Does this look like not enough food for a 12 year old

[TinySlicer]

Hi dd is 12 and quite overweight for her age and I am trying to get a hold of the situation as I was overweight in my teens and young adult years and it made me miserable

She tells me I am not feeding her enough and it isn't fair how much less I am letting her eat and I am aware it's hard because she will most likely be fully aware why I'm giving less even though I would never say to her.

I like to think I am doing the right thing but is this not enough for a meal? It's a fish cake with some cheese and veggies with sauce

It doesn’t look very nice, or even like a proper meal. Why the cheese? It’s really light on protein as most fishcakes are mostly potato so won’t be massively filling. Is it just the one fishcake? My skinny 2YO would have 1 plus a few potatoes. There are much better ways to fill her up that look like a proper meal without going OTT on the calories. So I’d say not too much at all, probably just not the best choice, and if she’s hungry later then she’s more likely to snack. As for her being overweight, a snapshot of one meal is useless really as it’ll be the cumulative effect of everything.

I would add more protein in that meal... and more protein to get diet generally as she is growing. but exercise is key. maybe join a dance group or some other activity she enjoys.

People on this thread don't seem to be aware that veg is a carb.

There will also be mash in the fishcake and the coating is breadcrumbs.

If she's still hungry then more fat or protein is the way to go.

Perhaps a starter of veg sticks and hummus?

Doesn't look substantial enough.
If it's a fish cake from the freezer then it's not going to be filling. If it's homemade, it'll probably have more protein and be better.

What else is she eating?

If she's overweight, try to get away from wheat based meals and increase protein.
Get her drinking lots of water too.

Depends if that's her main evening meal what would she have for lunch and breakfast, any snacks?

You are feeding her an inadequate amount of protein in that meal, yes. Fish cake and cheese in total probably has about 15g of protein for 300 kcal, whereas something like a grilled chicken breast will have about 30g protein for the same calorie amount (which is also, by weight, more food.)

It's not really surprising she doesn't find it satisfying - it's food which isn't very nutritionally balanced. The aim should be for more protein, and yes, carbs in moderation.

And pack your eating issues away when approaching this. Her issues, and the solutions to them, are not going to be the same as yours.

I think that if she’s really resistant to exercise then you need to try and work it into her life rather than accepting her no.

Would she walk into town with you for a trip to Claire’s (no mention of exercise- just I’m doing this do you want to come and I’ll buy you some new hair stuff)? Would she do something cool like climbing, paint balling, kayaking? Would she swim if you took her mates? Would she do a dance class?

With the food I’d try and reduce how much is processed. Would she eat a chicken breast and a couple of small potatoes instead of the fish cake?

As far as exercise is concerned, boxing is what my daughter is interested in. I'm obsessed with it myself, not for combat, just the incredible exercise and feeling of wellbeing that it gives you.

I thought that was a jacket potato at first.
Mine would be hungry after that, unless they had a big lunch. I'd take off the cheese and add something else to the plate.

Is that frozen veg? It can be quite tasteless and watery, if she's not eating it without lots of sauce can you try different veggies instead?

One fish cake doesn’t seem like much to me. I like veg but don’t find it very filling. Would definitely have potato or rice with that.

Depends. Is that her lunch or dinner?
We also don't know what else she had eaten that particular day OP.

i agree with her. You need to lead with healthy food and portion sizing, under feeding her and leaving her hungry is just going to cause her major issues. It’s not enough for her.

and be careful, mine was chubby, then puberty hit, she grew so fast, just shot up, her weight stayed the same and so she went from a very chubby five foot five child to a very slim size 8 , five foot ten, child in the space of a year

they can grow up to just under 5 inches in a year when puberty hits.

It's impossible to tell from one meal to be honest. What's the rest of her diet like? If she's hungry then chances are higher she's going to crave high cal low density foods. If she's happy to eat a variety of stuff I'd keep the fruit bowl stocked, have some chopped veg in the fridge, and for meals make sure they're balanced ie protein, carbs and veggies. Fat isn't always the enemy either, and as little processed stuff as possible. If she doesn't enjoy just running around is there anything she likes that has a by product of exercise? For example DS loved geocaching and although he'd moan about just walking for the sake of it he'd happily potter about for hours doing that.

It's hard as you want to instill healthy habits and lifestyle choices at this age regarding food and being active but without restricting and leading to unhealthy habits.

Could you put more plain mashed potato in the fish cake? A bit more carbohydrate and it would look bigger too....

I don't think this is enough food for an adult, let alone a growing child. Your daughter also complains she is not getting enough food and I don't think you are going about the weight issue in the right way. I would make sure she has 3 proper meals a day and eats until full. Sweet treats (if she insists) twice a week (something small), no soft drinks, juices, if she needs to snack then she can have fruit, veg, humus (something boring to just stave off hunger) loads of protein in every meal and water.

Well I have a 12-year-old boy and if I gave him that to eat he'd think it was a starter! If you want her to lose weight, you need to give her a plate that is full of food, but healthy food.

The meal looks good but I'd want carbs (rice, potatoes) to keep me full and reduce the risk of eating garbage for pudding. At 12 she should have a say in what she gets to eat within reason, if she's hungry she's hungry, teenagers are dustbins for food.

Also you were miserable at the time and I understand your trying to protect your daughter from that, but she isn't atm, so as long as food's healthy (which from the photo looks like it) and she's happy is it a problem? Might be better to have a conversation with her (instead of reducing portions without explaination?) as she could (wrongly) infer that you have something against her weight, which might lead her to not say if she became miserable in the future?

My 7 year old would eat that but we are quite an active family so it isn’t an issue. Take her swimming each week, family bike ride, walking, cut the cheese and add a small amount of potato, more green veg - corn I find a worthless veg nutrition wise, for the calories in it, it’s not worth it. Same with peas, you could eat twice the amount of broccoli for the same calorie value as peas.

I wondered when the "peas are full of sugar" comment would arrive! 🤣

@SisterAgatha "My 7 year old would eat that but we are quite an active family so it isn’t an issue."

What do you mean by "not an issue"?

Just to add that I don’t eat white carbs very often. Never have rice, pasta or potatoes, I lost 5 stone and I’d spent a lot of my life yo yo dieting.

I enjoy the vegetables but I butter them as much as I like because overall it’s still fewer cals and more nutritional to eat the veg than the potato. The added fat stops you getting hungry. I have a lot of protein - salmon rather than a fish cake - as that fills you up too. If I do fancy a dessert it’s strawberries. High vit c (better than oranges in fact) and very low calorie spend. You could eat a while punnet for the same as two chocolate biscuits.

small changes like this OP

its not an issue because he isn’t at all overweight and his physical output allows for big plates.

Shop bought fish cakes don't really work as a meal in this house - I have a 12 and a 14 year old.
There is something missing from the meal. None of us really want more carbs (and I'm usually the one saying pile the carbs onto my plate) but we are all hungry afterwards.

As an alternative example my (skinny) kids would have a piece of salmon, nearly that much veg, and either some mashed potato (if I'm cooking) or boiled rice (if DH is cooking). The 14 year old might add a fried egg.... Usually with fruit and yoghurt afterwards.

So maybe look at shifting what goes on a plate to more protein, less refined?

It also matters what else they eat in a day - how many snacks they have, and how active they are.

To be fair it's not massively healthy or a lot so I'd be going with healthier options but more food, stuff like chicken breast with veggies and rice or chicken and veg stir frys, don't cook in oil. Don't use pre bought sauces use mostly tins of chopped tomatoes or homemade sauces.

Don't serve anything made with breadcrumbs or coverings only plain meat or fish with the homemade sauces. If potato served then try to make these the filling kind such as boiled potatoes, jacket potatoes or baby potatoes.

Don't serve cheese as it's very high in fat and calories

Also I like adding cous cous or quinoa to meals to make a low calorie filler