Does this look like not enough food for a 12 year old

[TinySlicer]

Hi dd is 12 and quite overweight for her age and I am trying to get a hold of the situation as I was overweight in my teens and young adult years and it made me miserable

She tells me I am not feeding her enough and it isn't fair how much less I am letting her eat and I am aware it's hard because she will most likely be fully aware why I'm giving less even though I would never say to her.

I like to think I am doing the right thing but is this not enough for a meal? It's a fish cake with some cheese and veggies with sauce

depends on the rest of her diet.

if she has a hot lunch at school with chips or pasta or potatoes- I think this is a fine amount of food for dinner. The fish cake will have some mash in it.

If she eats lighter at lunch then I think you should give her a few boiled potatoes with a meal like this.

It’s hard to judge, we can’t tell proportions from the photo, the plate could be huge or tiny.
Its not a bad meal, looks like there is lots of veg.

I would expect to have some carbs with that, rice or potatoes probably. How does she feel about her body? Does she want to loose weight? Have you looked at the calorie and nutrition content of the meal? More protein and complex carbs will keep her fuller for longer. Maybe involve her in preparing and choosing meals so you can talk about nutrition and health in a non judgemental way.

It's just a normal dinner plate.

I used to let her get school lunches but thought it's handy it's school holidays as I can put a stop to them for the new school year

I think she would push for more potato's and ask why she can't considering I used to let her have more if she asked at least with this there's 2 fosh cakes in a box so knows we each get one and I say she can have as much more veg as she wants.

It's so hard

As above, it feels incomplete without carbs. Have you considered the calories in the cheese & the sauce?

What’s her exercise like? How much does she move? Can you do family swims/hikes etc.

I add a bit of cheese and sauce so she will eat healthier things she won't eat it without

I try to get her involved in more exercise but she just refuses and says she feels out of breath fast so it's a vicious circle really

She isnt very bothered about her weight it seems . very confident and happily wears a crop top or bikini on holiday etc which im thankful for as I was the completely opposite but I still need to try and help her as she has been gaining quite quickly and I think made worse that she cares way more about food than her weight

I'd put rice or potatoes with that. Potatoes don't have fat. It looks like it's missing something.
Also, maybe she is going to have a growth spurt really soon? My 12 year olds face and tummy can get very rounded, and then she grows another inch!

I think that seems a sensible lunch but impossible to judge without knowing rest of her diet. Sorry but I'm not sure your approach is that helpful, if it's causing angst already. She's old enough to be having sensitive and open discussions about health and nutrition, not focused on weight loss, but for energy and general health.

You could start by looking at how many calories per day a normal 12 year old needs and working out how many calories are in the meals you're giving her.

But I also think you need to encourage her to be part of this decision rather than just restricting what she eats. At 12, she's old enough to have some agency over this and by denying her you are likely to set her up for issues with emotional eating/ binge eating further down the line.

At her age, I do think any 'diet' needs to be a conversation rather than you trying to force it. She obviously knows what you are doing and is probably feeling a bit rubbish about it.

Also why have you removed all the carbs from her meal? - Carbs are an important part of a balanced diet.

It’s very hard to tell from that pic
two very important questions:

1. does she wants to loose weight? Is she happy with her current weight
2. is she up for the change of diet

honestly at 12, she will know, she maybe self conscious and you not telling her why the change of portion sizes will just make her more self conscious also, if she’s hungry, she’s hungry, nothing worst than having a restrictive diet when you’re hungry I’m sure you have, but have you examined the rest of her diet, are you making sure she has lots of high protein, slow release carbs, is she doing enough physical activities ? have you got her onboard to try new recipes ?

Could you perhaps give her sweet potato or brown rice and lose the cheese, to give her a bit of carb without upping the calories too much?

My DD was a dustbin at 12 and she'd definitely still have been hungry with just a fishcake and some veg.

Are you sure it’s not just puppy fat? I was like that and it dropped off over night at about 14 - Same for my son and some of my cousins?

I think your better off talking to her about healthy eating that just reducing her meal sizes, like you said she probably already knows why, cant be good for her self esteem and not good for her relationship with food

And the fish cakes are fried at some stage I assume.

You can’t judge based on one meal, you need to look over the course of a week.

but making her feel she is being deprived won’t do anything to help her relationship with food

Is she actually overweight? As in, has the GP expressed concern about it? Or is it just your judgement? (And how overweight is she?)

Either way, try not to project your own experiences onto her - she is obviously more confident than you were at her age, which is a very good thing, and you really need to avoid giving her a complex about this.

Any conversations you do have with her should be around health and energy - e.g. being able to run and do activity without getting out of breath - rather than weight and body image.

Peas and corn are carbs, that looks like plenty to me.

I would consider bulking the meals with more veg / salad, protein, potatoes but go easy on high fat stuff like cheese.

I don’t think it looks a lot, my youngest is a bit older but would be hungry later if that was her dinner and she’s a healthy weight. Its what, 400 calories?

What does she usually eat in a day? How tall is she and how much does she weigh? Is she active?

GP actually said right to her face that she is overweight and probably the issue for her ankle hurting I was a bit shocked as I wouldn't have said it how he did. She is quite big for her age yes and it isn't just puppy fat and the last thing I want is to give her a complex especially as she is so confident but I don't know how to help her otherwise so just doing my best

Sorry I know it's just one meal but it represents very similar to what she gets each day and wasn't sure if it's not enough for her as she is moaning it isn't but it seemed like it was

Gosh how difficult for you.

It's hard to say based on that one plate of food. It looks ok but to me it's a bit of an odd combination, that's just my personal taste. I'd have some rice or potatoes with a fishcake and veg.

What is a normal days diet like for her as that's the bigger picture.

Would she do something like couch to 5k together? I'd be coming down hard on the exercise, it's essential that she does something I'd be insisting. I'm sure plenty wouldn't agree with me.

I mostly never comment on food threads but I would perhaps keep a bag of salad potatoes nearby as they really are very low calorie. I don't truly understand why that's so but it is.

I think you're wise to tackle this now and it sounds as if you're doing all that you can. I've never eaten cheese on a fishcake so it seems new to me but, I would probably suggest to have a high protein yoghurt instead of the cheese. Your daughter could choose - cheese or that yoghurt. The yoghurts really are filling whereas cheese is just not, delicious as it is.

Best wishes to you and your daughter, OP.

I’d try and get her to exercise more . Could you do some exercise classes in the evening together - Pilates , yoga , a salsa dancing class etc .

@Floralnomad

yoga is really unlikely to burn many cals

Is there potato in the fish cake?

My 12 yo Dts would want more than that.

Has she hit puberty?

IME, children often put on a load of weight just before they have a growth spurt. This could be the case with your DD.

The meal looks okay. I’m not sure why people are worried about carbs. I assume there is potato in the fish cake and the vegetables you have served are also quite carb-y.

Cheese is very dense in calories, so, if she doesn’t feel full, maybe cut that, but serve more lean protein (a piece of fish, rather than a fish cake, maybe? I don’t know the proportion of fish in the fish cake.)