I hope you all had a peaceful night and got some rest. I am full of admiration for the way you are coping with the constant adrenaline which much be surging through you, and also helping Joe through this at the same time. When your mind starts playing on the what-ifs, try your hardest to re-focus on just getting through the day and don't allow thoughts to wander onto tomorrow and beyond. Of course, it's so easy to say that, isn't it? Sounds like you have a good distraction in the crocheting.
My grandmother-in-law used crochet to relieve stress (her youngest child had a bad illness when he was a baby). Consequently, all members of the family each have several gorgeous crocheted blankets. When I see my DS enjoying lying on them pointing out all the colours and patterns, and hearing all about his great nanny who made them, it's somehow quite nice to think that something beautiful came out of what was a very difficult time for her.
Regarding drinking and eating, I have experience of NOT doing this: my DS was ill in hospital with a weird virus. Unlike you, we easily had the opportunity to eat and drink, as DS was only 13 months at the time and didn't pay much attention to what we were doing, but we didn't because we were flapping over DS, and subsequently we both collapsed at different times, admittedly partly because we also had the virus, but mostly because we just didn't take care of ourselves. Poor DS then had to spend a night away from me while I was in another part of the hospital attached to a drop. A couple of nights later, the same happened to DH.
I know yours is a completely different situation, not least because you're clearly NOT flapping like we did, and also have a bloody good excuse for not drinking bearing in mind it upsets Joe, but I agree that you MUST somehow keep drinking, even if you have to pretend to drop something under Joe's bed, bend down and grab a few gulps from a bottle hidden there! (gulp quietly or make a noise while you're doing it!) You can tell him that you are just getting very clumsy because you are so tired!
Anyway, I am wittering on. Thinking of you, your family and of course, lovely Joe.