Mummies please give me some hope

[abbs1]

I feel so lost with no support. My son has really bad speech delay. He will be 3yrs old in March and can hardly talk.

He can say mummy, daddy, yeam (yes/yeah), go yay (go away), no, see ya, and then colours not correctly but we know what he means, hey, heaw (help) but that's about it. He will point and try to show us what he wants or means.

We've done the online stuff the health visiting team has offered and he's had his ears tested and all fine. I've been asking the health visitor and gp for help for a year now and they said they won't do anything until he's 3 as he's a "covid baby". That phrase alone makes me so angry. They keep blaming covid and I've said it's rubbish. All the kids at his nursery and playgroups all can speak fine and on track yet he can't. We're trying everything at home to help him.

I've tried picture books, asking him to repeat after me etc etc but nothing. At 15 months he could say light, truck, duck, nana, baby and he won't say those words now at all. Nursery have said he won't repeat back either when they do one to one with him. He's getting more and more frustrated, huge tantrums, screaming, and now starting to throw things and hit out and its daily.

I don't know where to go for more help. He's such a clever boy and understands everything we ask him to do etc and has the biggest kindest heart and shows so much love and affection. I just want to help him but don't know what else to do. We can't afford private speech therapy. Everyone keeps saying give him time but aren't with him 24/7 seeing him get so upset that he can't communicate. I've tried makaton but he's not really understood it.

Is there anything else I can try? I feel like the worst mum ever and that it's my fault he can't speak. 😔

Hand hold!! I can understand your frustration.
Have you tried flash cards? They can be a massive help. Flash cards for objects, alphabet ones, numbers, ones for him let you know what he wants/needs, they come in all different packs.
It's a difficult age. My youngest is 2.5. Though speech is amazing - he's also throwing stuff, shouting, screaming and having the worst tantrums - I had never even seen them like this in my older boys 🙄😂
Can I also ask if he's your first child? My middle DS didn't talk a sentence until 4/5 was very limited to 1 or 2 words until then. Even at preschool. It was because his older brother spoke for him, he knew what he wanted and what he was trying to say so would instantly try to help (bless him) by talking for him and saying everything. Which in turn just made my middle ds lazy so to speak. Obviously it doesn't necessarily have to be an older sibling - anyone could be trying to talk for him instead of promoting him.
You sound like you're doing all you can - sorry I have no other advice or tips. Keep going mumma! If you feel something isn't quite right- keep pushing xx

Prompting him** not promoting!!x

Ask HV and Gp for a SALT referral. Be very direct and clear with what you're asking for. Speak to the HV team lead if needed. Ask if you can self refer. Ask if nursery can refer.

Can you afford private SALT?

Im not picking at you, you're doing your best, but making him repeat words you say isn't really helpful. Nursery should know this.

Also if you're saying his development has regressed, it's important to mention this to the professionals you are speaking to.

Best wishes

Just to add - you can self refer to SALT. Here you could anyway as I was told to when ds was younger. It was like a drop in a clinic at a centre and from there it would be regular sessions. May be worth having a Google around your area.

Aww thank you. Any flashcards you can recommend or just some off amazon?
He is our first child. I have a 10 month old daughter as well.
I'm glad he's not the only one with a temper tantrums. 🙈 I'm finding this age definitely the hardest.
My husband thought he may be lazy because of he just screams and cries he gets what he wants so we're trying to deal with that and remind him to clap to ask please for what he'd like etc.

I asked again today about the SALT referral and they said he's not allowed until his 3rd birthday. I argued with how long the wait list is he may not be seen until he's nearly 4 whereas if they referred him now he might get seen sooner after his 3rd birthday. I will try the GP again and see if they can push it and Nursery too.

Unfortunately we can't afford private or I would do it. Initial consultation was best part of £200 and then £50 per session after that.

I will try and call and see if I can speak to a senior health visitor or management to see if they can do anything more for him now. I just don't see how it's acceptable for them to leave it so long especially as I've been asking for support for a year now as he's been behind since he was 15-18 months old.
They kept refusing to do his 2yr review and said they wouldn't do it until he was 3 and I had to kick up a right fuss for months so they did it at 2 1/2 and it showed he was struggling like i knew he was but still said they wouldn't do anything and just monitor it.

@abbs1 Etsy, amazon. There's so many different ones. But even simple ones for yes or no (thumbs up, thumbs down) etc, tired/bed, hungry/food, thirsty/drink, toilet, hug/cuddle, things like that. Have a look on amazon and loads will pop up. Get whatever appeals to you and that you'd think would benefit him just to kick start his speech again for now, and go from there!
I know flash cards have been of use to children with AND without any SEN at a young age - so it is worth a try at least, stick with it for a good couple of weeks and you'll soon know if he will take to them/they'll help 😊 you could even make them yourself if you're crafty.

Honestly it's hard - they're so stubborn at this age. My eldest is 9 and when I think his attitude and back chat is bad, I soon get reminded it could be worse when my 2.5 kicks off 😂 I feel you, it can be so draining too! Xx

Have you had his hearing tested?

I find this completely bonkers - because having a 2.5 well nearly 3 YO myself. He's 3 in Jan.. the HV here have always been spot on with his reviews and have never once used "covid baby" as an excuse for anything.

I did have a look but they said he can't go to it or do sessions until he's 3 and has to be referred from the hv team. 🤦‍♀️

I've done to online one which was useless and referred him for a hearing test which was fine and then we did talk together also online but I've been doing everything they said for the past year already and not got any further with it.

He needs face to face and someone to assess him and not just me on the phone or video call chatting about him etc but it's so hard to get that now it seems.

I will definitely mention this when I call. Thank you.

Can he be referred for speech therapy on the NHS ? My dd who is now 17 was not saying much by 3 and she was referred for speech therapy and it really helped.. My friends ds was a lot later speaking and also had swallowing problems. The delayed speech was mostly resolved by the time they started school.

Oh fab! Thank you. I will have a look.

Haha! I'm glad it gets better as they get older! Xx

Yes. He had it done in the summer and it came back clear.

My 3 1/2 year old has been under SALT for a year, they been watching and waiting but she is on their case load and they’ve given advice. Nursery referred her but we can self refer in our area.

See if you can self refer and tell the GP you have concerns about their hearing and ask to be referred for a hearing test.

It's madness. It's come up every time I've spoken to any of the hv team about his speech. Keep saying all "covid babys" are speech delayed. Well no they aren't as none of his little friends are. I think it's a cop out so they don't have to deal with it.

My MIL keeps banging on that my husband didn't speak till he was 2yrs old. That was 30 odd years ago and my son is a completely different person.

Haha. The joys of kiddos!

Keep us posted. Stick to your guns if you're worried - you're his mum.. you see him day in, day out. They don't! Push for the answers you both deserve.. and if it turns out to be him just being lazy - excellent. At least you will be able to worry less and be a bit more chill about everything.
I also agree - he needs to be seen face to face xx

Did you go through the gp to a paediatrician for the referral? When I last spoke to his gp they said the hv deal with it but maybe I need to push harder from that side.

Our firstborn was a boy, not a covid baby!

Hardly any speaking like yours until he turned 3. Took off just after 3, now super bright and chatty. He was just taking everything in!

It's really common with boys.

I had no concerns about understanding.

2 girls after that, one spoke at 2, the third was basically full sentences at 18 months!

They're all different.

I was worried though, who wouldn't be?

Just wanted to share a positive and not uncommon experience with you...

Is the 3 years of age for a referral an area thing?
My son got referred at 2 no issue.
Do nursery also say wait until 3?

What helped my child with his speech is;
Singing - alphabet, nursery rhymes. I would literally sing all day, even if I didn't think he was listening, he was. Standing doing dishes whilst he ate etc.
Writing down the alphabet and numbers
Repeating one word 3 times in 3 different sentences;
Look at the red bus, wow the bus is going fast, hello bus
Flash cards - we started with two and once some confidence had grown added/changed them round.
Sound bags - can make your own, 5 objects you know interest him. Pull one out, say what it is and talk about it whilst adding the object name into each sentence.

Health visitor sorted our referrals out. If your current one is playing ball I'd personally ring the centre up and ask for someone else to come out and speak to you at home

It is a cop out. They're using it to their advantage almost. If he has had development regression then obviously there is a reason why - be it one reason or another you don't know. He just needs a little extra help and push, as you said.. he used to say more.. and now doesn't m/can't/won't.

Good luck my lovely 😘

Indeed! My little girl is 10 months and already says dadada, nanana, mamama.

I will keep pushing. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy but I just want to give him all the support I can to help him. I don't want him to get to 4 or 5 and wish I'd pushed harder or them come back and say had you had help from when he was younger.....

Did the regression coincide with your DD being born? Do you read, sing, eat at a table together, say rhymes etc every day? I do think Makaton would be useful - if you're asking him to clap for 'please', then if you use a recognised sign he could communicate with others outside the family too.

Aww thankyou. That gives me hope! 🥰