husband shouting to the call handler that he was dying. We have since worked out he had no oxygen for probably about three minutes (although can’t be sure exactly, it felt like a lifetime) and somehow in that time the 999 handler managed to get us to do cpr (which I did) and I also pushed my fingers down his throat so far that whatever it was got pushed further in and all of a sudden he just began breathing again. Our poor elder son saw the whole thing, but by the time the paramedics arrived we had got him back round, 8 minutes in total from us calling to them arriving. We are sat in hospital now. He’s recovered thank god, but hes being monitored., just needed to get it out somewhere.

i thought I’d be better than I was in that scenario, i though if something happened I’d be able to be calm but I was a mess. We both were. I’m terrified it’s going to happen again. We came so close to losing him.

if anyone has any good ideas on how to process this going forward, or suggestions on how to not feel so blinded sided if it ever happens again please share.,I feel like we almost let him down by panicking and I can’t bear the thought of how it was very nearly a different ending.

I’m so sorry you had to do that you must have been so scared - I feel for for everyone who has posted similiar stories of their loved ones choking. The sheer panic and terror of losing him is something I’ve never felt before.

thanks for saying that you did that for your mum too with your fingers, I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t have done that he wouldn’t be here today. Somehow it dislodged something enough to go down, but I’d tried quite a few times to do it before it finally worked. I feel like there wouldn’t have been that many more chances to get it right.

What a fright OP, it sounds like you did really well! Anyone would panic, particularly with our own DCs.

My DD choked at a similar age, wasn't as bad as she managed to cough it up after a bit. But I remember her being silent ..... I was pottering about in the room and happened to look up at her and noticed. I always though choking would be noisy/gagging. Made me realise how we should always keep an eye on them when they're little and eating.

So sorry to read this OP - your experience sounds utterly terrifying. It sounds like you did everything you could in the moment and more, which isn’t easy when you’re in a high stress situation. Give yourself kindness and your little one a massive cuddle.

You need specific PTSD therapy. This is what will help. Find an appropriate therapist asap.

And you did amazing.

You saved his life.

Most of us never get put in a situation like that, thank goodness. I like to think of myself as a calm, self-assured person. I have first aid training. I still go to pieces if one of my children cuts a finger - and my children are almost adults.

I had this with my DD when I lived alone. She had gone to bed and I had randomly (and luckily) decided to do my work from my bed so went upstairs to find her in her room choking on a gem she’d pulled off a toy. I didn’t have my phone on me (back when you didn’t always have them with you) and realised I either had to get the gem out myself or leave her choking on her own to go and get my phone to call an ambulance. Luckily some firm back slaps got it out. Incredibly scary and I dread to think of the outcome had I not decided to go upstairs.

You did really well. It's going to take some getting over for all of you, so be kind to yourselves.

Tetris was invented before emdr and was intended simply as a game. Years later research was done into it's potential use for preventing ptsd, and other uses, but that was long after it's creation.

OP, you went through something traumatic but you did all the right things and saved your son's life so try to focus on that. It will be normal to feel very anxious around food for a while but if it continues, or the anxiety is so bad it's affecting your life, then please talk to a doctor.

This happened to my little brother as a child, he choked on a marble he was sucking. It was terrifying were in an area with limited emergency services. My Mum picked him up by his feet and held him upside down and shook him, miraculously it worked abd the marble was dislodged.

Well done OP you were amazing.

Well done to you and your DH 🥰. Please be kind to yourself, you just saved your little boy’s life!

She doesn't because she doesn't have PTSD. She's experienced a trauma and is processing it in the normal way, by talking about it and going over the event. PTSD can't be diagnosed for several weeks after the trauma, if the natural healing process gets stuck.

Well done for knowing what to do when a child is choking. So many people think it won't happen to them, and know nothing about what to do - if this is you please do go and get training it's often free through your work (ask). I think first aid should be compulsory at schools too.

How terrifying. Well done for acting so promptly! I’m sure you will do this but I thought seeking advice for your other child will also be wise as he witnessed it all. 🌺

Well I think you handled it brilliantly! You got him back, you saved his life! Absolutely harrowing to read, how scary for you all.
I bought a medivac after something similar. I’m like you, thought I was totally capable until faced with a life or death situation and went to pieces.

For the flashbacks I’ve found shaking my head side to side and saying ‘NO!’ to be very effective.

Treat yourself kindly. The horror will fade. And again, well done for saving your child’s life

Thank you everyone for your messages, means alot - he’s going to have a ct scan hopefully tomorrow morning and later a bronchoscopy to see if some health things are linked to him choking the way he did. Complicated to go into but the ENT staff where we are have been amazing. Still keep staring at him thinking how surreal it’s all been!

Presume they're checking he doesn't have a vascular ring associated with the right sided aortic arch? Good to hear that they're being so thorough.

Terrifying - thank goodness all was ok
My brother choked - he was 10 and I was 12, we were home with just my gran
I did Heimlich Manoeuvre etc as he went blue (nan dialling 999)
he was ok but it left me with a lifelong fear of choking and influenced me as a parent and made me so nervous (cutting up grapes for far too long!) - when I had my first dc I couldn’t feed him if I was by myself

OP I’m so glad your little one is ok and be kind to yourself. I nearly choked to death about 10 years ago, I was washing dishes at the sink and sucking on a polo mint when it suddenly got stuck in my throat. Luckily my now late father was in my house, it was terrifying, I could not get a breath out and collapsed on the floor. Next thing I know I’m surrounded by paramedics and vomit and my poor dad in bits and the most awful headache. I have never had a polo mint since, won’t even let the kids have one.

Oh that’s awful :( you would think a polo mint would be ok, I bet you were absolutely terrified :( I just can’t get over how many have posted with stories like mine, just doesn’t bear thinking about how things can change in an instant.

@nocoolnamesleft - yes, that’s right!, he has a right aortic arch with mirror image branching and he’s had a couple of ultrasounds around his heart to look when he was born for a vascular ring but they never got 100% confirmation so I think this is to rule it out one way or the other.

Sounds very sensible to find out 100% for sure, after what you've been through. Hopefully the imaging will be reassuring. But if not, at least you'll know where you are!

Did the call handler tell you to try and push the stuck food further down?

May I suggest you look into a first aid course? I think it should be offered to all expectant parents.

Take your time to process all that happened. I hope your older child is okay.

I think it sounds like you and your husband did an incredible job.

I also think you sound so distressed and understandably shaken. I am so sorry.

When I was seven my brother choked on a coin. I vividly remember a feeling like holding my own breath and watching in fear whilst my parents tried to help him.

Nothing worked and they were doing desperate things like turning him upside down.
In the end, my dad did manage to get his fingers in throat and get it out.

I am telling you this as ,although I remember it, I would not say it caused me any damage.
I remember actually feeling proud of my parents and reassured in a strange way that they solved it.

I truly hope your family have a good and calm weekend.
You have all been through a lot and I would not worry if this shakes you for a while but equally if you are not feeling better possibly look for support to process.

Possibly reframe from your thinking from child nearly died to ‘my partner and I saved my son’s life’.

It’s now going to be compulsory in early years settings, thank god.

@greeneyessparksfly you poor things. What a thing to go through! And you are amazing (and your husband) for saving your little boy’s life. ❤️

Talk to your older son about what happened. I’m sure you will, but I think sometimes adults try and put on a brave face so as not to worry kids too much.

i hope your little one is home soon!

You absolutely did amazing as everyone has said. You are allowed to panic when your precious dc is involved. You still did everything you could/should and you saved his life. Panic can actually be a good thing it’s a natural response to kick in your fight and flight and push you into action.

You will move on from this op so don’t worry about that for now. Sit with all the emotions and let them come and go naturally. Don’t try fight them, allow your self to feel whatever you do at whatever moment. If you try push them away that can make it worse or make you get stuck in the healing process. I have experience of resuscitating my own dc when she was a toddler. Not through choking but illness. It happened in the middle of the night when I was alone in the house with her. I remember the call handler telling me to move her to the floor and start resuscitation and I said no I can’t. I just panicked and couldn’t bring myself to believe that is what was happening and what I needed to do. Bless the call handler she was stern and straight forward with me but so kind at the same time. She said “you have to do it or your baby will die”. It was so surreal. Anyway dd survived and is now a teenager. I would love to say it’s all a blur or forgotten but I would be lying to you. It still pops into my head from time to time and it makes me cry, but it’s not overshadowed our life and I have had many more moments and ups and downs so it’s just another bump in the road of our life. It’s not stopped me allowing dd to do things and in fact it’s made me more inclined to appreciate life and embrace all the opportunities she is offered. I’m more protective of her than my other dc in a way but that’s also due to ongoing medical issues. It’s not made me worried about every illness or whatever, as I know it’s such a rare event. Same with choking, of course you will worried for a time, but hopefully you will be able to eventually accept it is a horrible but rare experience.

look after yourself and love to your little boy.

Just wanted to do a quick update, and to say thanks again to all the kind people who messaged. We finally got home last night after a week stay in hospital, Ct tests showed ds does have a narrowing of part of his wind pipe and a salt assessment was done whilst we were there and they’ve put some things in place/modifications behaviour wise for his eating. Very very stressful week, but he’s here and back to himself which is the main thing - now we just have to build up our confidence again with eating, especially. Thanks for all the suggestions people have had, I’ve been re-reading through them all and will be trying a few things out.