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Original poster

Mummies please give me some hope

68 replies

abbs1 · 19/12/2022 21:32

I feel so lost with no support. My son has really bad speech delay. He will be 3yrs old in March and can hardly talk.

He can say mummy, daddy, yeam (yes/yeah), go yay (go away), no, see ya, and then colours not correctly but we know what he means, hey, heaw (help) but that's about it. He will point and try to show us what he wants or means.

We've done the online stuff the health visiting team has offered and he's had his ears tested and all fine. I've been asking the health visitor and gp for help for a year now and they said they won't do anything until he's 3 as he's a "covid baby". That phrase alone makes me so angry. They keep blaming covid and I've said it's rubbish. All the kids at his nursery and playgroups all can speak fine and on track yet he can't. We're trying everything at home to help him.

I've tried picture books, asking him to repeat after me etc etc but nothing. At 15 months he could say light, truck, duck, nana, baby and he won't say those words now at all. Nursery have said he won't repeat back either when they do one to one with him. He's getting more and more frustrated, huge tantrums, screaming, and now starting to throw things and hit out and its daily.

I don't know where to go for more help. He's such a clever boy and understands everything we ask him to do etc and has the biggest kindest heart and shows so much love and affection. I just want to help him but don't know what else to do. We can't afford private speech therapy. Everyone keeps saying give him time but aren't with him 24/7 seeing him get so upset that he can't communicate. I've tried makaton but he's not really understood it.

Is there anything else I can try? I feel like the worst mum ever and that it's my fault he can't speak. 😔

OP posts:
christmascalypso · 19/12/2022 22:43

Flash cards can't hurt but I would recommend playing with him on the floor and commenting on his play. Turn off any background noise (eg TV). Remember not to ask too many questions - should be 5 comments to 1 question. Repeat any words he says and also extend it Eg. If he says 'bus', you say ' red bus' . (See link below) .

Uses gestures and Makaton signs for key words. Don't worry about him copying the signs or words, he needs lots of repetitions first of all. Try not to say ' say chair' 'say house' - it's much better to just model the vocabulary for him to listen to. Good luck! (I would also phone up speech therapy service yourself and see if they will accept a self referral).

www.handyhandouts.com/viewHandout.aspx?hh_number=227

Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 22:46

SunshineClouds1 · 19/12/2022 22:39

Is the 3 years of age for a referral an area thing?
My son got referred at 2 no issue.
Do nursery also say wait until 3?

What helped my child with his speech is;
Singing - alphabet, nursery rhymes. I would literally sing all day, even if I didn't think he was listening, he was. Standing doing dishes whilst he ate etc.
Writing down the alphabet and numbers
Repeating one word 3 times in 3 different sentences;
Look at the red bus, wow the bus is going fast, hello bus
Flash cards - we started with two and once some confidence had grown added/changed them round.
Sound bags - can make your own, 5 objects you know interest him. Pull one out, say what it is and talk about it whilst adding the object name into each sentence.

Health visitor sorted our referrals out. If your current one is playing ball I'd personally ring the centre up and ask for someone else to come out and speak to you at home

They said it was due to backlog because of covid. But then my daughter had her 9-12 month review today without it being delayed so who knows.
I think it must be an area thing the referrals.

I will try some of the things you suggest. We sing, read books etc and I'm constantly talking to him. He loves the new colour blocks on cbeebies.

OP posts:
Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 22:47

Sameshitdifferentdayx · 19/12/2022 22:39

It is a cop out. They're using it to their advantage almost. If he has had development regression then obviously there is a reason why - be it one reason or another you don't know. He just needs a little extra help and push, as you said.. he used to say more.. and now doesn't m/can't/won't.

Good luck my lovely 😘

Show quote history

Exactly. I will keep pushing for help.

Thank you hun x

OP posts:
Unstuckduck · 19/12/2022 22:49

Which nhs trust are you in? I referred my ds directly to speech and language when he was 2.5. There's just a phone number to ring. I'm northumbria incase it varies but we can do it up here

Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 22:50

Celeryfavour · 19/12/2022 22:41

Did the regression coincide with your DD being born? Do you read, sing, eat at a table together, say rhymes etc every day? I do think Makaton would be useful - if you're asking him to clap for 'please', then if you use a recognised sign he could communicate with others outside the family too.

Not really. It's more happened in the last 3 months or so. Not sure if hes just going through a huge development leap and struggling or what. We read books, sing, eat together, play games, we constantly talk.
I may try harder with the makaton and see if he will try it now he's a bit older.

OP posts:
Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 22:54

christmascalypso · 19/12/2022 22:43

Flash cards can't hurt but I would recommend playing with him on the floor and commenting on his play. Turn off any background noise (eg TV). Remember not to ask too many questions - should be 5 comments to 1 question. Repeat any words he says and also extend it Eg. If he says 'bus', you say ' red bus' . (See link below) .

Uses gestures and Makaton signs for key words. Don't worry about him copying the signs or words, he needs lots of repetitions first of all. Try not to say ' say chair' 'say house' - it's much better to just model the vocabulary for him to listen to. Good luck! (I would also phone up speech therapy service yourself and see if they will accept a self referral).

www.handyhandouts.com/viewHandout.aspx?hh_number=227

Thank you so much. I will give it a try and also call speech therapist myself.

OP posts:
mondler · 19/12/2022 22:54

If it helps my DS only had 4 words until he was about 2 years 10 months and then something clicked and he could try any word and went to sentences within a month. He knew all the words and had been taking them in until he was ready. Hes in speech therapy now as they arent the clearest but hes just turned 4 and the difference this year has made is amazing.

One technique that helped us was the ball rolling/car pushing game. He rolls you the ball and when it's your turn you wait. You ask 'you want the ball back?' and you don't pass it back until he makes some sort of affirmation. That helped the building blocks to conversation and getting him to say yes etc.

It's tough but we're all here to listen and handheld.

Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 22:56

mondler · 19/12/2022 22:54

If it helps my DS only had 4 words until he was about 2 years 10 months and then something clicked and he could try any word and went to sentences within a month. He knew all the words and had been taking them in until he was ready. Hes in speech therapy now as they arent the clearest but hes just turned 4 and the difference this year has made is amazing.

One technique that helped us was the ball rolling/car pushing game. He rolls you the ball and when it's your turn you wait. You ask 'you want the ball back?' and you don't pass it back until he makes some sort of affirmation. That helped the building blocks to conversation and getting him to say yes etc.

It's tough but we're all here to listen and handheld.

Oh right. That's really interesting so maybe it's all suddenly going to come out!
I will give that a try thank you

OP posts:
Abccde · 19/12/2022 22:58

He is still young but it's hard when you know there speech is behind.

We did get a referral through nursery (although she was probably over 3) and I've got to admit, I don't feel we really got the support she needed.

She did then get speech therapy when she started school and was signed off in Y1. Now her speech is very clear and she is excelling in all areas in school.

If I was to do it again, I would bin the council / nhs offering and go straight to Private Speech therapy as really the council weren't interested and were just doing as little as possible until she went to school.

School were very good thankfully.

Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 22:58

Unstuckduck · 19/12/2022 22:49

Which nhs trust are you in? I referred my ds directly to speech and language when he was 2.5. There's just a phone number to ring. I'm northumbria incase it varies but we can do it up here

We're in East Anglia but under West Essex I think.
I will have a Google again and see what I can find.

OP posts:
Unstuckduck · 19/12/2022 23:00

How To Access:

Anyone including parents can refer to our children's speech and language therapy service. If anyone other than the parent is referring the child, the referral must always be made with the parent's consent.

Contact Details:

West Sussex South Area (including Shoreham, Worthing and Littlehampton)
Tracy English
Tel: 01273 696011 ext 6139

Sussex Community NHS Foundation Trust
Speech and Language Therapy Service
Unit 5 The Quadrant
60 Marlborough Road
Lancing Business Park
Lancing BN15 8UW

West Sussex North Area (including Crawley, Horsham and Mid Sussex)
Julie Walker/Sue Hunt
Tel: 01403 620445

Sussex Community NHS Trust
Speech and Language Therapy Service
Horsham Hospital
Hurst Road
Horsham RH12 2DR

West Sussex West Area (including Bognor Regis, Chichester and Midhurst)
Hollie Massingham and Kirsty Hignell
Tel: 01273 696011 ext.5108

Sussex Community NHS Foundation Trust
Speech and Language Therapy Service
Bicentennial Building, 2nd Floor
Terminus Road
Chichester PO19 8EZ

If you have any comments about the service please contact:
Linda Willmott, head of children's therapy services
Tel: 01273 696011 ext. 1091
Mob: 07876 391844

Sussex Community NHS Foundation Trust
Speech and Language Therapy Service
Horsham Hospital
Hurst Road
Horsham RH12 2DR

Opening Hours:

The service is available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm (Excluding Bank Holidays)

Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 23:00

Abccde · 19/12/2022 22:58

He is still young but it's hard when you know there speech is behind.

We did get a referral through nursery (although she was probably over 3) and I've got to admit, I don't feel we really got the support she needed.

She did then get speech therapy when she started school and was signed off in Y1. Now her speech is very clear and she is excelling in all areas in school.

If I was to do it again, I would bin the council / nhs offering and go straight to Private Speech therapy as really the council weren't interested and were just doing as little as possible until she went to school.

School were very good thankfully.

Aah right. I will try and speak with nursery again and see if they can help push or do a referral.

OP posts:
Unstuckduck · 19/12/2022 23:00

Found that for wear Sussex! Hope it helps!

Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 23:01

Unstuckduck · 19/12/2022 23:00

How To Access:

Anyone including parents can refer to our children's speech and language therapy service. If anyone other than the parent is referring the child, the referral must always be made with the parent's consent.

Contact Details:

West Sussex South Area (including Shoreham, Worthing and Littlehampton)
Tracy English
Tel: 01273 696011 ext 6139

Sussex Community NHS Foundation Trust
Speech and Language Therapy Service
Unit 5 The Quadrant
60 Marlborough Road
Lancing Business Park
Lancing BN15 8UW

West Sussex North Area (including Crawley, Horsham and Mid Sussex)
Julie Walker/Sue Hunt
Tel: 01403 620445

Sussex Community NHS Trust
Speech and Language Therapy Service
Horsham Hospital
Hurst Road
Horsham RH12 2DR

West Sussex West Area (including Bognor Regis, Chichester and Midhurst)
Hollie Massingham and Kirsty Hignell
Tel: 01273 696011 ext.5108

Sussex Community NHS Foundation Trust
Speech and Language Therapy Service
Bicentennial Building, 2nd Floor
Terminus Road
Chichester PO19 8EZ

If you have any comments about the service please contact:
Linda Willmott, head of children's therapy services
Tel: 01273 696011 ext. 1091
Mob: 07876 391844

Sussex Community NHS Foundation Trust
Speech and Language Therapy Service
Horsham Hospital
Hurst Road
Horsham RH12 2DR

Opening Hours:

The service is available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm (Excluding Bank Holidays)

Oh sorry hun we're West Essex not Sussex ❤️

OP posts:
Unstuckduck · 19/12/2022 23:10

Pre-school children

We offer a telephone drop-in for parents and carers of Pre-school children age 2 years 6 months and over who have a West Essex GP (West Essex is Harlow, Epping Forest and Uttlesford districts). This provides easy access to our Speech and Language Therapy service without the need for a formal referral.

The telephone drop-in is held on Tuesday mornings between 9am and 11am. You are welcome to contact us at the drop-in on 01279 342170 if you, a Health Visitor, Family Support Worker or another professional, have concerns about your child’s speech and language development, and you need to speak to a Speech and Language Therapist.

When you call, one of our Speech and Language Therapy Assistants will ask you some questions. A Therapist will then call you back to discuss your concerns. We will give you some ideas to help you to support your child’s speech, language and communication at home.

Please note, these drop-in clinics are for parents of children with speech, language and communication issues, not feeding difficulties. They are only for parents and legal guardians, not professionals.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 19/12/2022 23:10

my youngest DC didn’t speak until nearly 4 was eventually diagnosed with ASD tho (not saying this is the case for your DC) however we used Makaton, PECS (picture exchange communication system) this worked extremely well, definitely look into this. We did lots of signing and role play. Also speak to nursery they should be able to support your son with his communication and get referrals in place for speech and language therapy. My DC doesn’t stop talking now and is thriving.

SemperIdem · 19/12/2022 23:10

I know my older stepson (9) had significantly delayed/unclear speech until he was about 6/7. You’d never know it now, he’s a little motormouth! My younger stepson is the same age as my daughter (7) and I really noticed he verbally was behind her, very nasally with his breathing and unclear when speaking - it turned out he had some sort of chronic internal inflammation (I don’t have the full details) and after being prescribed a nasal spray, he found his little voice almost immediately and is also a chatty little soul.

A more distant anecdote - the RADA trained actor Mark Rylance didn’t speak until he was 6.

Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 23:13

Unstuckduck · 19/12/2022 23:10

Pre-school children

We offer a telephone drop-in for parents and carers of Pre-school children age 2 years 6 months and over who have a West Essex GP (West Essex is Harlow, Epping Forest and Uttlesford districts). This provides easy access to our Speech and Language Therapy service without the need for a formal referral.

The telephone drop-in is held on Tuesday mornings between 9am and 11am. You are welcome to contact us at the drop-in on 01279 342170 if you, a Health Visitor, Family Support Worker or another professional, have concerns about your child’s speech and language development, and you need to speak to a Speech and Language Therapist.

When you call, one of our Speech and Language Therapy Assistants will ask you some questions. A Therapist will then call you back to discuss your concerns. We will give you some ideas to help you to support your child’s speech, language and communication at home.

Please note, these drop-in clinics are for parents of children with speech, language and communication issues, not feeding difficulties. They are only for parents and legal guardians, not professionals.

So this is the one I did had the call with them they referred him for a hearing test and then said they would refer for talk together which we did as well. Also online.
I think I'm going to have to push for the one that needs a referrer at the bottom of that page and see if nursery can be the referrer or his gp and see if that works.

Thank you for your help x

OP posts:
cutiemcsweetie · 19/12/2022 23:14

PEC cards on amazon or ebay. Really useful

Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 23:14

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 19/12/2022 23:10

my youngest DC didn’t speak until nearly 4 was eventually diagnosed with ASD tho (not saying this is the case for your DC) however we used Makaton, PECS (picture exchange communication system) this worked extremely well, definitely look into this. We did lots of signing and role play. Also speak to nursery they should be able to support your son with his communication and get referrals in place for speech and language therapy. My DC doesn’t stop talking now and is thriving.

Oh bless. I'm so glad their doing so well! I will look into PECS and speak with nursery.

OP posts:
Cakeandcoffee93 · 19/12/2022 23:15

My nephews first words started when he was three- everything before was a babble and I think he got lazy. Funny he never went to nursery either- now he’s in school he doesn’t stop speaking. I think sometimes it’s just a delay and that’s all it is.

Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 23:17

SemperIdem · 19/12/2022 23:10

I know my older stepson (9) had significantly delayed/unclear speech until he was about 6/7. You’d never know it now, he’s a little motormouth! My younger stepson is the same age as my daughter (7) and I really noticed he verbally was behind her, very nasally with his breathing and unclear when speaking - it turned out he had some sort of chronic internal inflammation (I don’t have the full details) and after being prescribed a nasal spray, he found his little voice almost immediately and is also a chatty little soul.

A more distant anecdote - the RADA trained actor Mark Rylance didn’t speak until he was 6.

Interesting. My son has had a lot of tonsillitis and ear infections. He's seen an ENT but they have no concerns.

Haha! That's what my husband says. He's really smart but won't talk until hes ready 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 23:18

cutiemcsweetie · 19/12/2022 23:14

PEC cards on amazon or ebay. Really useful

Thank you 😊👍

OP posts:
Original poster
abbs1 · 19/12/2022 23:20

Thank you everyone for all your tips, advice and support. I'm very grateful for all your comments and taking the time to help me out. Hugely appreciated.
I will keep pushing and see what help I can get from nursery, his gp and senior hv management.

OP posts:
jevoudrais · 20/12/2022 04:48

I'd push and say how long it is until he starts school and that he therefore has very little time after he makes it onto the list and gets seen before he is meant to start.

If he is summer born (from about April on) you can apply to defer him a year at school and still send him to reception. My DD Is July born and now 2. She says more than your son does but we had a private assessment and were told she has a six month delay. We will be applying to defer her for other reasons also, but the speech is also a factor. I don't want her catching up if she can start school a bit later and not have that extra pressure.

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