Peeling sunburn - can’t get over the guilt

[cat0281]

We went on a beach holiday last week with my 6 year old and two year old. We never usually do beach holidays. I wasn’t careful enough with my six year old who was playing in the water and he got sunburnt which has started peeling. He isn’t in any pain.

I have always been so careful in the sun and cannot believe I have let this happen. I can’t shake the guilt. I wake up in the morning with a feeling of impending doom, almost like I have been told he has got skin cancer. I have to remind myself he doesn’t have cancer yet, just sunburnt, and he might be ok. I’m spiralling. I saw a doctor and have started taking anxiety medication but it won’t kick in for a while. I just don’t know what to do or how I will live with myself. I don’t want to let my son outside in the sun ever again but I know that’s not fair.

I guess I am looking for someone to tell me that one incidence of sunburn isn’t that bad (though I don’t for a minute think I haven’t been extremely stupid and irresponsible) and that my boy might be ok 🥲

Btw, I’m saying I’d feel the same I’m not saying you should feel like that! It’s not healthy to get so hung up on one mistake that won’t have any long term consequences. Think of all the people who got sunburnt as kids. Sun cream wasn’t even a thing when I was small. Just like others have said.

My DC have spent a long time in the sun as we lived on the equator for a while. My advice would be to buy your DC a long sleeve rash vest, or suit. It looks like a scuba suit, but it is thinner, like a swim costume. They are UVA/B protected to about 30 or 50. Then buy them a cap, with a flap at the back like a French legionnaires hat, made from similar material. Then you only have to worry about hands, feet and face. Always factor 50 on kids IMO.

@PlantingTrees thank you, I know what you’re saying and I need to get some perspective. Sometimes I think I’m just not cut out for this, the responsibility and fear or anything ever happening to them is just too much sometimes. So much respect for all the mums on here who get through much worse without falling apart.

@OverEggedPudding thanks yes if they go anywhere near the sun that’s what I will be doing. I always use factor 50 on them and did on the day he got burnt but I totally underestimated the difference the water makes as we don’t usually swim. ☹️

It’s really hard. One of the things that makes me want to get over it all is to not want to pass it on to my kids. I want them to be carefree and not beat themselves up when they make a mistake in life.

OP I did exactly the same when ds was young. He was in the water all day and got burnt despite the sun cream but he’s ok.
easier said than done but try not to get fixated on this.
Its over and there won’t be any lasting effects from just one time. He will be fine.

@RoofFlower thank you so much, this makes me feel less alone xx

My dd is currently peeling after our holiday. It’s never happened before. I used lots of sunblock and we reapplied frequently. It happens. My mum is a dermatologist and was super vigilant with me as a kid but one year I got terrible sunburn that blistered horribly not just peeled. I screamed every night of the holiday afterwards because my t shirt would be stuck to the sores.

@Whoatealltheminieggs I’m so sorry this happened to you as well. You sound like you are managing it much better than me though. Has your mum been able to reassure about it?

@RoofFlower sorry I just realised my reply to you sounds really selfish. I’m sorry this happened to you as well. Xx

My mum was always so strict with suncream every 30mins to one hour and reapplied after swimming etc but I still managed to get burnt whatever she tried and I don't blame her. I think its just my skin type which feels like it's immune to suncream. I've been to the doctors a few times over my skin and luckily it's never been skin cancer. My dad on the other hand took us to Turkey as kids in 30 degree plus heat and didn't make us wear suncream. I burnt so badly my skin was nearly purple and I couldn't leave the hotel room I was in so much pain. He didn't feel bad at all! Dont worry, if your that worried make a doctors appointment but she'll be ok x

As others have said pretty much everyone who grew up in the 70/80/90s will have been burned multiple times. I certainly was. We used suncream abroad but it was often only spf 6 or something so it didn't do much. We all peeled. I'm in my mid-40s with no signs of skin cancer yet.

This is an anxiety thing as you know and would manifest itself whether your son got sunburn/ fell down the stairs/ ran in the road etc etc

It's one case of peeling skin. I cannot tell you how common this was in the 80s where on holiday, your mum would put your cream on you in the morning and that was that!

So it's not about the skin cancer risk - it's about your spiralling anxiety that's chosen this to manifest itself with

You're doing the right things by seeing the dr etc but maybe make another appointment for more help if this doesn't stop

@HardRockOwl yes you are totally right. I think if it was me that got burnt I would be worried but could rationalise the skin cancer risk. Because it’s my son, the worry is compounded by guilt so it’s consuming me.

Yes it's anxiety you're suffering from so I'd get this moved from childrens health to mental health maybe? You may get a better array of responses

The 'sane' side of your brain knows your son is fine so it's doing all you can now to recover from this horrible period of anxiety

Please don’t upset yourself. It happens to almost every parent. One sunburn will not mean he will get cancer.

i remember going to UAE and burning so badly my skin (face and scalp) peeled off for weeks in my hair brushes.

My parents were more careful after that but 25 years later and I am very very careful in the sun. No skin cancer yet

I mean this kindly but you need to relax about this. We spent two holidays a year in Greece when I was a kid in the 90s and I often used to go a bit pink (despite having quite olive skin). My parents used to coat me in sun cream. She also put germaloids on my pink shoulders once after thinking she's picked up the germolene; it's a funny family story now. I'm now mid 30's. Absolutely healthy and no damage done!

Thank you I really appreciate all the responses. It’s the peeling that I am finding so hard, it doesn’t hurt him but it’s such an obvious sign of how much damage has been done. Due to my negligence his skin is dying and peeling off. I just can’t forgive myself. I’m broken.

I’m sorry, I’m sat here in tears and have no idea what is right, normal, I can’t trust my own judgment. I know this sounds pathetic, I just don’t know what to do.

He’s only six years old and I’ve let him down. I just thank god that his brother didn’t get burnt, I think that would have tipped me over the edge. 🥲

I felt similar when my red headed DS got quite badly burned. He wasn't bothered at all! However, he has chronic vitamin D deficiency (life long) and his paediatrician actually said we had to let him have time without suncream even if he got a but pink as vitamin D is so important so I hope that helps reassure a bit. Anxiety is brutal though and I hope you soon feel better.

@Tiredpigeon thanks for your message. xx That must be very hard, trying to find the right balance of sun exposure. How long did it take you to get over the sunburn episode?

It’s an important point re: vitamin D - and it’s one of the reasons I don’t put sunscreen on my children for going to school or for a bit of a runaround in the garden. I tend to save it for beach days and days on the water, or days when we are in full sun. They have olive skin so they don’t burn easily, but some sun exposure is good for them.

@cat0281 maybe step away from the internet today and speak to a health care professional tomorrow?

People can tell you until they're blue in the face but you won't take it in because you're too anxious.

And talk of his skin dying and you being broken is an absolute sign that you are mentally rather unwell.

His skin isn't dying. It's peeling.

But reassurances are making you worse