If you have CHOSEN to not have children ...

[canttellyouwhereorwhatido]

Have you ever fallen pregnant by accident ?

I am staggered by the amount of MN who have had accidental pregnancies and am trying to understand how this happened. Are you regularly aborting because the contraceptive options are so unreliable ? Or is this a cop out for those who want babies but partners not keen and manipulating the situation as an 'oops' ... sorry about that but I don't believe in termination ?

If it is unreliable contraception . Are the failure rates simply lies made up by the manufacturer ? If so, something needs to be done to ensure more reliable contraception. I am assuming here that child free couples have just as much (imagine a LOT more ) sex than those with kids ... OR is it as simple as , 'it's no good just having the pill/condom/ diaphragm etc if you don't use it according to manufacturer's instructions ?

I’ve reported your post. I am not “the usual windup merchant” whoever that is, in your view. I was not “looking for a fight”. I still think the original comment about maternity leave and the subsequent one about doing other families a favour by offering a child for adoption before taking the maternity leave is tone deaf on a site set up for parents to support one another.

I’m not “hard of thinking”, I’m not “at the back” these are slurs, and I’ve reported these personal attacks @MrsDanversGlidesAgain

I'm getting tired of being told I am cold-hearted. I am not cold-hearted. My family - husband, sister, parents - and my cats get all the love in the world from me; I'd die to protect them, e.g. if the house we were in was on fire.

However, I don't have to 'parent' any of them. It doesn't matter to them if I can't get up and dressed at the weekend because I'm so burnt out from a week of having to interact with people at work. If I binge drink or chain smoke, they're not going to copy me. If I go into a manic state over something and temporarily 'forget' about them, it isn't going to scar them for life.

I find you really offensive

My SIL had an unexpected pregnancy because her Mirena didn't take or fell out of place. That was her fifth son.

My close friend had an unexpected pregnancy on the pill. Took it correctly (I trust her, she's the type).

I had an unexpected pregnancy using pull out method, out of my ordinary fertile window, when my husband is clinically infertile and I have sub-fertility. It was an enormous shock!

I would nonetheless agree that many unplanned pregnancies are the fact that over decades of having sex people have periods of laxity with contraception; human error exists and isn't necessarily in bad faith even though some here appear determined to believe otherwise.

Let's not have another thread descent into madness.

I see post popped between what this was meant for. Soz!

100% agree with all of this.

CFBC (for now/fence sitter) and never fallen pregnant. Normal use of the pill, as in I'm careful but not obsessive. I started a thread recently asking what made women decide to try for their first baby. At least 50% of the replies were that it was an accident, they weren't trying (yet most also weren't using contraception 🤪). I did think that was surprising, given that contraception is statistically so reliable and my own experience backs that up.

Ffs

I am strongly, passionately pro choice

But the very idea that having a baby and giving them up for adoption is more cold hearted than having an abortion 😲

What the fuck happened to "your body your choice" and when did people start trying to socially shame others into abortions...

Always. Fucking always.

I know one person who had a genuine accident.

I know lots of people who claimed accidents as their reason to default on parenting.

It was the “so I could take advantage of the maternity leave” comment that I found galling. I am also pro choice. The poster then compounded it by saying adoption would help desperate families. That is not the point or purpose of adoption.

Never been pregnant, now mid forties.

I was extremely careful, went on the pill,then later the injection and subsequently mirena. If there was any risk, I took the morning after pill.

Contraception can fail but with proper use it is very rare. I think a huge number of accidental pregnancies aren't 100% accidental. Ranging from deliberate to a bit careless or complacent. There are also some that result from poor advice regarding medication interactions.

Never

So you are pro choice but you don't want women who accidentally get pregnant and give the baby up for adoption to be able to take maternity leave?

Because what, they should be punished for accidentally getting pregnant and not wanting to be a parent?

Do women who have had a stillbirth get maternity leave in your world? Is it just women who have given birth and given the baby up for adoption who are forced back into work the very next day with all of the birth injuries and possible pnd etc that any woman who has been through childbirth can suffer?

And as for the whole adoption not being there to help people who want to have family, again, by berating her for thinking this you are essentially telling her her two options are abortion or being a parent. When a third legal option exists which doesn't force someone into a medical procedure they don't want.

Her body her choice is always her body her choice or else you aren't actually pro choice. You are pro abortion and that's not the same thing at all.

You accuse others of being cold hearted but bloody hell your comments 😲

It would be interesting to know how many people taking the "skinny jabs" are aware these can possibly lower the effectiveness of oral contraceptive (it's being discussed and pools in studies showing possibly not were very little. It usually runs with side effects like d&v obviously). I am still shocked how many people didn't know about antibiotics😯

I can never believe just how many posts on here talk about accidental pregnancies or surprise pregnancies.

I only 1 woman that has had accidents, 2 in fact. The first one she tried to get her partner to marry her but he in fact left her. The second time she got pregnant 3 months after meeting the man. He did marry her though.

Strangely enough 14 years on she has never had another accident!

Careful, @dimllaishebiaith I've been deleted for less.

Never been pregnant. Never wanted to be.

Absolutely! I was given antibiotics and never told about the risk to contraception.

I brought it up because it was a storyline I remembered from Neighbours and the GP looked a bit surprised and said "oh yes, that is a risk".

Anyway I agree with PPs saying what's considered "planned" or "unplanned" is very blurred for many people.

@Sauerkrautsandwich @Raccaccoonie most antibiotics are actually fine, the advice has changed. It's really only antibiotics like rifampicin that can reduce efficacy, your bog standard fluclox etc are fine.

That's good to know. This was some time ago as you might imagine!

Iirc the leaflets for antibiotics mention the contradiction alongside other medicine ones. I think doctors should really be reminding people to read them. It's not like they are the lenghts of paypal t&cs. They also have in when and who should not take them so it's important to check😶

I asked why people post these cold hearted views on a forum set up for parents to support one another. That’s the purpose of mumsnet.

🙄🤷‍♀️🤔🤯