Circumcision

[beebee82]

I don't know what to do.

I have 2 sons with my husband, the youngest is 12 weeks old. He has two older sons from his previous relationship- both of those boys are circumcised, neither of mine are.

It's causing massive problems in our relationship, when I had our first son is was also a massive issue but I refused and eventually it stopped being something we talked about even though it's always been an underlying issue that has cropped up. He asked me if we could circumcise our new baby- I again refused and now it's just again a massive argument.

He wants it done for cultural not religious reasons- I don't see the point and also feel that it is not our decision to make , given it's not my penis or his, it's our sons!

The issue is so stressful that I think I'm better off leaving the relationship- husband said that not being circumcised might affect his relationship with them. I don't get it and I feel devastated.

Any advice gladly received 😞

I can tell you won't back down and you shouldn't. Good for you. Why not write a letter (one letter for each boy) to their GP stating that you refuse consent to circumcision unless medically required and that this letter should be placed into your children's medical records. Then try not to worry about that side of it.

Don't stress. It is he who has to persuade you. Don't bring it up unless he does.

To be a tiny bit fair to him, it is destabilising to suddenly see your own pasr through different eyes. Give it some time.

I think it depends where you live TBH. I have heard that some American teenage boys are bothered by not being circumcised because it makes them different, and of course their friends who are circumcised aren't bothered and don't remember it happening so they don't see it as a big deal. My American friend says that although circumcision rates are about 50/50 it's hugely split by race and area so your child is likely to be the odd one out if you go against the grain of your peers.

But certainly boys growing up anywhere in Europe where it's rare are unlikely to be bothered by not having it done, as nobody has it done here.

I don't know how common it is in NZ to be able to judge.

I didn't realise the NHS wouldn't do it...what about religious reasons,needing it done for a religion..so if a child has to have it done because their parents are bringing the child up in a particular religon,how will they get it done? If the NHS won't do it?... at least the NHS would ensure the baby was pain free when it was done...am I wrong that a religious person does it without pain relief?? I hope I'm wrong..I'm thinking that if the NHS won't do them,they are forcing babies to have it done in a none medical environment...but pls someone tell me I'm wrong coz that's such an upsetting thought

Eezer- they have to pay ... rightly so

Private medicine that is

You are absolutely right not to give in, The default position should be NOT to mutilate a child, especially your own.

The trouble is, if you were both in agreement to go ahead with it, no one would think about stepping in and stopping you.

I find that utterly chilling.

Eezer, it's barely ever done with pain relief in any context, even in hospitals when it's routine.

They only give pain relief when the boy/man is older and can tell them about it.

The reason for this is that pain relief is "risky". FFS.

Um it is done with pain relief but not a general anaesthetic no.

I know a couple who had their ds circumcised for aesthetic reasons. It wasn't part of their culture or anything, they literally said that foreskin looks ugly. I thought that was an awful thing to say and I felt sad for him going through that pain for no reason. I hadn't given the subject any thought prior to that, but now I'm firmly in the "it's wrong" camp.

I don't include circumcision carried out for medical reasons in this btw. That's a totally separate thing as far as I'm concerned.

Yes, infant calpol, but more regularly, sugar water.

Would you have surgery with just paracetamol? No I don't think so.

I made the mistake of looking it up on youtube cos I didn't believe they do it without anaesthetic. It was horrific.

Eezer, it's barely ever done with pain relief in any context, even in hospitals when it's routine

Of course it's done with anesthetic,not always a general though as it's not always necessary.

I'm not pro circumcision, but DH is circumcised. He's white, British Catholic. It was dine when he was a baby (60's) for medical issues, and has merger caused him any problems.
Just thought you'd like to know your sons wont hate you if DH eventually gets his own way.

I certainly think most of us agree we do not want it done on our taxes (NHS) unless there is a medical need for it and are glad it is not done on request to the NHS. If people want to mutilate the genitals of their sons they should have to pay for it. In fact why not wait until boys are about 13 and old enough to make up their own minds rather than force it on them without their consent?