Does this look like not enough food for a 12 year old

[TinySlicer]

Hi dd is 12 and quite overweight for her age and I am trying to get a hold of the situation as I was overweight in my teens and young adult years and it made me miserable

She tells me I am not feeding her enough and it isn't fair how much less I am letting her eat and I am aware it's hard because she will most likely be fully aware why I'm giving less even though I would never say to her.

I like to think I am doing the right thing but is this not enough for a meal? It's a fish cake with some cheese and veggies with sauce

Feed her a healthy balanced diet, what is in the fish cake? Why not replace it with fish and good quality vegetables? Don’t feed her foods on a regular basis that include ingredients you don’t have at home.

@SisterAgatha
"It's not an issue because he isn’t at all overweight and his physical output allows for big plates."

Are you seriously suggesting that the OP's picture shows a "big plate"???

I think you are wrong to be focussing on the quantity of food when what you should be focussed on is the quality of the food.

Processed fishcake and some manky mixed veg with some cheese and what looks like Nando’s sauce (?) isn’t a great dinner really and there are a lot of empty calories there.

If you are serious about her losing weight you need to be cooking proper dinners with lean protein and grains like rice and cous cous, lots of veg. With healthier food options she will be able to pile her plate much higher and she won’t feel so short changed or picked on.

I absolutely don’t think that your daughter should start something like slimming world as that’s not a good thing to get into at a young age but you could definitely look to some of their recipes for inspiration.

What has caused her to become so overweight in the first place? Is she snacking a lot or is it the meals she is fed?

@Thoughtful2355 hopefully you not a nutritionist advising against cheese which will help the child feel full and advocating stir fry fried in no oil but with a tin of tomatoes instead and lots of boiled potatoes

A big plate for a 7 year old, yes.
A small plate for a 12 year old, no.

And I didn’t say peas were full of sugar. I said for the calories and nutrients they are a bit of a waste. You can get more value from other green vegetables, eat more with less potential to gain weight and get more iron at the same time; with less calories spent and you won’t feel as hungry.

81 cals per 100g of peas
34 cals per 100g of broccoli

i previously said you could eat twice the amount but it looks like it’s just under 3x

Thank you very much for the suggestions im going to definitely try and do better atm im trying to just provide things that she likes and will eat hence the sauce and cheese and peas/corn. She doesn't like broccoli and not sure she would eat plain fish but she likes chicken so will try and do that with potato's or mash or something

I am not quite sure the areas to blame for weight gain but it is probably a mix of everything I always allowed her more food if she was hungry and based on these answers maybe it was not always very good stuff and she would also have quite a bit for school lunches as she could buy whatever up to £2.90 on her card.

@TinySlicer If she likes fishcakes try making them- they are really easy and freeze well. Mashed potato without butter and poached white fish. Season well then make into patties, dip in flour and bake. Frozen veg is fine, but maybe some fresh as well? Broccoli with a little sesame oil and sesame seeds would make this meal healthier and more interesting and more filling!

Broccoli also holds sauce REALLY well; as a vegetable you can pair it with small amounts of sauce - a fraction of what is on that pictured plate - and still get the full flavour.

You need to keep a fully detailed food diary for a 7 day week every single thing recorded and take that to community dietician. One meal says nothing. Use a notebook or an app to record on your phone you will see how many calories total each day. And what food types.

Sometimes it’s just the things they like OP. My daughter has no sweet tooth, would happily munch away on a whole cucumber.

I was overweight for many years and finally lost the 5 stone by cutting the white carbs and swapping for buttery vegetables. Before that I’d just drastically cut everything out and eventually gained it back.

bear in mind she will grow too. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Young’s battered fish is around 230 cals and the fish ca&4 is 300-400 I reckon, so maybe swapping to a whole fish like that as a transcription to a piece of salmon or something (200 cals) as a long game goal.

salad as well, if I add chives and lemon my kids eat loads of it: Makes no sense but it works!

Transition*

That would be a very small meal for my dd who is 14 but about the height and weight of an average 12 year old. She has been eating adult prtions since she was about 9/10, and she remains petite and slender. If your dd is genuinely hungry then she needs to eat, a baked potato with that might go a fair way towards filling her up, or an apple afterwards.

Volume eating might be worth looking at. Of course she needs protein and good fats etc

Volume food are like..
Pringles - high cal for a few and you don't feel satisfied vs a bag of plain popcorn with some seasoning
Bulking food out with veg and salad
Strawberries - you get loads for a small amount of calories

Lots on Instagram and google for food ideas, see pic attached

Op age 12 is tricky, a few of the girls in my so ‘s class appeared overweight at 12, now at 14/15/16 have shot up in height or just evened out- I was talking about how my 12 yo seemed to be gaining then seemed to even off. Yes maybe you need to talk about healthy eating etc but personally I’d find restricting potatoes if she asked for them and piling veg high a bit miserable (I am sorry!!)

How overweight is she and for how long has she been overweight?
Does she say she's hungry?
I would be concerned about the lack of exercise.
In all honesty how much can you monitor what she is buying and eating on a school day (on the way to and from school, at school)?

Has she gone through puberty yet?

AND fish cakes are usually made with potatoes and fried so carbs and fat.

that food looks plenty

It wouldn't be enough for my 12 year old but he is very active. But like, I would triple that at least for him. Their internal organs and brain is still developing and they need a lot of energy.

But the right kind of energy. I think potatoes - a big jacket filled with beans and a bit of cheese or tuna or similar with salad, maybe some fish or chicken. Not processed (which a fish cake is) and enough so she is satisfied as otherwise she will snack and that is likely to be far worse with sugar, salt and saturated fat.

A quick Google says:

"Girls who are moderately active need about 1,600 calories per day from ages 7 to 9, 1,800 calories per day from ages 10 to 11, and 2,000 calories per day from ages 12 to 17"

As she is growing there is a good chance she actually needs more food than a grown woman.

That meal you have shown in your OP probably contains 350-400 calories, tops. It is a small portion for an evening meal - it certainly wouldn't satisfy me. Would it satisfy you?

At her age it is normal for her to eat the same as an adult woman, if not a bit more.

Try focussing on healthy, whole, unprocessed food rather than giving her tiny portions that aren't satisfying. I'm not surprised she is complaining with that tiny portion.

I've always found fish cakes annoying because they are more than 50% potato so I never know what to put with them....a proper piece of fish with some boiled potatoes on the side would probably feel more satisfying. She'd get more fish that way so the extra protein so will probably fill her up more

With exercise OP is there anything she really enjoys doing that wouldn't feel like exercising to her?

We've done swimming.
Trampolining.
Different walks with the dog's,included tree climbing and having races with one another and the dogs.
Dance classes
Playing Golf(DD now 15)is disabled and she loved playing golf.
Rafting/canoeing (on a river) if you have a group near you.
Rock/wall climbing if you have an indoor place near by.
Another one of ours did boxing(we have 5DC)One did Cheerleading(with their school)they all did karate, they've all done the gym usually one on one with they're Dad.
3 of them used to go bmxing together on a near by bike course.

I've found the best way to get my lot to exercise if they don't want to is to do things( like above)that children don't see as exercise they just see it as having fun.

I’d not be going on what Google says as a target for cals per day. This is entirely dependant on the child’s height and metabolism but you don’t want to get in to all that for a 12 year old, it’s too limiting.

The meal shown is also way over 400 cals, the fish cake alone will be that. Cheese, 30g is 125… the veg more as it’s corn and peas. The carrots will be negligible.

id cut the calories by stealth ie working towards bigger portions of healthier choices, but agreed about being more active in an enjoyable way and making it about healthy choice rather than xx cals per day.

She needs more carbs for that specific meal but I think you’re focusing on one meal. You don’t want her to leave the table still very hungry and she’s end up raiding the junk cupboard.
Give her a bit more if she’s still hungry and get some carbs in there.

Focus on cutting down on all the junk and fried foods you guys have during the week and have it once a week for starters.
focus on having a sweet piece of fruit as desert, sweet plums or nectarines or grapes can be lovely and help with cravings for sweets.

The meal shown is also way over 400 cals, the fish cake alone will be that. Cheese, 30g is 125

The fish cake alone is probably around 250, based on the boxed varieties available in commercial supermarkets. That's also not 30g shredded cheese, more like 15g at a push. The sauce is the only other really calorific thing on the plate, but even that isn't much.

So definitely not "way over" 400 kcal. Possibly around 400 kcal and still with inadequate nutritional balance - not enough.

The meal shown is also way over 400 cals, the fish cake alone will be that.
I just chucked a waitrose essential fishcake in the oven for the toddler’s supper and it’s only 155 calories! He’s having it with a few new potatoes, a giant blob of mayo and green beans that if we’re lucky might get licked 😂

I do think that is 30g, some is under the veg and also in the sauce. It’s hard to tell when grated, I weigh mine before I grate as it’s so difficult to judge. Agreed though, it does depend where the fish cake is from or home made etc. it’s why I previously said 300-400 on the fish cake. The ones I buy are 399 but they have sauce inside. Home made could be loads.

By contrast I’m having a steak stir fry tonight that will clock it at 500. And I probably won’t eat it all.