Dating a single dad - advice needed/rant

[Lauramartin1990]

I’m recently engaged to a wonderful guy who is an amazing father to 3 children aged 5-12.

i’ve not met the kids yet because the mother apparently needs to agree to it which is kind of making me feel a bit rubbish. She has the kids Sunday evening - Thursday. He then collects the kids from school Thursday afternoon to Sunday evening.

how can we pursue our marriage and having a child of our own if he’s having to keep me and the kids separate?

I am 35, no kids myself and didn’t want them until I met him. But I’m 100% committed to him and playing whatever role I need to in his kids lives.

I don’t want to push him about it but I also don’t want to constantly feel that my feelings don’t matter.

has anyone else been in a similar position? Please tell me it gets better and easier? Surely his ex can’t hold all the cards on our future?

Look, not what you want to hear at all, but it’s total folly to be engaged to someone when you’ve not even MET his children.

You must know this is ridiculous. You've not been together very long, have you?

35, want kids, engaged but you haven’t met his kids? Not great, I’m sure you know that.

Do you think a frank talk is in order? He’s their parent and he says he wants to build a life with you. It’s his decision, not his ex’s.

I suspect he’s future faking. Sorry.

Engaged? Without having met and spent at least (the very least) a year getting to know the children? You're being played for a fool.

When do you see him if he has the kids all weekend?

I’m sorry, this must be really hard for you. How long have you been together?

You don’t see him on weekends?!

Being stuck with someone else's kids all weekend every weekend? Fuck that.

how long have you been together? Of course the woman would like to agree to someone meeting her children, why would that make you feel rubbish? They aren’t yours.

Does he want more kids?
can he afford more kids easily?
when do you plan to get married?

How on earth did you say yes when you’ve not met his kids? How long have you been together? Have you met the mum?

You’re mad to even consider continuing this nonsense.

It isn’t up to his ex. She might not like there being a new woman on the scene, but you’re about to be married, so OF COURSE you have to meet the kids. What is she expecting after the wedding, that you’ll hide in a cupboard every time the kids stay over?

I’m amazed you've got as far as engagement without meeting them frankly - how long have you been together?

He needs to man up now and stop pandering to his ex. It doesn’t bode well for your future together.

He sounds like an idiot.

His ex has no legal right to stop him deciding who meets the dc.
He is pandering to his ex over your feelings and your relationship .. This won't ever change imo.
Ltb... Before it's too late.

Ohhhh he’s one of those where the ex still gets to make the rules despite that they are divorced and he even has a new partner. You need to have a very frank conversation and be thinking about moving on.

It isn’t up to his ex when you meet the kids it’s up to him. How long have you been together ? Getting engaged without having met them is a recipe for disaster - how will it work when you marry and still haven’t met them ? How do you think the kids will react when they do meet you for the first time and you are engaged / married ? Will he expect you to go away when he has the kids for the weekend ?

Sorry but your DP needs to get a backbone and get this sorted - I’m sorry and it’s not what you want to hear but this behaviour is waving so many red flags for your relationship.

Run.
She can't control this and he knows it.
You could've met them a long time ago.

But hes chosen the easy route.
After all happy wife happy life

(You aren't the wife)

If you already feel like your feelings don’t matter, then sorry but it’s not going to get any better once the honeymoon period is over.

His ex doesn’t hold the cards, he does, and he is the problem. How can you be engaged to someone who has his children every weekend and you haven’t even met them? Red flags waving everywhere here.

I'm guessing this is a made up story and the OP wont be back

What if she is protecting the children because he has had a string of relationships and she doesn’t want them involved? Or what if he allows her to call all the shots and will never stand up for your relationship- how does that work out ? Also, what if you and his children meet and don’t click?
when there are already children involved (and ex partners), it’s important to really take your time (I mean at least a couple of years), really figure out what’s going on and really experience how that life would be for all of you before jumping in the deep end.

Yeah…what they ⬆️ all said!

You are being played!

He has every right to introduce you to his kids…his ex absolutely does NOT need to agree to it ffs! If he’s saying this, he’s lying (and he knows it!)

Also…how have you even got as far as being engaged without having spent weekends together?? 🤯

Run away. 3 kids is too much baggage. That sounds mean, but it’s reality. Ignoring of course the fact that the ex wife has no say whether he introduces the kids to a girlfriend.

how do you know he is an amazing father? You’ve never seem him at it.

How can you possibly know he is an amazing father when you have never seen him with the kids?!
How can you get engaged with half a person (as you do not know who is is when he is with his kids)

So you’ve never spent the weekend together?

Honestly this arrangement he had seems destined to blow up. How long has it been like this? How does she get every weekend free and he (presumably) gets no downtime.

Why doesn’t she want to see her kids at the weekend?

Obviously been said up post but if you r never met his kids then a marriage isn’t on the cards.