Reasons you’re childfree by choice?

[DownThePubWithStevieNicks]

For me, the main reason is I have never particularly had a maternal instinct. There are scores of secondary reasons backing up the main reason, including:

• Having partners who for various reasons (being useless, inflexible career) would not have been truly equal parents
• Really valuing my financial and physical freedom to live as I please, go where I want
• Hating thought of pregnancy and childbirth
• Liking sleep
• Worries about passing on familial MH problems and/or poor parenting
• Concerns about the state of the environment and national and global politics
• Fear that a child could be disabled and require lifelong care
• Not wanting to be a single parent in the 50-50 eventuality that relationship broke down.

I am at the very end of my fertile years now and have no regrets! I’m lucky in that I am rarely asked about having/wanting kids, and when I am ‘I never wanted them’ is always accepted.

Did you have other reasons I missed?

Never wanted them, even as a child I hated playing “families” with dolls - just never got it. Wondered whether maybe it would hit me as I went through my 30’s but now in my 40’s and never changed my mind. Thankfully my DP feels exactly the same way.

Same @IDontLikePinaColadas around 30 was the only time I’ve really properly thought about it and it was easy to conclude: nah!

I am constantly grateful, particularly reading threads on MN, that I am truly with my partner by choice, not because I want or have kids with him.

Didn't fancy being covered in puke and shit for years.

Yes, I'm that shallow.

I've never wanted any.

I grew up thinking I'd have children because everyone did. Then when I really thought about it, there were too many cons.

Having PCOS and probably needing some sort of help getting pregnant
Hating the thought of giving birth and having to hope for good care/ no complications
Living on maternity pay
Paying for childcare
Paying for wraparound care
Knowing my DH wouldn't really be 50:50 with housework and raising them
Probably having to support them well into adulthood

Absolutely nothing about parenting looks fun/appealing.

I saw the reality through my job - many many times I thought, that is not the life for me.....!

I'm kind of on the fence, but leaning towards being child free (I've actually tried for years with no luck).

But what @DownThePubWithStevieNicks said are the reasons I'm leaning.

I'm not a morning person, I struggle to function on broken sleep.

I enjoy my free time doing my own hobbies and having no pressure to do anything.

I don't enjoy spending time around babies and young toddlers.

I love being able to afford to treat my relatives to days out/dinner etc.

I don't feel the need to bring another life into this world.

Pregnancy and child birth freaks me out.

I've never written off adoption or fostering, but I suspect if I ever do that I'll be 40+ at least as by then I'll have the space/time/income and hopefully life experience to help a kid or two in desperate need.

I don't like children; no aspect of parenting looks fun to me, especially not pregnancy/babyhood. My mum certainly never made it seem enjoyable. I like my own money, space and time.

Mainly because I really dislike children.

I couldn't cope with children, it's hard enough to keep my own show on the road without being responsible for someone else's. If I'd been misguided enough to have them, they'd probably have been taken in by social services during one of my extended depressive phases.

I don't dislike other people's children, but I feel awkward around them, I am not a natural with children.

Same. Can’t stand 99.9% of them. And I find many parents tedious as well. Motherhood is definitely not for me. The irony being that lots of people say I’d be an amazing mother (because they see how I am with animals?!). They’re wrong. I’d be terrible. Unless I could ‘inherit’ kids aged 16 who already had good exam results (I couldn’t tolerate stupid - or lazy - kids). I start liking them from age 16 onwards as young adults are much more interesting and rewarding. But before 16, no thanks!

I have never felt any interest in having kids...

I don't particularly like kids anyway and hate the idea of having someone who depends on me for everything.

Being neurodivergent probably plays a part: I am very sensitive to sounds and I can't stand hearing kids' having tantrums, shouting and crying.

I think it is best to be aware that you are not cut out to be a parent!

Never wanted any kids and find them pretty boring.

I’ve just thought of another reason, though I suppose it’s kinda the same as the freedom one. I don’t want to have to negotiate with my partner which nights I can go out, and feel guilty if I want to go to the gym one night and band practice the next. And I don’t want to resent my partner for going to 5s twice in one week.

It just looks absolutely awful - parenthood, that is. Like giving away your heart and wearing it outside your body, to only ever be happy if someone else is.

Every single one of the reasons discussed above. Also I knew I would hurt too much if my child was sad, bullied, ill etc. Life is hard & I feel proud that I've never inflicted it on someone else. Why make another human being suffer?

Really though, these thoughts are kind of secondary; I could just never ever accept that being pregnant & giving birth was something I'd want to do. Not for a nanosecond.

Never had the urge.

That's the main reason - I just don't want to. And I don't think that sort of lifelong commitment should be entered into unless it's something you really, really want to do (and think you can do well).

If I had to give more detail, they are loud, sticky, irrational and substantially limit your options for the best part of 2 decades. Pregnancy and birth sound awful, and my body is already prone to falling apart without giving it extra reasons. And it wouldn't be possible to bring up a child they way I would want to - not without far more money than I had available at the relevant age, and a time machine, and the power to entirely reshape society.

Good thread.
For me:
Not a morning person, never have been even as a kid
Can't cope with little/broken sleep, I feel awful and it makes my MH worse
Cost of childcare
Inevitably as a woman ending up being the default parent and reading posts from women every day feeling shitty and resentful about this and carrying all of the mental load
The politics/dynamics of other mums/parents
It can be really boring/tiring/stressful/anxiety inducing looking after kids
I'm shattered now without kids
Love having my own space and time to do whatever I want
I could go on 😂

For me, it was the fear that I'd repeat the pattern of my abusive childhood. Both of my parents were abusers - one mainly physical, one mainly verbal - and the thought that I'd inflict even 10% of that onto another generation was too much.

In the wise words of Mr. Krabs

"Silence and money".

Because I like having a nice life. Can't imagine having a random in the house expecting me to give them all my time and money and sleep.

Fully agree with this. Life is really difficult and it's only likely to get more and more challenging. I think not existing is the best state you can be in.

Childhood is like a nice little bubble (if you are lucky) but then you get thrown into adulthood and it's just a big long slog, followed by illness and death, maybe with a side helping of cancer and / or dementia before you go. You have to be pretty cruel / selfish to want to inflict that on anyone.

Mine is a mix of choice and circumstances

Parent blackmailed me into a termination when I was younger which I didn't want to have
Never met someone to have them with after that
Can't afford to have a child alone
Now have severe endo and likely infertile