Daughters painful periods

[Passivelypresent]

Hello I'm just after some advice! Daughter started periods at 9, settled straight onto a regular cycle. Usual patterns etc. Now 12. The last few cycles on the day she starts her period she gets very sudden onset, really painful tummy ache, feels sick, sweaty, headache usually comes on within an hour or two of these symptoms.

The problem is she has just started seniors and they are militant about attendance, and won't send home. Today she was fine when she left the house, no period though I did think it would come today due to her being unusually tearful last night.

By ten o'clock she was shaking, in pain, felt sick etc. Managed to sneak her phone to message me after being brushed off by head of year at 12.30 and I collected her shortly afterwards and now she is in trouble for using her phone.

I really don't want to put her on the pill at her age, I feel as though that's an absolute last resort and may well cause more harm than good but I don't want her feeling this way and certainly not whilst at school. Particularly when she can't independently access pain relief.

I'm thinking of premptively giving her a dose of nurfoen on the day (s) she could well start whilst at school. It's not something I would usually do but it seems once it has a hold of her it's much harder to get on top of

Has anyone any better ideas? Tia

Can you speak to the school about her bad periods?

Im interested in what the school will do because presumably period pain is a very regular occurrence. My DD12 does not yet have her period but she does have an issue with migraines which affect her stomach not her head. She has horrible cramps and nausea and if she doesn’t have pain relief she can be sick. What I do is buy chewable Calpol which she keeps in her blazer. I’ve told her to just take one when the pain starts - not to make a big song and dance about taking it. This week she actually didn’t have her tablets and she went and reported it and they did nothing - she sat all day with horrible cramps. It does my head in that the school won’t do anything one way or another ( I mean call me at least and I can come and get her / give her a tablet)

She has only been there three weeks and the conversation I had today with her head of year was very much pushing "resilience" which I'm quickly understanding to mean "put up and shut up just get here and stay here".

She can manage her day to day periods fine and confident in dealing with her changes and such without having to use toilets outside of allocated breaks.

She can't carry two Calpol melts on her I have to take it to the office which is fine and I can do but it's more than it comes on so suddenly and once it's there she goes from being fine to feeling terrible in less than a hour, and then it's a job to get the pain manageable. She needs to eat to take paracetamol or brufen or it makes her sick (I've always been the same) but she can't eat because she feels like she is going to be sick and so it's a viscous circle.

The school is also super strict and she is in year seven, started a few weeks back and is still finding her feet/ scared of all the teachers so when she was told to have a drink of water and get back to class she did as she was told and went back to her head of year between her class and then lunch from 10 til she finally went to the toilet and messaged me at 12.30. She was still refused to leave school or for them to phone me I had to go in, admit she had used her phone and ask for her so I could take her out.

When she was coming out she was blotchy and still crying which is not like her at all, she's very stoic usually.

Eugh a drink of water 🙄. Nope I think I’d have to pursue that. Why can’t she keep some pain relief with someone at school and they can dole it out when need be? They manage to do this in primary school.

She is very regular so if I suspect her first day of her period is a school day, my idea is to give her some nurfoen after breakfast in the hope if she starts it sees her through and drop in Calpol to the office to be given as well as, if she requests it.

I have never given pre emptive meds before but it should be limited to one or two doses a month if it times with a school day, obviously on a weekend I would just see how she goes.

Im at a loss. I remember suffering badly as a young teenager but we had access to a school nurse back in those days

I used to use feminax

Go to your Gp. There are all sorts of options other than the pill such as mefanamic acid, which will be a much better than struggling on with OTC medicine.

I would not rule out the pill either but if you don’t want her to take it, at least look at the other options.

The pill is the right option here. If it turns out to be endometriosis down the line you will have helped hold progression.

The poor girl. Resilience, ffs.

I'd tell the school how badher periods are and make a suggestion for how she can deal with it.

Dd always took Feminax when she was due to come on. If she didn't keep on top of the pain she'd be sick.

Hi OP, nurse and heavy period sufferer here. Yes definitely give her a pre emptive dose of nurofen. Give it to her as close to leaving the house to go to school as you can. Is there any reason you feel concerned about doing this?

This is completely unacceptable by the school. I would be horrified if my daughter was in agony and was ignored and told to drink some water and get on with it. She asked them to phone you and they didn’t. She had to use her phone as her last resort. That is atrocious. I would be fuming about it. She’s going to be in pain again and she might need to come home. They’re going to have to accept that.

I agree with this!!

Is her HOY male? What a pathetic and unsympathetic response. I don't really have much to add but it that really disgusts me.

I know! A drink of water is just not going to cut it. We are a fairly robust lot and I'm quite of the opinion that as rubbish as it is, we just carry on during periods, activity will help, pain relief as you need it and some chocolate obviously goes a long way. Her starting at 9 was bad enough without her having to suffer as well. I know I wont win at the school and they're all ran by the same academy trust in my town so it's more a case of trying to minimise her discomfort when I can't be there and she has to manage without me.

Sorry If I'm not replying correctly, I can't see how to reply to an individual poster. We have been to the GP and they basically said she was too young for anything stronger, admittedly this was when she was still 11. I will revisit this and see if there's something that can be done.

12 is the cut off for a lot of medicines so definitely worth asking again now.

To ignore a child who is in pain, refuse to ring parents and refuse to let the child use their phone is not acceptable. Can you get a letter from the GP to back up the level of pain she experiences and the fact that you do need to be contacted when your own child is in agony?

I'm annoyed with the school, it's ridiculous the way they go on to be honest. I can battle with them all day long, and I expect it will come to that but in the meanwhile her being in pain is my main concern. My time to shine with them will come over the next few years I'm sure. 😂

Her head of year is not a teacher, I'm not sure what credentials she has to be honest.

I don't know why I feel funny about giving her a pre emptive dose. We aren't a particularly medication taking family, certainly would only ever normally give it if it was needed. But I feel it would be beneficial in this case rather than trying to close the gate after the horse has bolted.

That's true about the 12 years being an age for a lot of medication. I have never really considered that but that's absolutely true.

I think best way forward is to go into the school tomorrow and tell them she is to be given Calpol that I leave, we've signed all the forms etc to say she can self administer so that should be fairly straight forward.

I'll also make a new referral to the doctors and see about getting something formal in place and perhaps some form of letter for the school (they won't even give an authorised absence, everything is unauthorised unless you've got a sick note)

Thank you !

My DD had this from about 14 and still does at 19. She had a scan, no sign of endometriosis and has to take mefenamic acid in the run up to her period. This does help a lot.

There is good evidence that taking NSAIDs (such as mefanamic acid or ibuprofen) pre-emptively is more effective than taking it once the pain has started (so you end up needing less overall) and can reduce excess bleeding as well. Do give it a go, it’s not just good for avoiding dealing with the school 😃

I always had a packet of ibuprofen in my school bag. She can take a couple of tablets every 4 hours to prevent the pain. I have incredibly painful periods so I have to take stronger painkillers. She's at secondary school so the teachers won't know she has painkillers unless she takes them in the classroom. Primary school is different.

Stomach ache, feels sick, headache, emotional - has she started having menstrual migraine?

Yeah I wouldn't give her medication to the office I would let her keep it and maybe a few cereal bars if it helps when she needs to take it. My daughter gets migraines that make her ill and usually coincides with period but her school is very good about it, they give her medication if she has none left and sit in the office with her eyes closed until it kicks in

You poor daughter.

What a horrible lack of empathy from her teachers.

Mine has just started Y7 and we had paperwork before joining which asked if she had started her periods and if so if she suffered with pain or other symptoms.

She hasn't yet but I was reassured that hopefully it means when she does there will be support and understanding. (Girls school and she's already mentioned to me about a couple of her friends leaving class to get heat packs etc)

I do worry a little though that she won't be able to just keep some painkillers on her. I totally understand why not but also know what a difference taking them in good time can make.

I think your preemptive idea is a pretty good one until you can get to the GP.

Definitely try mefenamic acid. It is helping my daughter and I think it’s a better option than starting the pill so young. The school sounds horrible.

OP this was me right down to starting early and exact same symptoms.

I have Endometriosis. Started raising it with doctors in early teens. Didn't get a diagnosis until my late 20s.

The pill did help. My mum didn't want me on it do young either but eventually had no choice but to accept it.
Feminex didn't even tough the sides.
Transminic acid also helps.

Push for scans as soon as possible.