Circumcision

[beebee82]

I don't know what to do.

I have 2 sons with my husband, the youngest is 12 weeks old. He has two older sons from his previous relationship- both of those boys are circumcised, neither of mine are.

It's causing massive problems in our relationship, when I had our first son is was also a massive issue but I refused and eventually it stopped being something we talked about even though it's always been an underlying issue that has cropped up. He asked me if we could circumcise our new baby- I again refused and now it's just again a massive argument.

He wants it done for cultural not religious reasons- I don't see the point and also feel that it is not our decision to make , given it's not my penis or his, it's our sons!

The issue is so stressful that I think I'm better off leaving the relationship- husband said that not being circumcised might affect his relationship with them. I don't get it and I feel devastated.

Any advice gladly received 😞

I am sorry but I have no advice just wanted to say I agree with you.
Unless tgere is a medical reason genital mutilation is a massive no.
I would not be with a man that thought nothing if chopping bits off our child.

I'm not circumcised. I am of an age where it was still fashionable when I was born but I am permanently grateful that my doctor father absolutely refused to allow it for me or my brothers. I have always felt that it is a clear mutilation of a child and, without being too indelicate, the foreskin has its uses.

You say that DH wants it for 'cultural reasons' rather than religious ones. I take it from that that he has a heritage in one of the religions that routinely practise circumcision but doesn't actually believe in that religion? If so, why does he choose to observe this aspect of the religion but not others? (Even for the religions, I have never understood the argument that the god in question gives us bits which then need to be chopped off.)

So I would say stick to your guns. If your sons want it when they are adults, then that is their choice. I don't think that he should make that choice for them. You may get the argument from some that parents have to make all sorts of decisions for their children - indeed we do have to choose their schools, religion and so on, but this isn't one of them.

No, no, no. Stick to your guns. There is no need for your tiny baby to have a knife taken to him. Why on earth should his 'cultural' reasons trump yours?

Stick to your guns. " them not being circumcised will after his relationship with them" WTAF?

If you aren't in the UK you might want to look at the legal side of things so that your husband can't just arrange for it anyway...

I don't know what to do, I will never agree for either of my children to be circumcised, I love my husband but I feel that this is so unreasonable and I could say abusive. I'm heartbroken he is so desperate to circumcise my boys- in particular our new baby, if I leave him how will I explain it to my boys? He might just get it done without me knowing I'm so stressed

If your husband's love for his sons is conditional on them being circumcised, then he has some fucked up priorities.

We are in uk

I agree with you, it's not his body to permanently mutilate.

As for "not being circumcised affecting their relationship". Tell him that his relationship should be based on the love for them as individuals, not on whether or not they have a foreskin!

I'm his is why I'm so confused im heartbroken- I just don't know what to do, I just feel like packing our stuff up and leaving 😞

What do I do?

Tbh he sounds controlling and not looking out for his children's best interests.

If he persists and is displayed about this I would leave and seek legal assistance on blocking the circumcision if you can do such a thing.

Stick you your guns and don't back down.

I don't believe it should be done ever unless there is a medical reason where it may be necessary.

Don't do it, men have a foreskin for a reason.

Thanks for your support, I just don't know how to deal with the situation now, i feel so isolated, my mum died recently, and my family don't live nearby and tbh I guess we're not that close- all my friends are mummy friends I've met since moving to this city when I met my husband and not my close friends who don't live nearby either- I feel like my husband is the only person I have but he's one pulling the rug from under my feet

Keep saying no, hopefully he'll give up like he did with your eldest.

Worth mentioning to your HV too I would think. And tell your dh you've told her.

When it was an issue with our toddler I told my health visitor- she seemed uncomfortable with the whole circumcision bit but I as very clear to me that it wasn't an issue and routinely carried out if parents want it done. I guess it's a cultural/religious minefield so she has to stay neutral

I meant to health visitor made it clear to me that it was routine and that it common for parents to get it done **

But I think it's terrible I don't want my baby strapped to a bed and circumcised 😞 How can my husband want this?

If my husband told me that his relationship with his children could be affected by his not being allowed to have bits cut off them for no reason I would be telling him to fuck right off

How have you two not talked about this and come to an agreement one way or another before you got married & had a baby? Surely you noticed that he was circumcised. Did it not occur to you that he would want his sons to be, as well?

Our first child was unplanned- when we had previously spoken about it he didn't seem so rigid in his thinking so I felt it wouldn't be the massive issue it has actually become

I do really feel for you because I'd hate to be in your position. When my DS was born it wasn't even a question on whether to get him circumcised or not, his DF is intact too so was never an issue for me.

I read a debate on fb a few years about it and it was going on and on for ages with people disagreeing with each other.

I don't see how leaving your boys intact will affect your DH relationship with them and I think that comment he made saying that is a bit childish. I think he's saying things like that to make you change your mind. As mothers we know what's best for our babies, stick to your guns like I said and it will blow over

What are these cultural reasons? It seems odd. I can see how it would be important to him (it would be a dealbreaker in my family) , but I'm surprised that if he didn't insist on it for DS1 he is now making a fuss for DS2. Or is he proposing to do them both at the same time....

It's easy for us to say, just say no, but please stick to your decision. One of my DSs had to be circumcised for medical reasons and although there were no other options, I still feel terrible about it.

And be prepared for other posters to say very, very upsetting things about religious and cultural circumcisions, I know I don't usually look at these threads as I find the, very upsetting.

There's something very strange about a man who feels his relationship with his children will be affected by their genitals.