Ex overfeeding our daughter

[ConcernedDad2000]

I wanted to hopefully get another point of view about what I believe is a massive issue regarding my daughter's health. Me and my partner split 3 years ago with one of the major things that I couldn't take any more of was watching her overfeeding our child. I tried to bring this up with her in a soft way to not hurt her feels, or make it feel like an attack. But all I got was a long list of excuses that finally ended in her saying I called our daughter fat to her face which I had to quickly point out was a flat out lie. Just before we split I informed my ex that I was going to try and help our daughter make better choices when it comes to food, and teach her about how our bodies outward appearance is a reflection of our eating habits over a long period of time. I've tried to maintain an open line of communication with my ex regarding this matter but she was just not showing any interest in taking this seriously. This forced me to arrange a doctor's appointment (after 2 years of trying to fix this between myself and the ex) at which she was told by a doctor our daughter was overweight and changes were needed. I'm now about to go back for another appointment 6 months after the first and I can clearly see our daughter has not lost any weight at all. I feel as though I'm powerless to stop her doing this and the doctor last time seemed more worried about my ex's feelings than the health of our child. When I ask her if she needs any help getting our daughter to a healthier weight she tells me shes watching what she eats and making better food choices (which is fine saying that) But the results are plain to see nothing is changing. Unfortunately, my ex has the majority of parenting time with my daughter so I can't really make a dent in the damage she's doing during the week. I've even thought about calling in help from outside sources. Has anyone ever had to call in outside sources to get a parent to see sense regarding this kind of matter?

Nonsense. Chances are if you went to court the resident patent is awarded 60% anyway so you didn't "give" her anything.

Also nonsense. As much people like to think on here that mums always get awarded the most, it's not necessary the case. I got 30%.

1. family court doesn't favour the mother most of the time. Children being ordered to have contact with abusive fathers is endemic.

2. it's unfortunate ex had to move but sounds like she did it for support. You could move yourself to be closer.

3. why leave amd therefore leave ex doing more parenting when you could have just stepped up when together?

4. you won't be able to change anything. At 13 it will have to be your dd who addresses it really. My step daughter is obese and her dad only has her every other weekend, conversation after conversation with mum and nothing changes she just got bigger and bigger. I couldn't get involved it was like watching child abuse. And her dad gave up with it in the end because if he didn't then all his relationship was going to be with his dd was going on about addressing her health- which in itself isn't healthy.

Only thing you can do is move closer and have your child 50/50 and pay for her o do sports clubs and take and fetch

Court at 13 is very much going to look at her wishes rather than her parents, given as well she is at high school I suspect any change to that would have to be taken into account. The only thing the legal route will do is cause stress

the other thing is anyone who has been on a weight loss journey, pr stopping smoking or drinking or starting to exercise no amount of medical or other professionals telling you helps. You know you are overweight/smoking is bad/drink too much etc it isn’t a surprise and I suspect at 13 she is fully aware that her weight is in the 99th centile

change and the wanting to change needs to come from within her and what @ConcernedDad2000 needs to do is support that and give her as many tools as he can to help her on her journey

How about teaching your daughter some healthy recipes when she's with you so when she goes home to mum she can maybe cook dinner for them both a couple of times a week? Win win, your daughter would have a healthier meal and the mum would have a meal made for her (which everyone loves) and your daughter would be gaining valuable life skills being able to cook!

Are you really concerned about your child's weight? It sounds like you're just looking for a way to criticise your ex.
How do you know she's 'overfeeding' your child?
How do you know the child would be any slimmer if you two were still living together?
If you are concerned for your daughter then you feed her healthy meals. I'm sorry but I don't really believe the child's weight is the actual reason why you're 'concerned'.