How are you coping with a long working life with no parental leave breaks?

[SorryAswad]

I've been working since I was 25.
I'm now 40.
Retirement age is likely to be at least 70 by the time I get there.
So I'm looking at another 30 years of work.

I won't have children. So, aside from annual leave allowance and unless I take unpaid sabbatical, the coming 30 years is just a long old unbroken stretch of sameness.

While parental leave is very hard work, it's still a fracture and change in that monotony of a long working life. Without the prospect of children, and so without the prospect of that change, working life feels long and overwhelming.

I know I could change jobs but that's not my point. I quite like my job. Even if I did change jobs, the fundamental is still the same - 9 to 5, week after week, month after month for the next thirty years with nothing different, no temporary change, on the horizon.

I wonder how others feel about this and cope with it?

That's good for you - but not everyone has the same experience when it comes to mat leave, so you are aware!

I'm sorry but when someone posts about how hard done by they are for not having parental leave breaks, they are inviting comments from parents!

Most of mat leave is very poorly paid and then once you go back to work you have to pay an eye watering proportion of your net income in childcare fees.

If you're child free and desperate for a break, try calculating how much worse off you'd be each month if you were on mat leave or paying for nursery and put some of that money aside each month. You'll soon have enough saved up to give yourself a sabbatical. Many employers will hold your job open for this if you're any good.

Oh really? I wasn't aware

@Yazzi your post implies everyone's experience is the same as yours?

"My mat leaves were busy times, but something completely different (and personally- wonderful and and filled with fun,"

@Yazzi You omitted this part -

"I don't know why people have to act like all of life is relentlessly hard and miserable"

I worked FT from 20-42 (when I had my baby). So I've worked longer than you... during that time I made sure I put ££ into my pension and enjoyed plenty of holidays while I could!

It's totally normal to want to take a break/ make changes to your work/ life but you're being a bit unfair to make out that women who've had children have had 'plenty of breaks'. It's not a break having a child it's a change. You can change your life in any way you choose any time you like.

From 20-42 when I was childless, I changed my job several times, worked overseas, went freelance, changed direction... you can do all of those things whenever you like. If you're not sure what you want to do, take some time off or see a life coach and get help to make some changes.

Stop blaming others for your inaction. You have one life OP, go and live it!

Yes because I am saying different people have different experiences, and not everyone has a miserable maternity leave, and many people including me actually enjoy it and remember it fondly. Disbelief that I need to spell that out, and embarrassed to spend this long on it on the childless/free board.

Just felt like everyone telling off OP for daring to state that maternity leave is something different to the day to day monotony of work seemed to take the comment in bad faith. Much as you have mine.

I don't really understand your op....surely this is everyone....most men just get x2 weeks paternity.
I had a year off maternity leave (that I saved for).....loved it! I went back working 24 hours and then increased to 30 hours (I'm now 35)
I had been working full time since I was 21 (then when I was training to be a nurse 18-21 I mostly worked full time and had uni as well as vocational courses you only had 8 weeks AL rather than normal uni hours).

I couldn't do Monday to Friday 9-5, I've always done shift work (covering a 24 hour service) so sometimes I get 6/7 days between shifts without annual leave and I feel that gives me a break and life a little shake up.
Could you not save up (like I did for maternity leave) for unpaid leave?

Change your job/work pattern??

@Yazzi That wasn't how I interpreted your comment so thanks for clarifying. Of course everyone has different experiences and I am glad yours was positive.

My comment to the OP is more that I don't understand why this is an issue. Many women in their mid/late 30s are in the same situation, working for another 30 years, childfree or not!

I get what you mean, OP. It's not about breaks as in 'holiday' or 'time off', and it's nothing to do with the money you 'save' by not having children that you can pay into your pension. It's a break as in a moment of shifted perspective, or tempo, something that almost forces you to reassess where you are, existentially, and whether you want to change track. If you don't have that hiatus of maternity leave it puts the impetus on you to make what can feel like a huge decision mid-stream - that's daunting for a lot of people, me included.

I had a similar moment when my parents died. Taking a brief period off to deal with the probate/grief/house clearance forced me to acknowledge my age, where I was in life, who I was going to be in this next stage, now it was clear I wasn't going to be a mum like all my friends, and whether the career I've been working at for 25 years was going to continue in its current form. Admittedly, I was able to give that more undivided consideration without a tiny dependent infant occupying every waking and most non-waking hours, but it was still quite a lot to process, and it made me realise how long I'd been avoiding thinking about it.

So no brilliant answers, but definitely sympathy!

I take 6 months to a year off every 5 years or so. Sometimes that comes in the form of a sabbatical, sometimes I just quit my job.

It means I've not got as much saved for the future as I might have otherwise, but I've also walked into a job with a much higher wage at the end of it every time.

@DidYerAye absolutely.

If you wanted children, the realisation that it's not going to happen is an existential crisis. The road you thought you were travelling is blocked and you have to decide which direction you're going to go instead.

And those saying "just take a sabbatical/unpaid leave haven't got a clue how difficult those things can be to get especially when you don't have children!

And those saying "just take a sabbatical/unpaid leave haven't got a clue how difficult those things can be to get especially when you don't have children!

Indeed. My employer - extremely family friendly - doesn't allow people to take sabbaticals unless you're doing something ridiculously impressive that will reflect well on them. I also don't know a single childless person who's successfully been granted unpaid leave - it's always "business need". Unpaid parental leave is never an issue though.

😅Absolutely

@DidYerAye

I get what you mean, OP. It's not about breaks as in 'holiday' or 'time off', and it's nothing to do with the money you 'save' by not having children that you can pay into your pension. It's a break as in a moment of shifted perspective, or tempo, something that almost forces you to reassess where you are, existentially, and whether you want to change track. If you don't have that hiatus of maternity leave it puts the impetus on you to make what can feel like a huge decision mid-stream - that's daunting for a lot of people, me included

Thank you so much, this is a really articulate of putting it.

Having done both, I would consider my doctorate much more of a time of opting out of the tedium, demands and repetitiveness of work and of having time that was really for me than my maternity leaves! Three years of working on and thinking about a project that's all yours in an area that you find fascinating is a luxury that very few get. I don't think there's any need to get competitive about when various posters started work, but I think there is something here OP about counting your own blessings and advantages rather than looking at everyone else's.

It is the only negative of being childfree. I've worked full time now for almost 30 years with no break other than holidays, absolutely no prospect of retiring for at least 12 years. I am tired and burnt out, but there is no escape.

I get that giving birth to and looking after a baby is not a holiday, but it's an opportunity to do something different, and not be stuck in an office or other work environment, not be subject to appraisals and so on, with complete protection of your existing job.

The issue here isn't taking a parental leave break - it's about having a fulfilling and varied life outside of work.

Many people who take parental leave will still be working 30/35 year stints after children, so it really isn't about the parental leave 'break.

@randomfemthinker - you are comparing maternity leave to writing a book. Really??

That's because unpaid parental leave is legal right. You get 18 weeks of unpaid leave per child until they turn 18.

The only negative of being childfree is that you don't get PARENTAL leave... right...

The OP asked how childfree people are coping - so I have answered, giving my feelings and experience. I don't think it's for other posters to make assumptions about whether my life is varied and fulfilled outside work.

If I have to work to state retirement age, my continuous stint will be 47 years. 30/35 years may be a long time but it's still a heck of a lot shorter than 47 years,

@musixa I was not making any assumptions so apologies if it came across that way. I was simply saying by having a varied and fulfilled life, the long working years will feel less so. I did not mean to offend.

Yes 30/35 years isn't as long as 47, but I don't think max 2 years on maternity leave amounts to much on the grand scheme of things.

That being said I appreciate variety is the spice of life, life would be dull if all we did was work, and would also be dull if one spent the entire time on maternity leave, hence balance/variety is key.