Tooth decay in my 5 and 7 year old

[Lucky2badad]

Hi everyone,
So this is my first post ever!
I desperately need some advice as I'm at a loss on what to do next.
My 5 year old recently had 8 teeth pulled out owing to tooth decay. My 7 year old now also has tooth decay on one of his back teeth, I took him in on Thursday just gone to have it sorted.
Unfortunately my 5 year old is now showing signs of further tooth decay in one of his 6 remaining teeth. This will more than likely leave him without the ability to chew his food.
They live with their mum who seems very reluctant to take immediate action when these problems have arisen. I know their grandma still gives them cans of coke, pick and mix and biscuits. She sees them at least twice a week.
From the very start of all of this I have had to take time off work on multiple occasions to take either one of them to the dentist and I live and work 2 hours from them, whilst their mum lives 5 minutes from the dentist.
So, owing to the most recent issue I now find myself questioning what to do next.
Please has anyone any advice or even been in this situation themselves?
Thank you so much.

How did they know that Coke was 'naughty'?
Had you asked them to grass on Grandma if she wasn't living according to your rules?

I am very glad you didn't make a scene.
Part of splitting up involves realising and respecting that the other parent will do it their way.

I know they aren't fed the best foods at home and have no idea of the brushing routine there and not sure i'd trust the answer anyway.
Differentname, even the OP wouldn't trust what the children report about brushing, and that is presumably something habitual and not a full and fair account of two weeks worth of varied breakfasts, lunches, dinners, plus snacks, and maybe meals eaten at the homes of friends if they went for tea.
As a matter of interest, what did you have for dinner on March 27th? Did you have a snack or two? Dessert?

There were several references throughout the thread to the ex partner knowing that the OP had asked for written opinions from the dentists and not one mention of the list of two weeks worth of diet details allegedly supplied by the mother.

You are not going about this in a peaceful way when you have stockpiled those three letters and have threatened removal of the children from the home of the mother.

If you have concerns that you feel are valid then you should notify social services.

Just wondering how your younger child's health is in general as very weak enamel can be a sign of coeliac disease. Dentists aren't always aware of it.

Ok math. I should've listened to the others, really not sure what your problem is so I won't be replying to anything else you have to say, sorry. It doesn't seem to me you're adding anything constructive, just poking away at me. I think what ever it is you harbour you should really make peace with it.

Apileofballyhoo, he get colds a fair bit but I'd expect that at his age to be honest. He doesn't display any symptoms of coeliac disease anyway.

Sometimes coeliac disease doesn't display classic symptoms - but it might be a long shot all right. I wonder are there any other underlying conditions that may contribute to tooth decay. I understand about your children's diet etc but your older child presumably has the same diet (unless he is more responsible in general about refusing sweets and sugary drinks/you lived with him when he was a toddler so his diet was better at a crucial age) and his teeth are not as bad.

There's a Floradix liquid multivitamin and mineral supplement for children made from plant extracts that might help both DC's general health if you're concerned about general diet too. Ironically I give it to my son in diluted fruit juice!

I guess it would be a blood test to pick up the disease?
I think me being, not strict, but not having sugary sweets and drinks when my eldest was a toddler certainly helped. But it was only a week and a half ago I had to take my eldest to the dentist as he now has tooth decay. In the 4 years of being apart his diet has changed dramatically which has now lead to both children having tooth decay.

Zzzzz as was pointed out math seems to assume a lot. How ever you dress this up or how ever it is put across giving a 5 and 7 year old coke and sweets on a regular basis is not good and will inevitably lead to decay. Even as an adult that kind of diet isn't good. There is currently a huge problem surround children's teeth. I am fully aware that almost every food contains sugar these days, but equally there is more knowledge and awareness of this than there ever has been. Us as parents should be reasonable enough to take heed of this and act to ensure our children have the best future possible.
The list that math also compiled of other signs of neglect are also there.

Responsible*

Ok zzzzz, thank you.

I don't find anything wrong in the way op is coming across, to be honest.

Theres nothing wrong with it. I suspect those complaining would have less issue if OP was a woman and her children's father was the residential parent.

I don’t see anything wrong with the way the OP is coming across either. There are some posters with strange agendas on this thread.

I expect it's common for younger sibs to have a worse diet as they are given some of what the eldest had. So it's harder to keep them away from OJ, squash, biscuits, crisps, chocolate.
Also even things like feeding milk overnight can cause decay (even BF) as it's after the night brushing and it sits on the teeth.
It may not just be what they are eating (coke etc) but what they maybe dont like, maybe cheese, milk etc.
When they start school they get loads of parties which are sugar laden plus puddings at school and sweets at birthdays and then cake sales. All adding to what they are treated with at home/by GP.

If the list of neglect issues is present, then go to social services with your allegation. Ask them to investigate. Accept their findings.

But this is incorrect:
how ever it is put across giving a 5 and 7 year old coke and sweets on a regular basis is not good and will inevitably lead to decay
There is nothing inevitable about it. It depends on the teeth. A lot of it is down to genes. Children with the same diet in any given community can have very different dental outcomes. Children's dental outcomes can vary from LA to LA. It can even happen within families. This has been pointed out upthread with examples from posters' families.

I agree with Naty's point about younger children's diet and what older school-going children find, out in the wider world. School food is notorious for hidden salt and sugar.

OP, you are very prone to making categorical statements that will be picked apart by anyone your ex partner has representing her if you choose to take her to court. You will make a fool of yourself if you approach a court with your very see-through agenda here, if all you have to go on is the state of their teeth.

Go through the proper channels here (SS) if you think there are valid concerns about the overall welfare of your children. Take it from there. If they say all is fine then you will really have to accept that and butt out of your ex partner's business.

Preferably, and if your concerns realistically fall short of anything SS would be interested in (be honest with yourself about this) I recommend you suggest family mediation to your ex-partner.

There are professional services available that are a far better choice of approach than you scheduling one-to-one meetings and trying to lay down the law to another adult and a third party, the granny.
www.nfm.org.uk/mediation-services/parents
500 locations across England and Wales.
This particular page shows the area you and exP may benefit from - post divorce/separation, co-parenting.

Do not make arrangements for mediation without first consulting your exP and asking her if she would be willing to take part in order to iron out issues that have arisen, and assuring her that you are not holding over her the threat of taking the children from her via court action.

That threat needs to be shelved. It is considered to be an extreme form of coercion for one parent to hold this over the other. Attempts to coerce have no place in any relationship.