I can't do this anymore

[Peanut1989]

I came to bed at 10pm and this is the third wake up of the night already. DS is 17 weeks old and is so much worse now than when we was a newborn. I thought we were doing badly when he was going three hours but he's managed to prove me completely wrong and I'm not at the stage of not being able to see properly and I am constantly cold and shaking because I am so tired. I've gone numb to my life too and regularly burst into tears. I need to get away but I can't even have a break, during the day the only time he doesn't scream is when he is on me. I can't keep doing this.

Sending you a handhold. You can do this. 4 month sleep regression is awful but you will get through it

Do you have anyone to help you Peanut? I had a clingy one who didn’t sleep so I know how exhausting it can be.

In retrospect I would have kept him in bed with me. And possibly put him on formula. I breastfed for over a year and, looking back, I’m not sure if it did me much good.

Hi OP. I know how you're feeling. My DS didn't get better at sleeping until I did CC at 7 months. God knows how I got to 7 months.
Is anyone helping you? Husband, family? If DH you need to take it in turns to get some sleep at night and someone could take baby out in the day for you so you can nap.
I'm so sorry you feel like this, sending hugs.

Unfortunately I don't have many people to go to for help. Mothers on both sides managed to mess up, mine does nothing but shout at him when he is tired because he screams and refused to put him to bed so he gets worse and worse and DP's mother, well it's a long story but she and dad are functioning alcoholics. I only have two friends near me and one had her baby a week before me and the other two weeks after. The one a week before is so clingy during the day she cannot be put down (but sleeps through the night) and the other was 12 weeks premature so neither can take him to give me a break. My other friends are all over an hour and a half away and we don't have any family we can go to either. DP is not so darling either, he does the absolute bare minimum and although he doesn't say it outright he blames me for him not sleeping so I feel exhausted, down trodden and miserable 24/7. He seemed to go down hill with his sleep about 6 weeks ago so I'm not convinced it is regression.

You need help. Is there anyone who can push the baby round the block in the pram to get him to sleep in the day while you rest? I'd do it for a friend if I knew they were struggling, don't be afraid to ask for help.
DS was a similarly terrible sleeper, I learned to feed lying down and cosleep otherwise I don't know how I'd have survived.
Might be worth a trip to the GP (for both of you) to see if there's an underlying cause of the crying (reflux maybe?) and get some support for yourself.

Sorry, cross-posted.
You could contact your health visitor and explain the situation, ask if there's any home help in your area - home start I think it's called?

Tillthetiger. There's no one I can ask, the only person I can is my auntie but she is well into her 70's and still works 4 days a week and has a very active social life. He has a few things going on which don't help, reflux-was so bad at one point I kept a diary and he was throwing up over 20 times a night, been given gaviscon and omeprazole. He's teething and doesn't like any teething toy other than my fingers. On Thursday had his 16 week vaccinations and on Sunday came up in hives so now has antihistamines so an unknown allergy.

Book yourself a hotel for the night and your DP can sort out his sleeping for you then 🙂

No advice I'm afraid as I'm in the same boat. Reflux baby who doesn't nap or sleep the way other babies do.
On rare occasions I've been able to co-sleep with him during the day and it's been amazing to get that extra hour. That's al I can suggest - clear the bed, cuddle up in a C shape with LO and hope.
I "survive" on about 3.5-5hr sleep a night in chunks no longer than 1.5hr (and often only 30min) - and yes, I cry! It helps to get the feelings out.

You have my sympathy. I have 2 and neither are sleeping tonight but the baby never sleeps longer than 2 hours unless I'm holding her. I went to bed at 8.30 tonight, just to try and squeeze in sleep where I can

You have my sympathy too. I have a 2 year old who is worse now than she was as a newborn. I haven't actually been to sleep tonight yet as she has cried out kicked every 15 minutes since she went down

You poor thing. Do try co sleeping, I had plenty of good night's sleep co sleeping as well as daytime naps for a while when I was at home.

Very sorry to read about the grandparents, it's such a shame. I can't imagine what good your mother thinks she is doing by shouting at a little baby for crying.

I did cosleep for the first few months but over christmas got him into a beside the bed cot because he wriggled around so much I was paranoid he was going to suffocate himself on me/pillows/duvet. HV has proven to be as useful as a chocolate fire guard and won't even take calls. My mother isn't maternal in the slightest and told me when I was much younger she never wanted children, when I was pregnant we went for a private scan at 14 weeks and she actually shouted at the sonographer when she said we were having a boy

Can you look for a rocker or something like that secondhand? And put some white noise on and make it fairly dark in the room? My baby often falls asleep in the automatic rocker if I put a dummy in. My little one is not too bad with sleeping but a few times when we’ve been up till past three with no sleep at all I’ve put him in his bassinet and he cried himself off to sleep. I know it’s not good to do that when they’re so young but if it’s actually affecting your health and your ability to look after him the next day then it might be the best option. At least they’re safe there.

Imtootired rockers, bouncers, pram, car. I've tried the lot. It's like DS has drunk 10 red bulls constantly. We have tried white noise too from phones, Ewan the Sheep and MyHummy none do anything it's like he sees it as a challenge to be louder than them all and my ears are constantly ringing because of the battle.
Tonight has taken a bad turn though, DS threw up all over himself and I couldn't even being myself to get up to change him because I was crying so DP got up and as he was getting back to bed forgot to shut the drawer in the bed and fell over hurting himself and it's my fault because I wouldn't get up so now I'm sat downstairs in the living room in the dark freezing and crying.
I always wanted a baby but it's starting to feel like this was the worst decision of my life. I want to say I love my baby but I'm too numb to even feel that anymore. He is the most beautiful thing and I would do anything I can for him but he is ruining my life and my relationship.

Not your fault he left the drawer open at all so don't beat yourself up about that.

I think in all of this it is your DP who needs to step up bit more. You need to tell him how you are feeling and that you really need his help.

Firstly your DP should be helping more, and blaming you for tripping over because you didn't get up for once is disgusting. I would maybe recommend going back to the GP, have they considered CMPA etc? Sorry you don't have much support, it's so hard isn't it, it doesn't last forever but I know that it's much help right now

Have allergies been rules out?

My first was like this and ended up diagnosed with multiple allergies. It was the hardest two years of my life and it was v hard to find help.

DP just keeps saying we need help and wants to send DS to stay with someone else over night but I'm not ready for that yet, he's only just turned 4 months and I wouldn't trust my mum and his parents drink A LOT so he can't exactly go there either.
It is a recurring argument in our house that DP isn't helping much, he works full time but I do everything. All the cooking, cleaning, baby classes and then looking after DS. I haven't even been able to have a quiet bath yet as when I go for one DP decides he needs to sit on the loo and drags DS in in the moses basket or bouncer.
My DR's haven't said anything, they said it is an allergy but they won't test for anything because babies get allergies that come and go so by the time they find out what it is it could have gone on its own so there is no point wasting the time.
CMPA has been mentioned by a friend as her DS has it and it would make sense as DP is dairy intolerant, I'm at the paediatrician on Tuesday so I'm going to push for more help/tests then because life is becoming unbearable at the moment and I can't carry on like this.

Has he been checked for milk allergy?? My little girl was exactly like this being sick constantly and screaming. I told the health visitor one day that she will have to come and take her because there is no way that I could carry on.. that day she changed her milk and she slept for the first time for hours without screaming x

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Hoping this link works I'm not Tec savvy! But my friend says this saved her from a breakdown!

Oh OP, sleep deprivation is the worst. Both mine were terrible sleepers, one night I made a tally of how many times my daughter woke up (she was 14 months) and it was 17. I lived in a foggy haze for a few years.
There will be no magic answer to get your baby sleeping, he is still very little and by the sounds of it, has other things going on like reflux. All you can do is lower all expectations of your day and go into survival mode. If that means you don't get dressed til midday (or later) you have a few ready meals in the week instead of cooking and forget the housework. Just concentrate on you and the baby, this won't be forever but just until life seems a bit easier again.

@Peanut1989 feel the exact same as you just now, my little boy is only 7 weeks old and is the exact same just now. It's silent reflux and he cries most of the day. Yesterday he cried on and off for 3 hours. It got so bad that I ended up just sitting in tears with no idea what to do. DP came home from work opened some windows and cuddled him and he settled. Couldn't believe it. I've also got a 2 year old so she's missing out on spending time with me. I'm not at the point that I dread starting everyday because I know it's gonna end with the whole house in tears. I know things will get better but can't see it being anytime soon. Sending you loads of hugs and hope that things get better for you

they said it is an allergy but they won't test for anything because babies get allergies that come and go so by the time they find out what it is it could have gone

This is type of unhelpful thing I was talking about.

There are two different types of allergies- IgE mediated allergies which is the hives, swelling, difficulty in breathing type which will show up on a skin test. Then there are the non IgE mediated allergies which are mostly gastro symptoms - reflux, stomach pain, wind, diarrhoea and vomiting. To diagnose these, it's a process of elimination so cutting them out the diet. Often children grow out of these but not always. My DS still cant have any of his allergens and he's 8.

It's pretty miserable having an allergy. Allergies are the fastest growing chronic health condition in children yet lots of GP's/HV's know very little about them.

How are you feeding?