To ignore BMI as an indicator of a child being overweight?

[HappyHolidays22]

My DD is 4, 5 in 2 months time. She’s tall for her age and looks older than she is because of this. (Just for context, her dad is 6 ft 5 and I am the shortest female in the family at 5 ft 6… so she doesn’t come from small stock!)

Today we had a letter from some NHS service to say that they have done some measurements in school (with our permission) and that she is overweight. Her height is just over 118cm and weight slightly over 26kg. According to the BMI calculator this puts her over then 90th percentile and therefore overweight…

but my problem is that she looks totally in proportion for her height! Never in a million years would I have thought to say she was overweight…

we eat healthily and encourage DD to eat a range of foods (with varying levels of success as I think is normal for a 4 year old).

my question is - AIBU to ignore this BMI calculator/info from the NHS if I believe my daughter is fine? Or should I be doing something to trim her weight down? (Of course, I’d never ever tell DD this as don’t want her to ever have a complex!)

Thanks to everyone who has been kind and supportive and offered advice!

Im feeling much less ‘upset’ (with myself) than I did during the night as I can now start to make the changes we need… DD has walked to school this morning (with a umbrella which did the trick to make it seem like a fun treat rather than mum entering into operation-health-kick!)

when the LO is down for a nap, the cupboards are being reviewed to see what needs to be thrown out and what I need to add to a shopping list!

thanks again all for the links and advice.

@BungleandGeorge that's ridiculous. OP sounds perfectly sensible, quite capable of making sensibly tweaks to her daughters diet. What do you expect the GP to do exactly that any reasonable sensible parent isn't capable of?

No wonder the NHS is on its knees.

I'm glad you're not feeling upset anymore. You have taken the advice well and are doing what the NHS hopes people will do. You are being responsible and tackling it.

They have given you a wake up call early on and a few small tweaks will get this issue sorted. Don't beat yourself up.

Don't throw the food away.

Put it in a food bank if sealed etc

Good point about the food bank!! Will keep this in mind…

@NonJeNeRegretteRien ok. Hilarious!

Yes this! Op the fact your child has a high BMI isn't an indication of you as a parent, you sound like you have her best interests at heart and the tweaks sound entirely sensible.

Firstly please don't guilt yourself. It takes a lot of guts to be introspective and think "can I do this differently" and even more so when you're dealing with a baby and all that comes with that. Parenthood is a constant learning game and I'm sure most folk on here are finding their way. If I were you, I'd take a slightly different tack with this and focus on getting little one active (in a way that works with your 7 month old) before changing diet too much (but I never had a hummus/ carrot eater). Age 4 is the perfect age to start trying new activities and there are so many benefits to sport for little ones. Other advantage is it can be an organized activity so you're not trying to juggle the baby and your child. Maybe look at sporty after school clubs? If nothing run by school, have a look online for kids classes in your area- I bet you'll have ballet tots/ football tots/ Matt Fiddes martial arts for ages 3+/ tennis skills/ gymnastics etc.... When my little one was in reception, we had a brilliant WhatsApp class community and would pool together to help with lifts to different clubs. Kids loved it as they were doing a fun activity with their friends and really helped parents who needed to work at pick up/ had babies/ secondary school age children. Swimming would be awesome as its a life skill anyway. It's a bit pricy but you can usually skip the queue and get 1:1 lessons at most pools- health clubs and council (its about £16 for 30 mins) and its an intense work out for a kid as its constant swimming. You can usually share it with a friend for £8 so its 2:1. If that's not an option, maybe look if other pools have a shorter wait list as the council swim classes are amazing value (that's what my little one does). Junior Park run (search in google for one in your area) is free and every weekend and starts at 4 years and can be a lot of fun. Its usually in a park so kids can play afterwards. Of course there is always the non-structured options like soft play/ trampoline park or just simply playdates at an outside green space with a friend. If they don't enjoy an activity and have given it a shot feel free to drop it and try something new. I'm sure they'll find something they enjoy (for us ballet was a massive NO but athletics has become a huge YES) and you'll be amazed at how good it is for their confidence. Good luck! I'm sure you'll crack this and that the little letter that seemed so ridiculous at first will be the start of something really great.

Well done OP for acknowledging it, it can't be easy.

My DCs are older and I've seen the cute, chubby toddlery yRs go through primary school, stretching, growing, and filling out, and by y6 they are visibly carrying surplus fat and it gets much harder to address as they gain more independence. One child I know at the upper end of primary, struggles to do anything physical now, can't do climbing walls, assault courses, walks very very slowly to the extent that on an organised activity, the check points were making emergency phonecalls to find out what happened to the group. It's sad that the child is facing such barriers to living healthily and becomes more and more sedentary. They'll have a big issue in learning healthy habits later in life.

So great to start now, and it doesn't take much to change. Eat a rainbow is simple advice which means that you'll get a good range of nutrition. I cook breakfasts which sounds a lot, but heating some beans or scrambling an egg doesn't take longer than the toast, but gives a greater range of nutrients and fills for far longer than cereal. Plus the price of wheat based cereal is now going up sharply.

Something that shocked me when I realised is that those children's bowls from IKEA can take a whole tin of soup/ beans! We had other melamine children's bowls that were at least as big as the bowls from a 1980s dinner set. It's very easy to think you're giving a sensible children's portion when it's what an adult would have eaten 40+ years ago.

Live actively; clubs/ sports are great, but just getting out and moving is important. My oldest is now at secondary and beyond walking distance, so I park the car further away for him to walk to me. It's bonus exercise and helps him build up for the walk to the bus stop and keeps walking as a habit.

If there's one nearby, junior parkrun is for 4+ and lots of families participate together, including prams. Normally 4yo pace starts as a brisk walk for an adult and many families come to improve their fitness together. Even starting with one lap to get used to it is a great way to start Sundays.

We're coming to the end of winter and it's a great time to start refreshing your diet and getting more active as a family.

when I first posted this thread last night and I started to get feedback I really didn’t want to hear, I was really regretting posting the question! BUT… I am so grateful of the ideas and suggestions (and - for the most part - really kind support) so thank you everyone.

my LO is just asleep again so I am going to start planning a fun weekend with lots of healthy food. Trying to approach it as an exciting time for us as a family to update our health in a more fun kid-focussed way… a park run sounds like a great outdoors idea!

That’s great OP. I don’t think posters intend to be mean or demoralising - more that if they phrase in the softly softly ‘sounds fine hun but maybe less treats’ way, they’re not really helping by underplaying it. Sounds like you’ve got it all in hand anyway!

Thanks @Cuppasoupmonster - hopefully by Spring, we will be back to where things should be (and probably be happier and doing more fun things as a result ) :) xx

Also realised that I’m probably giving DD far too early. She would normally eat at 4, almost as soon as she gets in from school… but this leaves far too long before bed time hence the supper. I’m going to slowly move dinner back each day until we get to a more reasonable time, maybe aiming for 4.45-5pm. If she is ‘really’ hungry by that point too, it should mean she will eat more of the things she says she doesn’t normally like…

well, let’s see. And also sorry for updating with these mundane musings… it’s helping my anxiety over the situation and feels like I have a little more control when I write it down!

Good for you OP for taking it onboard. I know a few parents who've been outraged when they got the letter and their argument is always the same - but they don't even look fat, they eat a healthy diet, they eat everything I give them! It doesn't seem fair that the kids who will eat their healthy dinners end up being overweight and the ones who pick at 2 chicken nuggets and 3 chips every night are a healthy weight but that's kids for you.

Wow. You are a superstar Mum, OP

@Ladybug14 thank you, that’s very kind! I just feel a bit frazzled tonight and I know I need to chill out now and let things happen. In time, I know this will just be one of those ‘do you remember when…’ stories between the hubby and I…. So I need to calm down :)

it was quite interesting at dinner tonight.. DD went to search through the usual places her desserts would normally be…. But when she got there the cupboard was bare!! After some mild complaining, she carried on then eating her actual dinner… not sure what else I expected haha. 😶

I'm proud of you @HappyHolidays22
I'm so sorry if I sounded horrible at all. I do know all this is hard to take on. You are doing great!

What cereal is dd eating for breakfast? It may well be full of sugar so worth looking at - even if it doesn't have a red label for sugar that may be because they are looking at 30g servings rather than what kids actually eat. For example a serving of cocoa pops is 4 table spoons.

when the LO is down for a nap, the cupboards are being reviewed to see what needs to be thrown out and what I need to add to a shopping list!

Tip: eat less from the cupboards and more from the fridge. Shelf stable food is generally pretty nutritionally suspect! Processed etc.

I also think growing food and cooking food with kids help. Well known fact they will eat any herb or vegetable from the windowsill or garden, but not from their plate.

Well done, OP. It sounds as if you have taken the (mostly) good advice on board. It is not easy with a young baby as well but, by tackling the issue now, your little girl has every chance of attaining her ideal weight in the next few months; especially as she is still only four. It would be great to hear updates if you feel up to it. Good luck.

@AnuSTart ah thank you, that’s very kind. It’s ok! There have been a few posts like yours and although blunt (and perhaps a little harsh sounding), they do make a clear point :) and no offence taken at all :) I am very grateful of the support :)

@MrsTerryPratchett like the idea of growing things!! Maybe in spring this could be something we do with lettuce and radishes (the only things I’ve ever been able to grow successfully in the past haha)

@Violinist64 thank you! I’ve got a feeling we might be in for some minor upset when DD realises the desserts are not coming back (unless there’s a specific reason for something) over the next week or two… but once the dessert habit is broken, I think we will be onto a winner with making and enjoying new active habits too. Maybe even a walk or a play in the garden after dinner when the lights become a bit brighter :) will try to post some updates :)

That is teaching awful habits around sweet foods. Just because it's low calorie doesn't mean it's a healthy thing to eat.

Breaking habits takes a bit of time, but she'll get there. This has been a wonderful thread because you've been so open to ideas @HappyHolidays22 and very calm and determined to find out the right thing for your daughter. Sending you much love ❤️

You seem like an amazing mum OP, fair play to you you've been honest with yourself and taken on board suggestions and come up with some really good ideas that will benefit your daughter as well as probably your whole family. Lots of parents take it far too personally and forget that the most important person in all of this is the child and their health. Setting them up with good and healthy habits around food and lifestyle is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.

This