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Any mums with health anxiety?

114 replies

PJM18 · 09/03/2013 20:19

Hi. I haven't been to the doctor so not officially diagnosed with this but am aware that I become very anxious and over worried about health issues in my family and myself. I'm a health professional myself so find it a bit embarrassing to admit this but think it is a problem.
I find that if one of my children mention something that most people would dismiss ie 'my leg is sore' my first thought is oh my god, what if it's bone cancer or if one of them look a bit pale I get a leukaemia worry.

I'm interested how other people deal with this as I don t want it affecting my children by my constant analysing them. Has anyone had treatment for this and did it help?
Thanks

OP posts:
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LilacGarden · 05/05/2019 02:34

bumping this old thread up-- it helps to see how others cope with what I often feel.

tappitytaptap · 05/05/2019 09:44

I feel a little like this too since my DS1 had a few febrile convulsions. I think I had postnatal anxiety that went undiagnosed with DS1, but never focussed on health and it improved on its own with no medical intervention. Its only since DS1 had his 2nd and 3rd episodes that my anxiety is more around health. Rationally I know these seizures are harmless (the Drs always seem pretty relaxed!) but when I'm in the throes of feeling anxious that doesn't help. Poor DS2 has chicken pox at the moment, caught from DS1 who had a mild case and he's absolutely covered. I can't help worrying about worse case scenarios sometimes even though they are so rare! It doesn't help we had a rubbish nights sleep last night and DS2 is generally a poor sleeper anyway so I'm always operating in a state of sleep deprivation. Some things that have helped me slightly are (some recommended by GP):
Not too much caffeine (not easy when you're sleep deprived but I have decaf sometimes to try and fool myself Grin)
Forcing myself to make a list of positive things every day that have happened- I think that helps my mindset a lot to.be honest once I'm in the habit of doing it as it helps me look for positives in situations

  • Exercising - even if just going for a walk
  • Time to.myself/DH - this is hard, particularly with a 3 yr old plus BF baby that doesn't sleep well and is not keen on bottles, but even a quick bath/dance class once a week/meal or drink with friends occasionally really helps
I find it difficult there is no magic cure but if I do enough of the above I can usually keep it in check. So nice to speak to others about it (online and in RL), as I can share with my friends whats going on and quite a few have suffered with similar.
LilacGarden · 07/05/2019 23:38

I just worry every time my son is sick- not so much his whole life but especially this year to an extreme degree- he is 9. He got strep throat and a 3 or 4 week long chest cough in March. He was on antibiotics for the strep for ten days. that maybe knocked his immune system weaker I think- and I was anxious during all that.
Then he a few weeks later had a pretty high fever for 5 days- the doctor said it was a virus passing through, best as he could tell-. Fever went down after 5 days (this is about a month ago) but he stayed under the weather a bit for a couple more weeks- and for some reason the fever just triggered my anxiety. Plus he has had pinker cheeks since then- brought him to the dr last week who said he seemed just fine. Then this morning he woke up with a scratchy throat and slight cough- and even prior to this I am waking up every day like- is he ok kind of in this panic mode- I know way beyond what is healthy. And now he has a slight cough and my thought is worry worry - worry that it is the start of something bigger. My husband is the opposite- he is super calm and says why worry worrying does nothing, he will be fine, kids get sick, it will pass. But I just find myself worried a lot in this kind of extreme way. I have tried to seek out counseling for this- but I am having a hard time finding a good therapist who actually has any help to offer beyond what I already know!!
When he was younger I wasnt this anxious. some of it is that I myself have been trying to heal chronic lyme disease for me for 6 years now- and been a real struggle, so it has kind of put me into a more fearful space about health and healing.

Any kind advice about how to worry less? I know it is not healthy- but the fear is my default mode- do I need to kind of convince myself that he will be fine and I dont need to worry? Why do I feel the worrying is so necessary?

tappitytaptap · 08/05/2019 08:51

@LilacGarden our DHs sound similar! Mine is laid back and can't understand why I worry. My only tips are to check the NHS 'signs of serious illness' which are quite reassuring. If you look up various conditions then it tells you when you might need to see a GP etc. Google is not helpful as a lot of US stuff comes up which is overly cautious I think, probably because of private health insurance!

LilacGarden · 08/05/2019 14:05

@tappitytaptap Thanks! Yes- I am trying to get into a therapist. I think for me it may be a generational thing passed down form my parents-. Even though they do not have this same symptom as I do of health anxiety- there is something for me about having to feel like I am on high alert in order to keep my child safe- which I think may be passed down even subconsciously through things that happened to my family over generations and ways they dealt with trauma! I really want to re train my mind to know- it is ok, kids get ill, it passes, their bodies heal- and to not feel like I have to be on such high alert in order to protect my child. For me I think it runs deep and I am trying to find someone knowledgeable to help me learn to re train my mind around this. I think retraining my mind is a bit of fake it till you make it- like I have to tell myself it is ok to relax

HJBeans · 08/05/2019 20:06

I went to therapy for this. The gist seemed to be that you can’t convince yourself not to be scared, but you can learn to live more comfortably with the uncertainty and fear. It helped to some extent - as did my kids getting older and heartier. But I’m having a massive wobble tonight with a poorly DS and on mumsnet looking for other mums who’s kids have been ill and then on. It comes down like a ton of bricks whenever DS2 is ill and I can’t shift the certainty he is suffering from something serious and I need to be on alert to get him help. I think mine is generational, too. It does help to read others feel the same- thanks to whoever revived this.

Takiza · 14/05/2019 01:01

Fellow HA sufferer here. Worry about ds recently cause he has been getting tired easily over the past few months. Getting blood tests done. I hate the worry so much! Nice to read I am not alone.

Kate1983rimmer · 29/05/2019 18:11

Hi ladies, so sorry you are all suffering with this horrible condition but reading your posts has made me feel slightly better. I've had OCD for 15 years. Before our sons were born I had 2 nervous breakdowns, since the birth of our eldest in 2012 my anxiety has changed to worrying about their health. It just seems to be getting worse and I don't know how much more I can take. Over Easter the oldest got chicken pox, then the youngest an ear infection treated with amoxicillin led to an amoxicillin rash, he at the same time started with chicken pox. Our eldest has been ill since last Tuesday with gastroenteritis, we have been at a&e this morning with a small rash on his chest that won't blanch and hives. I'm on Prozac but am considering beta blockers as well. Kate

Ariel88 · 05/08/2019 14:10

Hey all I also have health anxiety which has been so much worse since having my children and really could to with finding a way of coping with it as I can't go through life like this every time one child has any symptom.I just always jump to the worse possible thing it could be. My son is currently suffering with a windy belly and loose stools he's been like it a couple of months now I'm convinced it has to be something bad. Would love to hear how people are helping their anxiety

Paddym123 · 30/12/2019 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yellowallpaper · 01/01/2020 13:28

HCP here too and I am exactly the same. The only way I've found helps is to rationalise the symptoms and try to stay calm. I also don't let the kids see my anxiety as it might encourage them to complain about minor symptoms that my anxiety will run out of control with

ForeverBaffled · 01/01/2020 21:40

Oh yes. I’ve suffered so badly since my 2 year old DS was born. Have been through concerns about many different diseases and conditions. Currently I am fixated on the idea he might have muscular dystrophy. I’ve had CBT but found it ineffective really. Trying so hard to put the work we did into practice. I’m utterly exhausted by it all.

Tunnocks34 · 03/01/2020 22:32

I have OCD. I try to think logically but far too often I find myself googling their symptoms. Not even symptoms but for example, my son had stomach ache and I immediately thought - what if he has stomach cancer or neuroblastoma. The next morning when it was gone I was fine, but I spent a full night then searching for ‘neuroblastoma symptoms’ so exhausting!

Tunnocks34 · 03/01/2020 22:35

The worst thing I find is I can always find some article, or some story online about how someone’s child had a head ache and it turned out to be a brain tumour. So in my head, I can’t quite convince myself that my child isn’t falling victims to a more serious illness until whatever they have passes. Strangely, my youngest has an unusual congenital abnormality which requires surgery and I am so laid back with him. Almost likeable I know he definitely has it I can relax. I don’t know.

Fluffypip · 06/01/2020 11:42

Reading all these posts is definitely helping me feel more normal! I thought I was the only one with this horrible exhausting anxiety about my child's health...I'm currently in the worst throws of it amidst my latest panic that theres something wrong with her kidneys...she is due to take a test this afternoon and am absolutely beside myself with panic.

Like lots of mums here, I also used to be a nurse and also had a serious health condition which is now long since in remission but I worry constantly that my daughter will develop the same even though the statistics are around 94% of offspring dont...
When I get in a spiral over a new health concern I can be totally paralyzed by it and unable to function, I dont want to terrorize my daughter with my worries as she struggles too with anxiety but at the same time I know I fuss over any possible symptom that might suggest a problem. It's so draining and generally pointless.

ForeverBaffled · 06/01/2020 16:46

@Fluffypip I can sympathise so much. I’m a nurse too! I hope your daughters tests go okay and the results give you some relief Flowers

I still can’t get the worries about muscular dystrophy out of my head. My son is 25 months and not jumping or kicking balls which are indicators of gross motor delay according to the internet ... my mind then spirals and I catastrophise completely. Awful.

Fluffypip · 06/01/2020 17:39

@ForeverBaffled it's so hard isnt it...it seems to be that knowing possible implications of probably totally unimportant signs and symptoms just makes it easier to catastrophise everything. My daughter was fine, the reality is that my worst fears are never realized as I'm sure yours about your son wont be. I look back and can always see my panic was an overreaction but that insight doesn't stop me the next time. In your heart of hearts you probably know your son is fine x

ForeverBaffled · 06/01/2020 20:32

I’m so pleased your daughter is okay @Fluffypip, that must be a huge relief. But yes, it always leaves you with this sudden perspective And clarity which was impossible to find at the time. I’ve had CBT specifically for health anxiety but finding it hard to implement what I’ve learnt.

I hope you can get off this rollercoaster soon x

Franticgeeknerd · 18/04/2020 21:31

Hi I am so glad I came across this as I am currently going through this I had my son in December last year he is my miracle baby as I had a stillbirth in 2012 but I now have this terrible anxiety I worry all the time that he is either ill or going to be I'll it's utterly horrendous I lie awake watching him waiting on any sign of illness it makes me feel sick to my stomach I very rarely eat I Google symptoms nearly every night I just want to be normal ☹☹☹ please tell me it gets easier

Rubbleonthedouble1 · 17/09/2020 23:00

Sorry to bump an old thread again. I am constantly worried about my children’s health and now having a bad episode. Has anyone got any tips? X

Lhnicholson · 25/04/2021 15:48

Hi bumping up this old thread again. I am having a really difficult time with HA. My DS has had three bouts of gastro in the last 3.5 months (we are thinking it is a reaction to something he is eating?) and I am at my wits end with anxiety. I am finding it hard to get up in the morning for fear it is another day with him feeling poorly. I am going to schedule some blood tests for him to rule out Celiac and other things (I have Celiac and a significant family history of autoimmune disease), but what I really need is some relief from this constant exhausting state of worry. I feel like it is affecting my ability to be a good mother.

Enixam · 09/01/2022 19:54

Omg this is me!! Its driving me insane literally

WhatTHEactualWHAT · 10/01/2022 23:32

I'm so pleased to know that I'm not the only one who has this.... condition? Not sure if it is a condition? I think I have it particularly bad.
I always seem to find something health wise to worry about. Think it's how my mind is wired and how things I read or hear about stick in my mind. Plus there have been some early deaths in the family due to cancer.
The worry was SIDS when the DCs were babies. My mind always jumps to worse case scenario. My younger DC had a lump on knee which I instantly jumped to the conclusion it had to be cancer as I had watched something similar about knee lump being cancer on the TV program Stand Up to Cancer.
Whatever rare cases I read in newspapers about tragic young deaths, it seems to stick in my mind. As well as stories on symptoms being missed.
I always worry about the possibility of developing sepsis. I worry about my bloated stomach being ovarian cancer, I worry about having a sinus thrombosis and clot since covid jab etc etc etc....
Not brave enough to talk about this out loud in real life or with Doc. It sounds like I need help but don't feel I can admit to this as I know deep now it is irrational thinking. I hope my mind calms down and this way of thinking diminishes as the years go by hopefully without any major health problems in order to disprove myself.
We have a lot of information, Dr Google and mis-information at our fingertips and that just drives my thought process. I need to step back and look at things objectively with balanced thought process.
I admire those who have sought help for this in order to help themselves

panicbot · 19/03/2022 16:42

Hey, I'm just adding to this thread because I relate a lot and I'm massively stressing today and hope that if I type it all out I might feel better afterwards.

My DD is 11 now and I've always been anxious about her health - in my head, every symptom is a sign that she's developing a serious chronic health condition that will destroy her life. I'm absolutely exhausted at this point and so tired of trying to 'act normal.' I desperately didn't want to pass it on to her so I probably take her to the doctor less than a lot of mums would, but the effort it takes me to contain my panic is just breaking me, honestly. It doesn't help that she's highly anxious also, about everything, and her whole nervous system is always on high alert (little playground falls get her so worked up and crying, stuff other kids would just run off). She comes to me in a panic about symptoms and it takes all the self-contorl I've got not to instantly buy-in and started freaking out myself.

It's been quiet for a few weeks, but then last friday she tried to stop a swing full of kids with her foot and badly twisted her knee. She called me in floods of tears and panicking and i went to get her from the park, shaking and feeling nauseous myself because I was convinced she'd broken it. for context, I have terrible chronic pain myself which I know is stress related and I'm terrified of her injuring herself and then just never healing because that's just the kind of people we are, our panic makes our bodies hold on to pain and injuries - she's always getting migraines and tummy aches and growing pains and just every damn thing. Anyway this knee had swelled up a little bit and she had a big bruise and was limping so I took her home, iced it, elevated it, told her to rest it. I didn't take her to minor injuries because every time we go it's always nothing and she's just blown it out of proportion and I'm sick of them looking at me like I'm wasting their time (she cries at the drop of a hat and feels pain very intensely so even a minor thing will feel awful to her). She was limping a little bit the next day but it looked a lot better and I thought, okay, I'll drive her up to school, she can skip PE, sit on the bench at break, rest it again when she gets home and she'll be fine in a few days. But no. It keeps getting a bit better, and then getting worse again, and then better, and then worse. It's been a week now and I'm so fucking scared that she's damaged it permanently somehow. Like, I know it's probably fine but I'm just so scared. Plus I know that if I show any of this fear in my face or body language that she'll pick up on it and start freaking out too, and then it will hurt worse and heal worse because her mood really affects how she's feeling. If she's worried that she'll never get better, then she won't, she'll be limping on that knee for months and that'll be her whole summer down the toilet.

And she drives me crazy because on the one hand she's panicking about this knee, but the minute I say she has to stay in or miss a school day or activity or whatever, she acts like its the absolute end of the world, all tears etc. But if I let her go and see a friend, absolutely insisting that she rests it while she's there, next thing I see she's on tiktok running around and dancing like a loon!!! Then she's home afterward and it's swollen up again and she's crying. I just can't with this anymore. Sorry this is such a rant but I'm just so tired of being terrified for her and also trying to manage her volatility, I just want to leave the country for a month and then come back when it's hopefully all better!! AAGGGH!!!! Her dad's keeping an eye on her right now because I just couldn't cope another minute longer watching her limp about. I'm googling wondering if I need to be on anxiety drugs now. I have propanalol already but it just puts me to sleep which isnt' ideal when you still need to do things. I just don't want to feel so awful all the time Sad

Thanks for listening

charlotte2703 · 23/12/2022 23:02

i know these posts are from years ago but if anyone still checks here i’m going through this now and it’s ruining every day for me :(

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