Mummies please give me some hope

[abbs1]

I feel so lost with no support. My son has really bad speech delay. He will be 3yrs old in March and can hardly talk.

He can say mummy, daddy, yeam (yes/yeah), go yay (go away), no, see ya, and then colours not correctly but we know what he means, hey, heaw (help) but that's about it. He will point and try to show us what he wants or means.

We've done the online stuff the health visiting team has offered and he's had his ears tested and all fine. I've been asking the health visitor and gp for help for a year now and they said they won't do anything until he's 3 as he's a "covid baby". That phrase alone makes me so angry. They keep blaming covid and I've said it's rubbish. All the kids at his nursery and playgroups all can speak fine and on track yet he can't. We're trying everything at home to help him.

I've tried picture books, asking him to repeat after me etc etc but nothing. At 15 months he could say light, truck, duck, nana, baby and he won't say those words now at all. Nursery have said he won't repeat back either when they do one to one with him. He's getting more and more frustrated, huge tantrums, screaming, and now starting to throw things and hit out and its daily.

I don't know where to go for more help. He's such a clever boy and understands everything we ask him to do etc and has the biggest kindest heart and shows so much love and affection. I just want to help him but don't know what else to do. We can't afford private speech therapy. Everyone keeps saying give him time but aren't with him 24/7 seeing him get so upset that he can't communicate. I've tried makaton but he's not really understood it.

Is there anything else I can try? I feel like the worst mum ever and that it's my fault he can't speak. 😔

Just saw you said March, darn it. I don't know if his speech delay is particularly bad whether that may mean you can still apply. My nephew is Jan born and deferring but his speech is very, very limited.

Would that mean he does 2yrs of reception? Also who decides if he's deferred?
At the moment there is no way he's anywhere near going to be ready to start in Sept 2024.

I wish going private was cheaper as I think it would benefit him so much.

I found this book really helpful. DD has caught up completely now

www.abebooks.co.uk/Toddler-Talks-Strategies-Activities-Promote-Childs/31346427093/bd?cm_mmc=ggl--UK_Shopp_Textbookstandard--product_id=UK9781477693544USED-_-keyword=&gclid=Cj0KCQiA14WdBhD8ARIsANao07gOWkKFgo4lqGDBqcUUJ7uLGVXpcC8lB5AiyTIT6xMw5FCN5v-DHC4aAn8lEALw_wcB

Oh thank you. Can I ask how far behind your DD was and how long it took to catch up?

This might have some useful resources

www.hacw.nhs.uk/childrens-speech-and-language-resources/

My DS1 had limited speech and could not talk to be understood by everybody until he was nearly 7. He is now studying for 4 A levels at grammar school!

The advice we were given was to not talk too much to him. It seems counterintuitive but if they are struggling to recreate speech if you say lots and lots of words it won't help. Similarly avoid lots of direct questions and expectations to copy words.

They recommended getting down to his level and observing him in his play. If he made a sound/word then to initially just repeat it back. Then once he was saying more single words to add an additional word 'car up', 'car fast', 'stop car' etc. These sessions were short and felt weird to begin with but really helped.

Use objects, photographs, etc to get him to choose and focus on the single word.

Just to say when ds1 was due to start school he could put together short sentences, had a limited range of consonant sounds, used 'baa' for sheep etc and could be understood probably 50% of the time by people who did not know him.

We knew he had a good understanding and I was confident he was in fact quite bright so even though he was a July birthday we did not defer. It took a while for school to recognise his abilities and the speech go there in the end.

DD had no language really until 3.5. Then spoke in complete sentences! By 5 her language skills were at least at the level of her classmates and friends and her vocabulary was much wider. It seems to me that some children just need to feel confident and then they fly. Please try not to worry.

Mine didn't speak properly until he was 4 or 5, it was mentioned at the nursery but we just waited and now he never stops talking.
There are many kids like that, it's not your fault at all.

It is sad to read they have pushed the SALT referral age back to 3 due to COVID. This is just delaying helping children and parents at a time that is so critical in their speech development!

Whilst waiting for speech therapy I would recommend taking a look at the speech delay app Pippin. I'm currently on week 7 of their speech course with my son. I've noticed a difference with his speech and he has learnt new words since starting it. We have also found some lovely speech games which we both enjoy playing together.

pippinspeech.com/

Hey just wanted to say i too am in a similar position. We're in Norfolk. 2nd child now 3years 3 months only said a couple of words like car, cake and mum until recently now saying a few more like Santa, bike, shoes. Doesn't sing at all. Has good understanding and can follow instructions. Our childminder referred back in April 22. I have chased and chased tried to seek advice. I'm told the list is long and can expect to hear in probably another 6mths - a year. Sept baby so not due to start school till sept 24. He does get awfully frustrated, it's sad watching him trying to engage with little friends that are chatting away. He will also push, tickle and bite others at times to get their attention. We can't afford private therapy either and to be honest I've enquired and most don't get back, I think they are full to capacity as demand is so high. I did insist on 2 year check. My advice would be to enlist the support of any childcare setting that your child attends to submit the referral so as to get a place in the queue. I'm told here that it's on a first come first served basis and no on basis of level of need which explains why some friends that have children that can talk and talk appear to only have pronunciation issues are already being seen before my little boy who can barely talk! Happy to be contacted if you wish to discuss further, it can feel very lonely at times when there is no support. One helpful tip I was given by a speech therapist over the phone was to always offer choices ... even if you know what they want. For eg 'would you like and apple or a banana' and hold the items at your face so they can see your face and your mouth move. When the point (as my son does) you then says ok great you'd like the banana or whatever which then repeats the word.

Thank you. I will have a look

I'm so sorry you are going through the same thing. It's so frustrating isn't it. That's really wrong that children struggling the most are falling through the cracks.
I will try the options thing as you suggest. Thank you.

I hope you get some news very soon.

Hi all,
I spoke to nursery today and they said they will look into a referral and see what other help and support they can put in place. The manager said they have a hv that comes to the nursery so with my consent she will ask the hv to assess my little boy and see what comes back. She said she can see he is struggling and his key person and room leader are apparently working closely to help him as best they can. They said they can see his level of understanding is very good and knows what he wants just can't express it.

She said when he turns 3 he will have a full speech and language and understanding assessment at nursery and from that any issues that arise will be jumped on and support given to him straight away. She said after Christmas they will look what can be done in the mean time while they get a referral done.

I feel relieved that nursery have taken on board my concerns and want to help which makes me feel much better.

Thank you everyone for giving me the push to ask again. I hate causing an issue but it's my little boy and I want to give him the best I can. 💙

That's good news. Let us know how you get in in due course.

From what you've said, your DS has had lots of tonsillitis and ear infections but a hearing test in the summer was clear? Have his tonsillitis and ear infections been evenly spread out over the year, or is it that he was ill lots over the winter and then had a better spell before the hearing test?

The timing of the hearing test is just making me wonder whether he could have glue ear (caused by all the infections) but that it cleared up over the summer if he had a longer spell without infections. DS had regular hearing tests for glue ear for 15 months and late summer / early autumn is when his hearing was the best because it had improved with a spell of no illness over the summer. If it is glue ear, how much hearing loss there is can fluctuate and it can often take out high frequencies (ie some consonants). DS had good understanding but poor speech as not only was he not hearing accurately, what he did hear varied. Does your DS make the full range of sounds and pronounce the words he does say accurately or does he substitute consonants (e.g. dake for cake), you can lists of what they should be able to say e.g. childdevelopment.com.au/resources/child-development-charts/speech-sounds-developmental-chart/ .

Yes so since he was born he's had tonsillitis probably 8-10 times I think. Most of them a and e trips as his temp spikes over 39C. He's had it 3 or 4 times this year. I just checked and he had his hearing test back in April and had 2 bad lots of tonsillitis the previous December and then Feb just before his test. Lost quite a lot of weight bless him. Hes tiny as it is. He's had it again in the summer and then had a bad ear infection in Sept and another one in November. The ENT discharged him from any further hearing tests and said from his hearing test it didn't look like glue ear.

He says sounds like la, po, dada, mum, na, bla, ba, duck, tee, oh, no, yeah, pease (please), moo, Ee-aaa (see saw), ro ro ( row row your boat), mema, oyane (orange- just said today) boo, gey (grey) yellow etc.

So he can do the sounds just doesn't make a lot of words yet that are understandable.
We've stopped all TV from yesterday and already noticeing a change in him. So keeping my fingers crossed it will help 🤞🙏

If he has glue ear then he may have fine hearing in the summer, but not over winter. Ds had glue ear, and a summer hearing test gave him perfect hearing. Two months later in October he was on about 10% hearing.

My story of hope for you involves my dd. She was an early talker, lots of words, full sentences from 18 months. I had a friend who had a dd who was almost exactly the same age within a couple of weeks. When we lost contact the girls were just over 2yo, probably about 2yrs 3 months and her dd said only one word at that point: "mummy"-and that wasn't very clear.
We met up again at a children's group when the girls were 4yo and you could not have told from their speech who was the early talker and who needed help-and if you're thinking that far ahead their English GCSEs were similar grades too.

So don't give up hope. Encourage talking by stopping, listening, getting down on his level. You expand the vocabulary (as I'm sure you've been told) by using sentences like:
Him: "Car"
You: "Yes, it's a blue car."
Him: "Blue car."
You: "Yes, the blue car goes brmmm"

But also praise all speaking. So if he calls a car "brmmm" you say. "That's right. It's a car! Well done!" Again modelling the right word, but praising him for identifying it. And don't ask him to repeat it if it's pronounced wrong. So it he says "ah" for "car" then just agree. "Yes it's a C ar" with an emphasis on the "C".

I know someone whose dc was a very late talker and an early word was "cake"-and over a couple of days she ate about 8 cupcakes because every time she said it, they gave her one. She then started trying other words that she wanted, which was brilliant because it really brought her speech on.

Signing and flashcards help them both communicate and also associate a word with an item. You can print your own with photos of things he might want. So if he has a special toy, you might have that as one, so he can ask for it when he wants. Picture of the park, picture of the garden, a ball, drink, food, a book, bed etc. All things that he might want to ask for, and when he finds that he can use it to ask for things it does help him want to communicate.
Signing is helpful because they can do it anywhere. I think the most useful sign mine had was "more". If you say the word and do the sign then they pick it up. They do sometimes make their own signs up, my daughter used a hand thrust out to mean "bus" because I'd say "Bus" as it came round the corner then stick my hand out to stop it!

Just wanted to jump on here with a quick update. My little boy has had 6 ear infections in the last 6 months so finally got his hearing checked and then ENT consultant on Friday. His hearing test came back that he does have hearing loss which is what I've been concerned about for the last 15 months since first raised but all the ear infections can't have helped.
Waiting on the consultant Friday to see what the plan is to help him.
He is slowly saying new words that I can understand which is fab but he has a long way to go to be where he needs to be for his age.

Thank you again for everyones comments. I'm waiting in ftf SALT appointment in the coming weeks for him too so that's good.