How are you coping with a long working life with no parental leave breaks?

[SorryAswad]

I've been working since I was 25.
I'm now 40.
Retirement age is likely to be at least 70 by the time I get there.
So I'm looking at another 30 years of work.

I won't have children. So, aside from annual leave allowance and unless I take unpaid sabbatical, the coming 30 years is just a long old unbroken stretch of sameness.

While parental leave is very hard work, it's still a fracture and change in that monotony of a long working life. Without the prospect of children, and so without the prospect of that change, working life feels long and overwhelming.

I know I could change jobs but that's not my point. I quite like my job. Even if I did change jobs, the fundamental is still the same - 9 to 5, week after week, month after month for the next thirty years with nothing different, no temporary change, on the horizon.

I wonder how others feel about this and cope with it?

Many jobs will only pay statutory mat pay and kids are expensive, especially if you don’t have family help with childcare. If you can’t afford to take a planned unpaid leave you won’t be able to afford maternity leave either….

Thanks for all your comments. I'm absolutely not at all resentful of "breeders" (what a horrible word) and I obviously completely support good maternity benefits. I've never suggested otherwise.

To be honest, I'm not sure I'd ever come back if I did a sabbatical 😅

I found mat leave deeply boring once the horrible stressful, sleepless part was over, and was keen to go back to work. It wasn't a break at all, you can't do what you want - your life revolves around caring for a baby. And you become the default for housework and life admin which then continues once you're back at work, unless you make a big fuss about your DP taking back his share (which I did).

Does the company you work for offer sabbaticals? We've had a few people take them since Covid... none have come back though 😂

I retrained in a different skill in my 30s and now I’m self employed, can choose my own hours etc. So much better than the Mon-Fri 9-5 life.

True, but those same people likely wouldn’t be able to afford parental leave either, or the subsequent huge expense of childcare. A few months of unpaid leave is not usually going to be more expensive than parental leave and childcare overall (yes I know some people have some fully paid parental leave but many many don’t, and childcare, followed by a couple of decades of raising children and university costs etc is typically a huge expense too).

Re. OP starting work at 25 they will obviously answer for themselves but I’m guessing it’s because she was at Uni doing various degrees between 18 and 25 but she did part-time or holiday work alongside her studies?

I had part-time Jobs since age 17. Graduated at 22 then went to volunteer abroad for a year and came back and started working full-time at 23.

Could you save and take some time off? I’ve had two mat leaves and you’re right it’s very much a change of pace and mindset.

taking a six month complete break to do something just for you would be awesome - how much would you need to save? You might find running the numbers helps

Agreed they said it - called themselves breeders. If that's all they consider they are who are we to argue.

I've been working since I was 25.
I'm now 40.
Retirement age is likely to be at least 70 by the time I get there.
So I'm looking at another 30 years of work.

I started full time work at 22y.
I started PT work at 17y.
I'm now 51y.
I have had one child, 22 years ago.
I had one period of maternity leave - it was 16 weeks back then, so 4 months off.

The only other 'longish' times I've had off are sick leave though obviously not as long as the 16 week maternity leave.

It's not like when you're in maternity leave you can just do your own thing for 6-12 months, is it? You're caring for a newborn baby who can't do anything for itself and often on restricted sleep. Not always when you're fully at your best either - I had a c section so first few weeks (back then nearly a third of my time off) i wasn't even able to just get up and go for a walk or drive as easily either.

In terms of the feeling OP, I do sometimes feel like that. I started FT work at 18 and also see retirement at 70.

I think its important to have some fulfilling things in life that work enables. Like friendships, or using the skills you have in a hobby or a volunteer role. Planning things you enjoy at regular intervals. Also, really silly thing, like take a different route to work, have a different lunch, use your annual leave differently.

Just to focus on this point, I’ve had a couple of periods of three months off.

The first time I went back to work after that, I cried every night for a week when I got home.

The second time I didn’t cry, but the feelings were there - I just didn’t want all the inconvenience and headache of crying.

so yes - it is incredibly difficult going back after a break but it’s far better than not having the break at all. Think of it as having a downer after having a really good time.

I realise that you obviously might have financial constraints. But without the expense of children, early retirement becomes much more of a possibility. Are you planning for that?

Also I changed jobs quite a lot.

And I did loads of evening activities when I had the energy.

What parental leave breaks? 🙈🤷‍♀️. Don’t mean maternity leave? Then yes, that did represent a nice change from work I guess. In terms of other parental leave, we don’t get any…or if we do it’s not paid. All our annual leave (of which we get the same amount as people with no children), as soon as the kids hit 5 years old, is taken up with looking after the kids for us anyway. There is no such thing as a break just for ourselves. Although this will hopefully change as they get older and we are planning a couple of small child free hold next year. Not moaning as we chose this life and love having kids but your post smacks of resentment that people with children somehow get more leave or more breaks from work? We don’t? Unless I’m missing something

I think you’re probably really overestimating how much of a ‘break’ parental leave is.

Of the year off parents are entitled to, only 39 weeks are ‘paid’, and unless your employer is generous in topping that up, it’s only £740 a month for that period (minus the first 6 weeks at 90% pay).

Lots of people will be going back to work early just because the drop in salary makes it not worth it, I certainly have no interest in being on stat mat pay for a second longer than I have to.

realistically, if we assume most people have the average of 2 kids, that’s 2 years max they take out of work, and as you have seen in this thread, you started your own working life much later than many, so you’ve had more time out of the workforce than others who started working straight away and still had kids thrown into the mix!

Super confused

I’ve taken Mat leave twice - for 6/8 months - what break is this you are referring to.

I work in a really demanding job but my Mat leaves both times have been much more stressful - I didn’t get a break! I had to look after a baby - non-stop, 24/7, barely ate or showered. The baby was more demanding and stressful than my toughest client

and I did it on half pay for a few weeks and then no pay

and I’m back in my career and like you I’m looking at doing another 20-25 years in my career - but now my holidays are about caring for my kids so I never get a real break

Take unpaid leave or a sabbatical - my so called parenting leave break that you refer to was mostly unpaid too

Not saying it is a break. But it is a chance to have time away from the workplace,to just have a completely different life for a while. I was looking forward to that. However was unable to conceive.

Sorry, I meant to address this. Yes, I was at university, then did my doctorate, then did some traveling.
I worked throughout all of this but only in part-time, minimum-wage jobs.
When I said I started working at 25, I meant "properly" working.

I’m 48, I’ve worked full time since I was 21. Had around a six week break between jobs when I was about 37, and then six months when I was 41. The six months was three of not looking for work because I wanted a break, two of looking and not finding anything, and one of waiting for background checks etc before I could start. The three would have been plenty- the two when I was looking for work were boring and stressful because I was so conscious of not having a future source of income. With hindsight I could well afford it because I’d been on a good contract day rate for a few years, but obviously at the time I didn’t know how long it would last.

So it may not be helpful, but the solution is to earn enough that you can support yourself to take time out occasionally.

You can ask for it. Whether it will be granted is another question.

There’s nothing stopping you taking a sabbatical - it will probably pay the same as most people’s mat leave ie nothing or not much

You don’t need to explain yourself

it was obvious why you started work at 25, and silly that others are making it a completion

Make financial plans that will allow you to work part time at some stage, and get out before the 'work til you drop retirement age'. Depending on your circumstances that may be more realistic to plan in a few years. Early years money tends to be eaten up with just living.
Does you work offer training courses? That may break up the day to day grind.
Tactical use of holiday allowance - a few days added to bank holidays to extend time off without using up all your allowance.
Are you in a position to do the odd day from home?
I think break it up into manageable chunks, if at all possible.

25? Lucky you. I started work at 17, and worked full time up until 3 years ago with no parental leave breaks. I'm nearly 58. I never wanted kids so I'm relieved I should be able to retire early as I've been paying into a pension of some sort most of my life and not had to spend money on expensive kids tbh.

I took unpaid leave and, with time, went freelance. I spend the weekends doing what I want to do without worrying about children's birthday parties, ferrying them to activities, or seeing friends.

You should consider going part-time, OP. Even going down to four days per week makes a huge difference in terms of the balance of your week between work and leisure time and will make you feel like you have more time for you and not on the work treadmill. If you can afford it, why not ask - it’s become easier than ever to request flexible working and employers seem much more willing to consider alternative working patterns now.

You didn't come across resentful at all OP, I'm not sure what that poster is on about. I've taken 2 x 12 months of mat leave and while it wasn't restful by any means, it was a very welcome change of pace and scenery, and I was motivated entirely by love for my (tiny, tyrannical) boss, rather than by fear or by a need to pay the bills, which was a pleasantly different way to work. But there was a lot of monotony, and in some ways less freedom than I had at work. And of course, it's a 24/7 job.

Also, just from the mat leave (i.e. ignoring the longer term effects of having children), our finances took a massive hit. My pension and career progression will be adversely affected.

My friend will probably not have children. She recently took 6 months off from her very stressful job to go to Canada. She did odd jobs, barwork etc, and travelled around, went hiking, skydiving, took art classes. In many ways more of a break than my mat leave was.

I think it's 6 of one and half a dozen of another 🤷🏽‍♀️