How to tell my friend her son has autism?

[PinkLady1989]

I'm a SENCO specialist working with children pre-school age.

My friend has 2 sons and is constantly worrying about them and there behaviour. She's moved them across the country and they've been to 3 schools already. They're 5 and 8.
I know from my training that her sons are on the autistic spectrum. She won't tell me the whole story but she's about to change there schools again because she doesn't like the way they teach her sons but I think there's more to it than that.
how do I tell her that her son's have autism? I think other proffessionals have tried to tell her gently and she's had a fit and I don't think she's told me the whole story. the younger one came home this week with a black-eye from one of the other boys and when I asked why he had been hit she didn't tell me everything and I could tell there was a bigger reason.
I'm stuck because she won't listen to me or anyone else and just keeps holding them back and not letting them get proffessional help but at the same time the next option is to tell the authorities and I obviously don't want to do that to my friend. in my place of work this would count as a type of abuse but I don't want to say that to her.
has anyone else had a similar problem or knows what to do?

thx Pinkk

Ffs. I work in autism diagnosis. This issue always crops up on mumsnet, that an ed psych or senco or whoever "isn't qualified to diagnose". Of course that is indeed strictly speaking correct. Autism is a medical diagnosis and must be made by someone with medical training (weirdly, except when some mumsnetters pay for private Ed psych or speech therapists assessment and receive an ASD diagnoses. Those diagnoses are ok apparently, even though that doesn't fit with the otherwise accepted mantra that only a medic can diagnose).

No, op, you can't say her children have autism. However you can say you see aspects of their behaviours which call to mind other youngsters who were subsequently diagnosed with autism and you wonder if she has considered whether an assessment might be a good idea? You can't push it any further than that of course.

Incidentally one of our biggest problems is when schools advise parents pursue assessment but give no hints as to what they are being assessed for. This means parent comes unprepared and unknowing and has not actually given consent for an autism assessment. Whilst a school should never say 'Your child is autistic' they really ought to tell the parent that the possibility that the child might be on the spectrum is the reason for the referral.