Does this look like not enough food for a 12 year old

[TinySlicer]

Hi dd is 12 and quite overweight for her age and I am trying to get a hold of the situation as I was overweight in my teens and young adult years and it made me miserable

She tells me I am not feeding her enough and it isn't fair how much less I am letting her eat and I am aware it's hard because she will most likely be fully aware why I'm giving less even though I would never say to her.

I like to think I am doing the right thing but is this not enough for a meal? It's a fish cake with some cheese and veggies with sauce

My 15 yo dd was overweight for much of primary and the beginning of secondary. At times on the 99th centile albeit she was tall for her age. The weight started to go once she hit puberty from 11 and has continued to drop off her these past 6 months or so. She is very sporty and active and in the normal range.

Your goal for your dd unless she’s very overweight isn’t to lose weight, but to maintain the weight and possibly let it slowly drop during and after puberty is complete, which often happens.

With dd I offered her lots of fruit and veg, only allowed one extra carb eg for a packed lunch either crisps or bread. She doesn’t eat potato so naturally her carb was lower. I see your dd eats carby veg so as others have said, no more carb needed but your dd needs a decent amount of protein.

Will she eat composite meals? You can hide a lot of veg in spag Bol, cottage pie etc. At your dd’s age, mine became more and more adventurous. I now get hello fresh and she will eat things from there she probably wouldn’t touch otherwise. I do tweak it and add in more veg btw as I find the starchy carb side too much. The other thing, which made dd more adventurous was to cook barbecues. She tried mushrooms and peppers cooked on the bbq and realised how tasty they were.

Having a child, who will only eat a limited number of foods is hard. Dd was the same and it was a constant battle. However, your dd may be at a more receptive age to start trying new things, which may be easier to do than much older. It is therefore worth tempting her now to get out of her comfort zone.

When I make them at home I put mayo inside, it’s delish!

No, but it might help her feel more calm and deal with big emotions without emotional eating. Plus it helps keep your body strong. But only if she enjoys it, of course.

Nowhere near enough protein so it won't fill her up.

If you search 'how many calories does a 12 year old need?', websites including NHS and Healthline are pretty consistently recommending around 2,000 a day.

An average fishcake contains about 250 calories. The cheese probably adds about 125 as you say, and the veg is pretty negligible on top of that. Adds up to not much more than 400 calories for that meal.

The rule of thumb is that if it doesn't look like enough for you, it's probably not enough for your 12 year old. I would want more than this for my evening meal and wouldn't be surprised if a 12 year old does too.

Fishcake and frozen veg is also a rubbish processed meal so I would try to cook something from scratch that is more satisfying.

That sounds amazing! Do you have a full recipe you can share? When it’s back to school/nursery and I have more enthusiasm for cooking I’d be keen to try making them.

This entire meal looks so unappealing.

You could make cauliflower mashed 'potatoes' here.

There are ways to get your kids to eat more veggies and make it exciting, fun, and balanced.

For example, make a 'taco salad' bar. Or any salad bar with a variety of mix and match stuff, including proteins, raw veggies (lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers, zucchinis, etc),
Croutons, dressing.

I googled "shop bought fish cake" and they come out at under 200 calories! Obviously I think counting calories is not right for a 12 year old- but not sure where the 400 calories comes from.

Could you go on some long walks together?

Also what does DD drink? Does she have any high calorie drinks?

I would include carbs with that meal tbh. Look at healthy things rather than portions.

The ones I buy are 399. They are from M&S. Tesco cod ones are 300, the hollandaise ones anyway. I’m sure there are various fish cakes of lower value which is why I originally said 300-400 and 125 for the cheese meaning this meal is def over 350-400 total as someone else suggested.

I’d allow up to 80 for the veg here as it is not negligible except for the carrots because it’s green beans, corn and peas which are the higher calorie end of veggies. This is without sauces which we can never guess at without knowing ingredients.

the taco idea is great! And different mashes, we have sweet potato (no diff calorie wise but better nutrition) or swede (very low cal and really delicious).

id also support yoga because it doesn’t burn calories but does build strength and confidence and feeds in to the idea of exercise as a holistic and fun activity for whole body wellness and not just to lose weight. It helps make it stick.

Honestly I just make them the way my mum used to which is eyeball!

tin of tuna
Massive spoon of mayo (full fat)
Mash already buttered and milked
salt, pepper, chopped flat leaf parsley
Lemon juice

shape, dip in flour and (for my sins) shallow fry!

I think we can see how I got to 5 stone overweight 😂

You can make fishcakes that are almost as tasty but much lower in fat if you poach some smoked white fish in fish stock, and make mash with no butter (I know-heresy, right? My ancestors are spinning in their graves!) lots of chopped gherkins and parsley. Dip them in egg and flour and bake until golden.

I find fish cakes a very unsatisfactory meal and aways feel hungry afterwards.

that meal needs some carbs with it if it’s her main meal.

could she be secretly snacking on rubbish because she’s hungry (or just because she’s of the age when they do that)?

Personally I'd cut out any processed food, nearly all puddings and sugar. Perhaps Greek yogurt for any pudding, with fruit.
Move to wholemeal. Up the protein in her meals. But don't portion restrict.

Check the NHS guidelines, but I think on average an 11-14 year old girl needs the same calories as an adult woman, and a 14-17 year old a bit more.

I think if that’s her main meal, it’s bit light - you’ve combined protein and carbs into one - she likely needs two fishcakes. Also your average fish cake is low on fish, so she’d probably still be low on protein - and it’s protein and fibre that fill you up.

I’d make sure she is eating protein and fibre-y veg with every meal, and use the NHS portion guides. Don’t ban treat food, but a couple of times a week. Weight loss is mostly diet, but it would be good to
help her build an exercise habit, and it makes a huge difference to weight control in the long run.

At 12 kids can gain weight as hormones are raging, so it may come down. If she still has growing to do is probably about preventing weight gain so she catches up with herself.

If after 6 months things aren’t better see the GP. I’m guessing there’s a local healthy teens service she can be referred to if she’s really overweight.

If she's hungry please give her something to eat. I was often hungry as an (overweight) teen & my mum restricted my food. It just gave me more of a complex and I don't think helped long term.

Cut out all processed food, e.g. sausages, bacon, sugary fruit yogurts, biscuits, most cheaper sliced bread, etc, and .... frozen fishcakes - make them from scratch, or airfry a cheap fish fillet or chicken breast. Add more fresh leafy veg such as spring greens. Make healthy 'chips' with celeriac (tossed in a little oil and cooked in an airfryer for 20 mins).

Some ready-made stuff is fine, but really scrutinise the ingredients and avoid anything with sugar or artificial additives.

I agree but. With the volume of people concerned about carbs and giving advice about bulking out with carbs - I’d like to point out the overweight adults if the world are often reducing carbs.

That plate of food wouldn’t be great daily for a girl with weight issues and it is because fish cakes have a lot of additives, corn and peas are starchy and you need more non-starchy veg, cheese isn’t bad depending on volume - no need to take it out. But sauces - depends. They can be full of additives, salt, fats, sugars… Adding in some raw veg can be great fir the gut snd filling too.

This is a good source of info for OP and anyone else:

https://www.kidsandnutrition.co.uk/dealingwithchildalwayshungry.html#:~:text=Overweight%20Children&text=In%20this%20case%2C%20their%20bodies,separate%20article%20on%20childhood%20obesity.

(from a mum who was put on restrictive diets starting at age 10 and has had lifelong struggles.)

Could you try a

lean meat, fish or vegetarian diet. Lots of veg loaded stews, fruit bowls for snacks and to miss carbs on 2 days ( that’s partly the 5/2diet ) or just in the evenings as she’ll probably have carbs at school. Protein doesn’t need to be high calorie either, beans and lentils are great low cal sources. Check out Moroccan stews, curries etc.

With masses of veg in the meals the calories and fat are low but because of this she could eat larger portions if she’s hungry.

I would avoid all processed foods. Think, not many people were overweight in the 50s and before and they ate full cooked breakfasts and two other large meals. Why. Probably partly because they didn’t snack and ate home cooked food.
So make the meals substantial, ditch the unhealthy snacks and avoid high calorie fatty foods and too many carbs.

You could also try cooking some meals together, so she feels involved and will eat what you make.

Exercise is crucial though, even if it’s just walking to school to start.

Ps. Forgot.
Mushrooms are like wonder diet food. They have hardly any calories so a huge mushroom curry or stew with lentils and lots of veg every now and then is great.
Enjoy experimenting OP

It's hard to judge looking at just that photo. But there clearly is an issue, and you look to be addressing it so that's fine.

Doesn't seem well balanced. Fresh veggies and such would be better also rather than canned or prepared.

Zombie alert