Any mums with health anxiety?

[PJM18]

Hi. I haven't been to the doctor so not officially diagnosed with this but am aware that I become very anxious and over worried about health issues in my family and myself. I'm a health professional myself so find it a bit embarrassing to admit this but think it is a problem.
I find that if one of my children mention something that most people would dismiss ie 'my leg is sore' my first thought is oh my god, what if it's bone cancer or if one of them look a bit pale I get a leukaemia worry.

I'm interested how other people deal with this as I don t want it affecting my children by my constant analysing them. Has anyone had treatment for this and did it help?
Thanks

hjbeans I'm just back from out of hours Doctor with ds he has a chest infection and prescribed antibiotics so that's "great". Feel so mentally drained by all the worry, I know other mums worry a lot about their sick children too so I know some level of it must be normal/natural, I just can't work out when I'm tipping over the point of normal.

So sorry your wee one has got a chest infection, but it's good you've got the medicine he needs. Antibiotics should kick in quickly and hopefully he'll be feeling much better soon. Hope your night not too broken last night once you were back from out of hours.

I also find the balance between worrying too much so it makes me mentally sick and worrying enough to push for help my son needs very tricky. I'm clearly anxious, so I doubt my instincts as they're on a hair-trigger. But sometimes they're spot on and I have known first the three times he's needed to go to hospital. It's very hard and so, so exhausting.

Well we ended up in A&E in the middle of the night saturday as he was struggling to breath for the first time in his life, they gave him inhalers and observed him for a few hours and sent us home again. His fever finally broke last night and I've had to take today off work as we've barely slept.

I think in our situation it's hard as well because we have children who are frequently sick!

Just checking in to ask how you were getting on and so sorry to read this update. It's so terrifying when they aren't breathing properly. And, yes, I agree having kids who are frequently unwell - and unwell in scary ways - must make it much harder to keep perspective. One thing I struggle with every time we're in hospital is that the nurses and doctors act as if he's not that unwell - which objectively, compared to all the kids they see, he isn't. Would have had trouble being sent home in your place and can imagine how hugely stressful this weekend has been for you. Can you get some rest / time off somehow to recharge yourself a bit?

Thank you, unfortunately just the one day off work for me as I can't afford to take time off so I'm back in today. His breathing and cough have improved a lot with the antibiotics and the fever breaking. Completely agree with you, they tell you they're struggling to breath is you can see the ribs when they suck in or the spot above the collar bone sucking in which he had both but after some inhalers the doctor informed us that his sucking in was mild and would need to be a lot more severe than that to warrant oxygen.... So how can we ever get it right?

Hi, i've had HA for about 14 years now but I've been a worrier all my life. I'm 52 so that's a lot of worrying! I've been struggling for the last 22 months with severe HA and i'm just managing to cope.

My 11 yo ds seems to have had a cold off and on for the last 7 months. He has had a red flaky rash just under his nose for the last few weeks also, think it's from his nose running. I'm so worn out with the constant worrying.

Welcome and sorry to hear you're struggling. Sorry your DS isn't well. In the same boat with DS2, who's two, and has had a chesty cough for months. I'm constantly watching his belly while he breathes and fighting the urge to Google - again - are slight retractions normal with a cold. The other day he was not coughing much and seeming full of beans. I felt amazing and when I was trying to think why I felt so at peace that day I realised I'd had a full few hours of not worrying about him. The background hum of panic becomes normal and I forget what feeling normal and relaxed is like.

14 years is a very long time - I'm shattered after just a few. I really feel for you. Have you had any help with the HA over this time and has anything been particularly effective for you?

Hi kaylasmum I've had it for 8 years so I know how tiring it becomes after a long time. Sometimes it can definitely seem like they've had permanent colds/coughs, I can usually console myself in the winter months about this but once the spring rolls around I start the usual tirade of "it's been 5 months now, the weather has improved, he shouldn't still be snuffling/coughing" etc

I’m so glad to have found this thread. I have talked to anyone about this. I thought I was going mad.

I have a senior job in healthcare and have what I would describe as “high functioning anxiety” with a lot of my friends and colleagues describing me as “easy going” and “methodical” but god I internalise things.

I have always been a worrier but since the birth of my son 3 years ago it has significantly escalated. When he was born I had the normal fears of cot death, SIDS etc but these have now been replaced by things like meningitis and sepsis should he at all be under the weather. It is so bad now that I’m not able to let him sleep on his own on a night. Fortunately he has a double bed!! He’s never been a great sleeper and we co-slept until the start of the year when he moved from the cot bed to a proper bed.

Everyone thinks I sleep in the same bed to try and get a good nights sleep when he inevitably wakes up in the night, the truth is, to get a good nights sleep, I need to sleep near him so I know he’s ok. Ridiculous I know but I can’t sleep for worrying if I sleep in bed with my husband. My husband is accepting of this at the moment but I don’t know how long for. He has said we can’t considering having another child until our son is sleeping by himself which is causing me anxiety too.

My GP practice aren’t the most sympathetic and I can imagine them brushing it off thinking I’m just another “first time Mum”. Any advice? X

No advice but lots of sympathy and sorry not to have said hi earlier - the thread fell off my recents. I also want my son with me at night at my worst times, though having him there means I just listen intently to his breathing and keep counting his respiratory rate etc. It's crippling and I really feel for you

Hi all. Read this post to and realised i am not alone!
Have suffered from HA since begining of second pregnancy... related to myself (mri scan tests docs neurologists- they did find a problem with bones in my face but they regard this as an incidental finding) obvs i was thinking big C.
Anywho.... i found a lump on ds1 neck and panicked took him to docs and they checked him over and found another 3 lymph nodes swollen in other areas. They've refered him to paeds and bloods next week and i have just hit the bottom of the pit.
Never transferred it to kids until now, especially as he was a sleep apnea child had constant ear throat infections and at 3yo had tonilectomy and adenoidectomy to alleviate... which it did. Despite all this i never questioned his mortality!
I have struggled so bad since all the hormones kicked in and feels like it will never end!
Really feel for all of you too
Xx

So sorry you are facing a worrying time - it is so difficult to have genuine health worries about your child as it is and the health anxiety just makes it more so. I hope you have reassuring news soon - the waiting is the worst I think as your mind (and googling finger) can run riot. Lots of sympathy and hand holding.

I have health anxiety have been through councelling 3 times

This is totally me, one of them says thier tummy hurts I start panicking about all sorts of issues. It’s so hard to stop aswell, then thinking leads to more thinking which mak3s you think about something else, it’s an endless vicious cycle of thinking. No one else in my family knows about this, they’d just keep telling me don’t worry so much, it’s not like I want to worry I’d rather not have the stress. It just happens.

It's so exhausting to be on "watch" all the fucking time for every little possible thing. I'm constantly body scanning my son. I came home from work recently and he'd been with my dh all day, within about 30 seconds of playing with ds I said to dh what's the red mark on his foot? He was like oh my god you're like hawk eyes or something, he dropped a toy robot on his foot, not a big deal so didn't mention it. If it had of been the other way around dh would never even have noticed the mark. Right now ds has a rash, I'm assuming and hoping it's heat rash as he seems to have no other symptoms and he's been a sweaty mess in this recent weather. Hope all you other HA mummies are coping right now.

So glad to have found this thread.

It is crippling me at the moment. I've always had emetophobia but had that mostly under control when it was just me and I was, but didn't realise, really controlling my circumstances and avoiding certain things. But the extreme HA proper started around the birth of my second child after having a health scare with my first. Then the more children you have, the more out of control you feel that you cannot keep all of them safe/healthy and you cannot be hyper vigilant about all of them at the same time.

DH and my relationship is always on the rocks because I am never able to relax and have a good time because I am always worried about the possibility of one of the DC getting ill. I don't like DH leaving the house "just in case" something happens. Naturally he finds this extremely confining and claustrophobic. If I could go back I would not have had children and just taken care of my own mental health.

I have tried various solutions, like handing responsibility over to someone else to be the "rational decision maker" about health. But I found this didn't help as it completely placed me with a sense of being out of control and gave me panic attacks.

Don't know what to do next TBH. Don't know whether to tackle the specific phobia (emetophobia) or the general anxiety or the OCD.

I had hoped on reading this that it got better as DC got older, but there are Mums of 13 year olds on here saying they feel the same as they did when their DC were small. And then it just transfers into your teenager's safety, driving, on the road, at the hands of other people, travelling..

When does it stop?

I haven't consulted on this matter specifically, however found it useful to share my worries with my therapist. Interestingly, I found it harder to deal with my partner several weeks prior to the delivery day. Once our Emily joined us, I was able to manage my worries (yet they didn't fully fade away). I believe my worries were driven by the fact that I cannot do anything to protect my daughter while she was unborn; once she was out there with us, I found it easier to calm myself by reminding myself that 'I can help her whenever she needs it'. My sincere advice would be to seek professional assistance regarding your concerns, and of course make sure that your kids receive all their nutritional requirements :)

Sorry to butt in but I also have it really bad ds currently unwell and I've been a nervous wreck crying and panicking since last night. Can't seem to think rationally that kids get ill it's so draining I'm 6 months pregnant and don't sleep while he's ill for fear of something happening

I posted my original message a few weeks ago and thought I would get a notification if anyone replied but I didn’t so apols.

Anyway to update, to cut a very long story short I plucked up the courage to go back to my GP as I was fed up with feeling run down all the time. Nothing serious on its own but for numerous weeks feeling like I was getting a cold, terrible mouth ulcers, poor concentration, exhausted during the day but then insomnia at night, hair falling out, atrocious memory etc etc Anyway did blood tests and all normal, which although reassuring in one sense, annoying in another. GP then asked if I was anxious about anything and that’s when I confessed to my fears around my son. She advised I seek some psychology support as she believes my emotional state is affecting my physical state.

Well I’ve got the first appt tomorrow morning after the school run. Nobody knows, not even my husband. I feel a bit deceitful but at the moment I feel like I need to deal with this on my own. I’ll keep you posted as to how it goes!

I've been looking at threads for support as my DS has just been diagnosed with epilepsy. My thoughts have been running out of control and my anxiety levels are through the roof but having read this post trail I recognise myself. I'm believing every thought I have instead of discarding the scary ones.

How did your appointment go?

My appointment went really well. I was so nervous that I nearly cancelled. Essentially I just talked about what was worrying me. The psychologist is a man which worried me as I thought he might think I was just being an irrational woman but he was very understanding. He said everyday we have hundreds of thousands of thoughts, most of which enter our head and then disappear; worry is just another type of thought which we can’t shut off for whatever reason which made sense. He gave me some literature which he had written (not a leaflet) which he said explains it more. I can try and attach it if anyone interested? He said it sounds like I am putting myself under a lot of pressure to “fix myself” exacerbated by perceived outside pressures from other people e.g husband, mother and MIL. We didn’t agree to do anything per se this week but you know, just speaking to someone about this, who didn’t judge me, didn’t laugh at me, left me feeling like a weight had been lifted off my chest. Don’t get me wrong, nothing has changed in as far as I am still sleeping in the same bed as my son so I can watch over him but I’m beating myself up less about it. I feel more positive that I will overcome this which for a long time, I never thought possible. I have another appt with him this week. (I get a minimum of 6 sessions with him)

One thing he encouraged me to do was to tell my husband how I’m feeling. I haven’t done that and I don’t think I will be just yet as I still feel I need to do this myself. Maybe soon I will.

Hi wonder if I could join please. My son was involved in a accident when just starting school last September it required emergency surgery and a hospital stay for a few days and a lot of follow up appointments he was in agony and on morphine. It was a horrific time and affected us all I kept him at home and have deferred till this year. He started a different school this month this is his 3rd week but the first week was half days. It's been so hard for me as he has been anxious about going in but is saying enjoys it and comes out pretty happy but on Thursday he got a cold I sent him in as was ok but on Thursday night started with a temp and sore ear and has had a ear infection and antibiotics. He is a lot better but still has a cold and honestly I don't know what is wrong with me I've been worrying all day and basically unable to decide if he should go to school tomorrow to the point if been texting my mum loads, changing my mind , and unable to decide what to do. I think I will send him in but feel so so nervous about it. I know he's got a cold and I'm being irrational I just know he will be upset going in as he was just starting to go in a bit better and then had been off poorly and they want them to go in on their own and I'm just hoping he is ok and doesn't feel rubbish. I think I have got some kind of anxiety around his health and also trust issues due to what happened so keep thinking what if he feels poorly will he get looked after/ will they ring me. This probably doesn't even make sense and I hope I don't sound totally ridiculous but even writing it out has helped a bit to know I'm not alone

Last pp, you're not alone as I do the exact same thing but sorry to say we definitely both are irrational in this. I'm absolutely dreading the winter months because last year my boy had 7 ear infections in 6 months alone with what felt like just one long continuous cold and bad cough, I was at the gp soo many times. Its exhausting, both physically and mentally.

nogodsnomasters thank you for your reply and I'm sorry your little one was so poorly must have been awful. I had a good cry last night and today went ok I think his teacher said he was ok at school. I had a early night tonight slept for a hour then woke up feeling anxious again so I've downloaded a appt on meditation I'm going to start it tomorrow and I'm going to try and do some yoga aswell. Hopefully it will help

Hi Iv got a poorly 10 month old tonight and yet again my anxiety is so bad is physically hurts.. I shake and get bad stomach ache.. it started 5 years ago when my 5 week old 1st baby boy got took into hospital with a temperature after that he was just a sickly child always in and out of hospital then my 2nd child my little girl (sorry not sure on the short versions) as soon as she gets ill I think the worst and panic to the point I want to be sick.. I know this behaviour isn’t normal and Iv never got any help, I was woundering if any of yous have had help and it’s actually helped? I want to show my children how to cope in bad situations and if I can’t they never will? It’s also effecting my relationship? It’s not all day everyday only when there ill or if they’ve got to go somewhere and I’m not there, car journeys worry me and I’m not sure how I’m going to get on a plane in May? It’s nice to know I’m not the only one that feels like there child is on lend I suppose I just love them with every inch of me, there my everything and I’m still breastfeeding my baby so I can’t even catch up on sleep or go do something nice for myself.. thanks for listening to my rant it helps to get it all out