How are you coping with a long working life with no parental leave breaks?

[SorryAswad]

I've been working since I was 25.
I'm now 40.
Retirement age is likely to be at least 70 by the time I get there.
So I'm looking at another 30 years of work.

I won't have children. So, aside from annual leave allowance and unless I take unpaid sabbatical, the coming 30 years is just a long old unbroken stretch of sameness.

While parental leave is very hard work, it's still a fracture and change in that monotony of a long working life. Without the prospect of children, and so without the prospect of that change, working life feels long and overwhelming.

I know I could change jobs but that's not my point. I quite like my job. Even if I did change jobs, the fundamental is still the same - 9 to 5, week after week, month after month for the next thirty years with nothing different, no temporary change, on the horizon.

I wonder how others feel about this and cope with it?

Unless you have a ton of kids I don’t think there’s much difference. I have one child. I had a year off work. Been back 8 years and certainly don’t feel any different to you in terms of what’s stretching ahead.

you don’t get full pay on Mat leave so if you really wanted to you could try and save up to recreate 6 month off if you want - but I doubt it’d make much difference.

why don’t you go and work abroad or something? Or just treat work as something you do to live life as I do.

Yep I feel it! I’m going to take a 2-3 month unpaid sabbatical so I can do some travelling and have some time off the work conveyor belt to think what I actually want from life.

Also exploring options around creating my own business as I don’t want to work 9-5 in someone else’s business until the government decides I can retire. Yes, self-employment comes with less stability and more risk but when I’m only looking out for myself, I can take more risk.

I get that working life can feel long. What is stopping you taking an unpaid sabbatical? You could then travel or do a new qualification. Or going down to 4 days a week and doing something different on your day off (a new hobby, volunteering, having long weekends for getaways etc)? You have a lot more freedom to do this kind of thing without kids and yes you'd be taking a pay cut but probably still a lot less than the impact of having kids! Anyone can request flexible working and your company may be very open to a sabbatical if the alternative is losing you. Otherwise you could leave and take time out before finding another. You can then do this every few years.

If I don't have kids then I would think about doing things like this to keep things interesting.

Depending on your job, there may also be opportunities to do contract work. I know people in my field who just do short term contracts (covering mat leaves etc) and then take off a couple of months between each contract to travel etc.

The world is your oyster! I hope you find something that feels fulfilling!

I've been working since I was 25
I've been working since I was 16.

I think that your post exhibits an unhealthy focus on other people and their decisions.

People who have kids experience a huge drop in their discretionary income and quality of life. Sure that's their decision, but you have decided not to have kids and to enjoy the benefits and costs involved in that decision. There are extremely valid public policy reasons to provide maternity leave benefits. Just like I pay shitloads more in tax than other people because I am a high earner. I really don't think or complain about it.

Rather than being resentful of breeders, you could just suck it up and take a similar financial hit with career leave or a sabbatical. These are all decisions you are making.

Holidays I guess. Holidays you could never do with children.

Spending weekends doing things I want to do - days out, galleries, etc without having to spend weekends ferrying kids to and from activities and birthday parties.

In fact over the weekend I did go and see a display at a tourist attraction, those with kids were keeping them entertained and their incessant whines for more food and to be bought stuff. You can go away without that.

Parental leave isn't a jolly I'm sure. You don't get up in the morning to free time...it's time to be a mum.

Surely men have been doing this since forever?

The answer should be a sabbatical, using the money you've saved on not using childcare, but without the guarantee of a job being held open for you for a year it's a scary choice to make.

Ps I have been working since I was 15 and all I had was one measley year off for mat leave (plus some uni - but worked through most of that too). I'm 44!

I had a former work colleague who has one child but he’s adopted so I guess she didn’t get much time off for adoption leave?

I don’t know if it’s deliberate but she took about 4-6 months off on sick leave every year 3 years in a row. I’m on her social media and she always seemed to be enjoying herself very much while she’s off.

I’m not saying that’s the answer or advising anyone to do that but I wonder if she feels that’s her way of clawing some time back since she never got her 9 or 12 Months off?

Bit off topic, but a bit unfair that adoptive parents don’t get maternity leave.

I left a perm role at 34 and contracted for three years- worked 6-12 month contracts then travelled a month then found the next contact (appreciate I am lucky to have transferrable skills in demand and to live in a city with opportunity).
After that worked 8 years and made redundant, few months off/looking for work, another 4 years made redundant then 5 years retired at 55.
There was some choice in the redundancies but I was bored of the jobs both times and it gave me a push to change things.
So answer for me was to build in some unpaid breaks and travel, and change industry to keep things interesting. Grateful I retired at 55 though (had been long planned and saved for).

Its life.

My parents / grandparents started working at 15 through to 65 (men).

I started work at 18 and will likely work to 60 as I have set aside private pension money to cover more of the gap to 67.

Starting work at 25 you are already 7 years behind so working to 70 gives you 45 years which is about right.

If you have a private pension, you can cover a gap of earlier retirement.

I know what you mean OP.

I've been working since I was 14, I can retire at 60 (public sector) but will likely still need a part time job.

Would love to take a career break but as a single person I simply can't afford it!

Started work at 18 and was lucky enough to be able to retire at 58. No maternity breaks and no chance of going part time, It had all started to feel a bit relentless.

Whether I have kids or not I won’t lie but my hope is to find a partner and take a year off regardless.

Not sure if that’s anti-feminist or whatever lol but I’ve seen so many of my friends be supported by their partners to take some time off and it’s definitely something I’d like to do.

I wouldn’t just do nothing on my year off though, I’d work on my creative career.

Why can’t you take a Sabbatical?

Maternity Leave isn’t really a break. I don’t think someone who has to work 50 odd years feels the grind is less relentless because at some point in their half a century of working they had 9-12 months ‘off’ to look after a baby.

I think a childfree employee who has worked for that period of time is likely, cumulatively, to have experienced more breaks (or at least relaxing breaks) during their career than someone with children.

I have colleagues who have worked since they were 16. They are now in their mid to late fifties and have to continue working for some time to come so they can support their children at university. If you are child free and debt free you can stop working or work fewer hours a lot earlier than others.

You can take unpaid leave. It doesn’t have to be big blocks of it.

Adoption leave is the same as maternity leave. Why would you think it wasn't?

(Dipping in as this popped up in my convos)
sweet everyone I know who has adopted struggles with behavioural issues and special needs. They're mostly broken by the lack of help. That mum will be at the end of her tether. Everyone's social media looks glossier than the reality.

Those saying to just take unpaid leave - not everyone is lucky enough to be able to afford this.

Surely not having children opens up a lot more options for you to take some kind of leave or career adjustment?

Maternity, paternity or parental leave are tiny blips in the course of a long working life. They also centre on caring for a child, not on doing whatever you want. It's just another form of work in many ways, really.

I assumed it was the same as mat leave, but then I was told by an adoptive mother on MN on another thread not long ago, that it was only a month or so and we had a discussion on how unfair that was.

I’ve just googled and seen that’s not the case and it IS the same as mat leave after all. How strange!

Wonder if the rules have changed recently or at least since she adopted her kid. Glad to hear it anyway!

How did you only start working at 25?! I started working at 15. In the scheme of a career, 1-2 maternity leaves of 9-12 months is nothing. Could you not save up in order to take a career break/unpaid leave? That's what most people who take maternity leave do, as most of it isn't full pay.

I do understand where you are coming from, but I have known several people save and undertake a sabbatical to do something fun, or just decide to go part time or do a more flexible job.

Whilst I appreciate it is unpaid, not all of parental leave is paid or indeed paid well if it is paid.

You know what I think you’re right. I recall her child struggling a lot at school academically and socially and has some medical developmental issues, stemming from the first few years of their life. She is also a single parent although her ex does co-parent fairly well.

Well Mat Leave isn’t a walk in the park - I’d rather be working, lol. I have twice now taken voluntary redundancy and taken a few months off from my career - I recommend it if you can. I did extra study the first time and it was great.