Peeling sunburn - can’t get over the guilt

[cat0281]

We went on a beach holiday last week with my 6 year old and two year old. We never usually do beach holidays. I wasn’t careful enough with my six year old who was playing in the water and he got sunburnt which has started peeling. He isn’t in any pain.

I have always been so careful in the sun and cannot believe I have let this happen. I can’t shake the guilt. I wake up in the morning with a feeling of impending doom, almost like I have been told he has got skin cancer. I have to remind myself he doesn’t have cancer yet, just sunburnt, and he might be ok. I’m spiralling. I saw a doctor and have started taking anxiety medication but it won’t kick in for a while. I just don’t know what to do or how I will live with myself. I don’t want to let my son outside in the sun ever again but I know that’s not fair.

I guess I am looking for someone to tell me that one incidence of sunburn isn’t that bad (though I don’t for a minute think I haven’t been extremely stupid and irresponsible) and that my boy might be ok 🥲

It’s fine, I never had sun cream as a kid and the summer holidays were six weeks of sun back then.
Moisturise his peeling skin to help it come off, and resolve to use cream/hat/T-shirt in the future. It’s a learning curve, and you won’t let it happen again.

Nearly everyone got regularly sunburnt in the 70s/80s and to some extent 90s. I certainly didn’t wear enough sun cream as a child and am fair skinned. Your boy has a very small chance of long term harm from one sunburn.

The 8 hour / all day sun creams are pretty good (though will still wash off in water).

I wish my parents had only let me get sun burn once instead of repeatedly
I'm just a ticking skin cancer time bomb now
I really don't think once will make him any more of a risk

I accidentally let my child get sunburnt when she was about 2. I learned my lesson. She's 15 now and I'm still vigilant . You learn from your mistakes as a parent.

Thank you @KangarooKenny and @Haus1234 for taking the time to reply, I know what you’re saying makes sense. It’s just so hard to stop catastophising.

When I was about 6 my great grandad put on me what he thought was suncream- it was brylcreem! Burnt to hell but I was fine and no lasting effects 😂 safe to say he was never left in charge of suncream again though!

Op you won't be the first or the last, don't worry just learn that he can get quite burnt so he does need sun cream. I remember having peeling skin as a child and that was from being in the garden in the uk all day 🤣 my mum clearly cared about sun cream 🤣 don't worry op xx

I'm sure he'll be fine. Parents didn't used to be as vigilant with sun cream as they are today. I definitely got burnt a few times as a child as did my brothers. We all have very pale skin so difficult not to. No cancer for any of us so far and as an adult I'm really careful with my on sun cream. We are all human, not one parent in the world has never made a mistake. You made a mistake, you are not a terrible person...just a human. Be kind to yourself and use this experience to inform what you will do differently the next time you take your kids to the beach. Life if for living and learning not worrying and avoiding. Sending hugs xx

@BorisJohnsonsvomitbucket I wish I could just take it as a lesson learnt rather than have it take over my whole life and every waking thought. How bad was your child’s sunburn? Did it peel?

Oh OP, I am sorry that you are feeling so anxious at the moment. If it helps, as others PPs have pointed out practically everyone was sunburnt for the entire 70s, 80s and most of the 90s and we haven't all got skin cancer.
We went on a family holiday to an EXTREMELY hot destination when I was 12, my Mum gave me some kind of cocoa butter cream to use instead of sun cream (?! I despair) and I had massive blisters all over my chest and back. Not a pleasant experience, but I am 40 now and no signs of skin cancer.
I am more concerned about your anxiety than your child's sunburn OP. I hope you're okay

@fedup078 thanks for responding, I know how you feel, my mum was the same which makes me feel even worse about what happened.

@Cuddlemuffin thank you xx

@cat0281 which makes you super careful and it's likely to never happen again and this was just a mistake. My ds will get sunburn at some point no matter how careful I try to be I'm sure

@Milliesmummy92 oh no! I bet your parents weren’t best pleased! Thanks for replying xx

@sarahc336 thank you xx

@fandabbiedebbie thank you. Xx I know you are right. When the dark anxiety cloud starts taking over it’s just really hard to pull back.

I can see that this will feel dreadful to you, in the here and now with greater awareness. However, as a child in the 90s I lived in west Cornwall, was rarely given sunscreen and if I was it was probably factor 8. Peeling skin was a regular occurrence, in fact I loved peeling it. As a teen I spent quite a bit of time ‘working on my tan’ which is quite astounding for someone so pale and pasty (this did actually involve using sunscreen thank goodness).

I am a ticking time bomb for skin cancer and am super vigilant about it now I’m in my late 30s. I rarely spend time in the sun these days. When I have seen a dermatologist (I’ve had a couple of things prodded, poked, and tested) they have been quite reassuring and just encouraged me to be careful now. Whilst we know that sunburn raises the risk of skin cancer, it’s not causative in the way that you’re looking at it right now - getting sunburnt once (or a million times) does not guarantee cancer. In fact, a one off is unlikely to make a huge difference overall.

So, it’s done now, be more careful in future. For beach days on my own children I use a combination of sun cream and rash vests that have built in sun protection. Decathlon do good ones in bright colours that make them super visible.

@CaptainBeakyandhisband thank you - I’m trying really hard to get some perspective. Hopefully I’ll be able to move on in time, maybe when the peeling stops. Every time I look at it I want to cry.

I'm sorry this has hit you so hard OP. It's great you've already reached out for help.

I've been burned many times as a child and had peeling skin many times and no adverse affects.

As others have said, put moisturiser on it and get child to cover up for a bit (the weather has taken a turn now so should be easier).

My gran used to let my mom burn on purpose as she thought it would help her go more brown. She was Italian and very olive skinned, and my mom is very fair (like me, the olive skin only seems to run through the boys!)

Obviously that is hugely irresponsible, we know now, but so far (late 60s) my mom is absolutely fine. Freckly. But fine.

I also burnt quite a lot as a teen, i was always told to wear sunscreen, but hey teenagers know best! No problems so far.
I'm sure one instance will be okay. Hopefully it will just serve as a reminder to you and him to be careful, but it's not world ending.
I think youd struggle to find someone who has never had the slightest touch of sunburn in their lives. If he's not in pain, it really isn't that bad. The peeling is normal. Coat him in some after sun and just be sensible in future.

My mum used to give me some kind of Hawaiian Tropic oil and encourage me to “get some colour” , then after sun to get rid of the redness and help me turn brown… 😬 I’m okay though and my skin survived.

OP, I find putting sun cream on repeatedly is such a faff, especially if they don’t like it and don’t want to stand still.

To combat this, I put mine in UV rash vests. They are always on sale cheaply in mountain warehouse and you can get long sleeved ones too. I always use those and, if it in water all day, a UV hat that can be worn in the water too, they give some flaps on to give extra protection for their ears and necks. Then P50 factor 50 (and you’ve covered their top half already so it’s quicker 😁) which only needs to be once a day.

After my first one getting a bit burnt as a toddler, I’ve used this approach on all DC, including one with very fair skin. They have never had sunburn again, even with long days in the pool in very hot countries. And I can relax after going through all the palaver (3 DC to do, so it feels like a conveyer belt) once in the morning then I can relax about that for the day, rather than having to keep reapplying.

We’ve bought him a UV sun suit though to be honest I think I will be avoiding the sun from now. I don’t even really like the sun, we only went on the holiday so the boys could splash in the water 🥲

While obviously ideally no-one would ever get sunburnt, the reality is that absolutely everyone does from time to time. And yes, that can mean peeling skin afterwards. But fortunately this happening occasionally does not means your DC will get skin cancer. Also if your DC is in no pain, he can't have been badly burnt.

I'm Australian and no-one in my parents' generation (now in their 70s) wore sun cream back in the 1950s and 1960s when they were kids. My parents/aunts/uncles/their friends frequently got badly burnt as children. Now 60 years later they all have regular skin checks and many of them have had various suspicious moles, etc, removed. But in spite of getting burnt many, many more times than you are talking about, no-one I know or they know has had terminal skin cancer - that's actually really rare.

In effect, what you are doing is the same as lying awake worrying that your DC will get lung cancer because he walked past someone smoking in the street.

I get you feel guilty, but cut yourself some slack. These things happen. It won't do him any long-term harm. And don't let it ruin your holiday or the happy memories of it.

Thanks all for your kind messages and tips. I feel so stupid not to have thought about all this before. I’m hoping the anxiety medication I am taking will help and I’m also going to try CBT as I can’t go on like this

I’d feel the same. I once drove for two hours on the motorway and when I got to my destination realised that the kid’s car seat wasn’t fixed in to the car. Thankfully we didn’t have a crash. But I felt awful for ages. All you ever want to do is keep the kids safe and when it goes wrong it’s a horrible feeling.

However, give yourself a break. What would you tell a friend if they’d done the same thing?