Daughters painful periods

[Passivelypresent]

Hello I'm just after some advice! Daughter started periods at 9, settled straight onto a regular cycle. Usual patterns etc. Now 12. The last few cycles on the day she starts her period she gets very sudden onset, really painful tummy ache, feels sick, sweaty, headache usually comes on within an hour or two of these symptoms.

The problem is she has just started seniors and they are militant about attendance, and won't send home. Today she was fine when she left the house, no period though I did think it would come today due to her being unusually tearful last night.

By ten o'clock she was shaking, in pain, felt sick etc. Managed to sneak her phone to message me after being brushed off by head of year at 12.30 and I collected her shortly afterwards and now she is in trouble for using her phone.

I really don't want to put her on the pill at her age, I feel as though that's an absolute last resort and may well cause more harm than good but I don't want her feeling this way and certainly not whilst at school. Particularly when she can't independently access pain relief.

I'm thinking of premptively giving her a dose of nurfoen on the day (s) she could well start whilst at school. It's not something I would usually do but it seems once it has a hold of her it's much harder to get on top of

Has anyone any better ideas? Tia

My dd1 has been on transexamic acid tablets to help lighten the flow, for a few years now. She is nearly 16.

My dd2 (12) takes both paracetamol and ibuprofen and their school is very strict on medicine, so I have had to send a small supply in to be kept by the medical lady in case of emergency.

They always have the painkillers at home before leaving for school and know they can top up from the office or if their period starts at school, just go there and get what they need.

They always email me to let me know what has been given.

I do think 12 is too young for the pill. But I might consider it for my dd1 next year.

I started it at 17 due to fainting regularly at school because the flow was so heavy 😫

I would be keeping her home if you know her period is due tbh if it's just the first day that is the problem.

So there are normally a number of things you can do:

You can sign a form to say school can administer paracetamol and ibuprofen and leave some with school so she can access it.

It is not usually permitted for teens to carry their own medication but lots carry paracetamol or ibuprofen for exactly the reasons you have just discovered.

If she routinely has painful periods then pre-emptive painkillers will help and are often advised.

It's probably worth taking her to the GP - there are painkillers that are better for period pain - previous posters have mentioned mefenamic acid - which she can be prescribed.

I kept her home on her second Friday. She had a heavy cold which was one thing but her temperature was 39.9 so obviously something kicking off. Got a very patronising phone call from her head of year telling me it would be unauthorised because she didn't feel it was a good enough reason to be off school. To give her a Calpol and send her In. Also told me that she may call by to do a welfare visit (!)

Swiftly followed by a letter in the post telling me her attendance was 88 percent (she only had nine days in to actually attend due to start of term) and she was not allowed to be off again or she would be on an attendance management plan. They are ridiculous about attendance.

Now due to these fines apparently so many unauthorised absences trigger it as well (head of year told me thst during her phone call telling me to ignore NHS advice and send her in)

It's an absolute joke. I don't trust them to let me know when she is unwell because she has made it very clear attendance is top priority and student wellbeing comes later down a very long list.

I was like this as a teenager and for many years after. I started taking turmeric with black pepper or curcumin in it, something with at least 1000mg of turmeric taken daily. It didn't stop my symptoms but it definitely reduced them and made them more manageable. Might be worth trying for her too

Lots of information about medication on here though which is very helpful. I'll have a Google and get her in the doctors as soon as possible and hopefully get her some relief. Thank you all so much for your advice.

This was me and going on the pill was a complete godsend. Before that I was puking at school and sometimes fainting with the cramps. It was horrendous and I loathe how period pain is so minimised when for some people it is not. Definitely worth a conversation with GP again.

Give her the medication to take at school. As long as it's in her pocket and she takes it discretely, no one will care. Don't make her faff with reception to get it.

The absence heavy handedness is a government thing. Most schools don't like it but have to be seen to be acting on attendance. Especially when ofsted come in.

My DD has just started in year 7 too. She gets a wave of cramps when she starts her period. I give one paracetamol in the morning before school and I literally cut one out of the packet and pop it in her blazer pocket with strict instructions to just take it and lunch and don't make a drama. It's easier for her as she can just have a normal paracetamol (rather than a calpol melt) and can also take them without water if needed (yes she's weird!).
I wouldn't faff with her having to grovel for medication, I'd send her with some, but obviously not a whole box! And I'd be on at the school if they keep being ridiculous.

My DD started at 10, so I feel your pain with it all, but she's following the path I did by the looks of it. I'd definitely consider the pill if it eased everything for her. So maybe an appointment at the drs to discuss options would work

Poor girl. Feminax is helpful . I recall those early years of periods - the pain was horrific - awful roiling pain all the way down to my knees.

There was never any question of missing school though. We all just had to soldier on.

My mother was useless. Pre emptive painkillers sound like a good plan.

Oh poor girl I feel for her. People who’ve never experienced it have no idea how debilitating it is. I couldn’t stand up for the first half day of every period or I would faint.

Going on the pill sorted it for me but I was 17 by then. My DD was the same as me and used to vomit too. She also went on the pill but was 16 so an easier decision.

I would absolutely encourage taking medication preemptively. It did nothing for me once the pain had already started. I’d also say stuff their rules and send another dose in her pocket and tell her what time to take it. The school sounds useless and unsympathetic I wouldn’t trust them to help her.

So glad I live in Australia where you’re not treated like a criminal for keeping a sick child at home. In fact we get emails asking us to keep them at home when they’re sick as they recover quicker and don’t spread it around.

I had this around the same age. I could barely get off the bathroom floor. My mum was called up to school about my persistent absence.

GP prescribed mefanamic acid and it got much better. Resolved by it's self around by age 23. No idea why. I don't have endo or any gyne problems.

I am very sensitive to hormonal changes and had quite a lot of issues with hormal contraception.

Sending my sympathies to your DD. Hope she feels better soon.

Go to GP. My DD (13) has awful pain and vomiting (her record was 13 times in 8 hours...). She now has mefanamic acid which has made a real difference.

Endo is diagnosed on laparoscopy, only when fairly developed is it seen on a scan. Hence so many women are missed.

Please take her to see her GP. We're not supposed to be in agony with our periods. Yes it can be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't be this bad

Speak to the school. Get her a pass for medical issues. She can then get paracetamol at school.

It's generally accepted that Ibuprofen is better than paracetamol for period pain, due to its anti-inflammatory properties. An adult dose can be taken from age 12.

I wouldn't bother with paracetamol (useless!) and feminax is paracetamol and low-dose codeine (an opioid).

I found that ibuprofen in the liquid capsules takes effect in about 15-20min. Taking it at the first sign of a twinge and keeping on top of dosage is the best way to calm the pain.

(I have to say I take more than advised to keep on top of the pain and even my 14 year old takes them every 4 hours to stay sane with the pain) but I'm not advising that.

I’m so sorry to hear of your DD being treated like this and disgusted by the schools attitude. More needs to be done to bring around awareness of female issues. I feel there is so much more understanding now of menopause symptoms but painful periods are still minimised.

I fully understand the symptoms you’re explaining. I get the same and have fainted from period pain more than once as the pains can become so strong they make my blood drain. My GP brushed me off. I do use the pill and never take breaks, but I do understand your concern with that at 12. If painkillers help (sadly they don’t do much for me!) go for it. But I would suggest a serious meeting with the school to prioritise your DDs welfare x

It's possible the school doesn't understand how bad it is because they have never experienced it quite the same way. The comment about resilience particularly struck me. Honestly, in your situation I'd find a good, private gynaecologist who will take her seriously and have knowledge of a range of solutions. I know not everyone can afford that, sorry.

Give her the medication to take at school. As long as it's in her pocket and she takes it discretely, no one will care. Don't make her faff with reception to get it.

This. I've always given paracetamol to keep in an inside pocket. Getting meds from school is such a faff. No-one needs to know and I am confident they are mature enough to take a paracetamol when needed. If the school were more supportive it wouldn't be needed. I feel for your DD, the school sound horrendous in dealing with the absence. If you get a letter from the GP which you can send it they might be a bit more understanding?

I made sure she had a decent breakfast this morning and dosed her with nurfoen. I've also given her two Calpol melts for her pocket which she was aghast at as she's one for following the rules 😂 she said what if they search me?! If they search you darling, they'll have more to worry about than two bloody Calpol melts.

I've also emailed the school to bump my gums a bit and asked for a reply via email. I've noticed that all conversations are done verbally, they are very reluctant to discuss anything over email which is obviously due to what they say not being above board, and they know it.

Going to phone the doctors a bit later and try and get a pre bookable appointment so that I can get an appointment text to swerve yet another unauthorised absence.

Firstly, go back to the GP. Tell them she is missing school due to this. Hopefully they will help! Then tell school she has a medical condition that requires a health care plan - to be agreed between you and school. This should detail what needs to happen and when you need to be called. Many schools treat issues like this as an inconvenience when they should treat it like any other medical condition.

Email school and dispute the unauthorised absence. The DfE guidance is clear that unless the school have reason to believe you are lying about it, any leave due to illness should be authorised (see section 365 of assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66bf300da44f1c4c23e5bd1b/Working_together_to_improve_school_attendance_-_August_2024.pdf)

The school may have internal policies about authorising leave / requiring proof etc but they still need to follow DfE guidance unless they have a very good reason not to.

So in terms of dealing with the school -

Get everything in writing. So when you contact them you do it by email. If they speak to you verbally then make notes on the conversation and email the notes - call it "a record of our conversation"

Keep notes of when she is off and why

You may also find it helpful to email the school and state that she has a medical condition - dysmenorrhea - and that as this is impacting her life and is likely to last more than six months you consider it a disability under the Equalities Act definition and that you want reasonable adjustments from the school.

You could state that the reasonable adjustments you require are that

• she has access to the first aid room/school nurse when in pain
• she gets a toilet pass to permit her to access the toilets to change pads as necessary

(Whatever else you want)

OP please reconsider the pill.

I suffered from 11 until I was 17, I used to projectile vomit on day one. In those days teachers would drive you home. I was driven home form VI form more than once.

The school have a 'duty of care' to your DD and you need to ask them about this and get them to do a risk assessment.