Why is a life without kids still not promoted as a route to happiness?

[OptimismvsRealism]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/sep/15/parents-are-anxious-lonely-overwhelmingly-stressed-and-their-crisis-affects-everyone

Parenthood looks awful. Certainly worse than it needs to be in modern times but fundamentally wretched in many ways. An abandonment of the self.

Shouldn't we be telling young people not to have kids unless they really want to? Like we'd advise with anything so hard.

I've been really open with my 2 teenage boys. I absolutely, desperately wanted to be a mum and I consider it a privilege being their mum but it isn't for everyone and if you don't want to do it don't. Neither of them know yet if they want kids or not but there is certainly no pressure from me.

Might be the case in your social circle but completely the opposite in ours. Most of my close friends don't have kids, not bc they couldn't but bc they didn't want them. I would also say that out of all of my female friends, it's the ones with professional jobs who make good money, would receive good maternity leave and be able to easily afford kids who have made the choice not to have them and it's the ones who were already struggling financially who made the choice to have them.

No matter your income, as long you have some income, even two NMW salaries, you can have kids. It buys more things in the long run than a 6 figure salary spent on oversized house in which is only 1 or the other adult. Do you see the paradox of all that stupid talk and how much losing really people on big salaries do

I am glad someone with the big bucks opened their mouths to remind the humble folk that living on the MNW makes them losers. When in fact the ones on the large salaries spending it all on trinkets and booze is the waste of space

I am not sure what you are trying to say or even the point of your comment. What about people on big salaries?

I also don't think any of my friends, or myself, are losing anything. We have money, freedom and sleep. They all seem like winning to me.

Well, it’s not just about money, though. Many professional jobs require intensive training and several degrees, so you could easily be only starting to really work and at 30, and, especially if you are really engaged in your job, then you’re far less likely to want to take a step back, even if only for maternity leave. When I decided to have a child, it was definitely partly because I’d just finished the substantive work on a big project, and didn’t want to immediately start another.

I got pregnant and tidied up the final few things just before going on maternity leave. I was about to turn 40, and if there had been something else I’d lined up that I felt strongly enough about, I’d probably have chosen that over having a child.

Fair.

I could have all the money, freedom and sleep in the world. None of it would come close to the richness I have in my life through my family, my health and fufilling work.

But this is the point, everyone is different and no need to get defensive about your own views and choices. There isn't a moral high ground to find joy in having children over other things in life; someone who doesn't have children can also find tonnes of joy in family by the way!

If people don't feel rich with their health and family ( not just children) but think that individaulistic self actualisation is the meaning of life then they ultimately they are likely to be unhappy.

Some parents on here really are twats aren't they. 🤣🙄

And just BC I don't have kids I don't have family, good health or fulfilling work? Pretty sure I have all of those things thanks.

Of course, many things can give some one meaning in their life. Money and freedom on their own rarely do.

Aren't they just.

You can't accept that people can be happy without having children can you.

At a guess because being single does not help the capitalist model / society

I totally haven't said that. Why do you think that's what I think ?

Through your posts maybe as a wild guess?

Yep! As I’ve said in other threads, I was told once that ppl without children don’t have the empathy parents do

and yet it’s demonstrated over and over in this part of MN that that’s completely untrue

Of course people can be happy and fufilled wothout children. All I was saying was having loads of money, freedom and sleep isn't enough for most people and doesn't really equate to personal fufilmment.

Glad to see some people agreeing with me. I know everyone is different but when I was single with loads of money and freedom I personally was so lonely and depressed. I used to envy people who are in my position now and I'm so grateful I have it. I would not swap my children or change my life for anything. I still don't get why posts like this need to exist?! You don't want kids, cool?

the societal reluctance to promote a childfree life as a path to happiness is rooted in deeply ingrained cultural norms. Parenthood has long been viewed as essential to personal fulfillment, legacy, and social stability. Yet, modern challenges, as outlined in the article, reveal that parenthood often involves significant stress, financial strain, and emotional burnout. Despite this, the narrative surrounding children remains largely positive, masking the equally valid choice of a childfree life.

People derive satisfaction from different sources—some find meaning in raising children, while others pursue happiness through autonomy, career achievements, or personal passions.

Parenthood, while rewarding for many, often comes with sacrifices that can negatively impact day-to-day happiness. parents, particularly those with young children,may have higher levels of stress and reduced personal freedom. The financial burden of raising children also limits opportunities to engage in activities that might otherwise enhance well-being, such as travel or professional development.

Who are you tu judge what other people might find fulfilling?