Leaving money to nieces and nephews - MNers without children forum

[KimberleyClark]

There’s a thread in progress on this topic. Was just wondering how many of you have siblings that are expecting their children to inherit from you? My sibling has told me not to leave anything to DN but I suspect he may be unusual in this.

But @veryfondoftea some people really are quite wealthy and their siblings have a good idea that they are. So assume there will be money to inherit.

Not every elderly person needs a care home. My dad was quite unwell for his last 5 or so years (so didn't spend much) but never actually needed a care home.

Plus there is always the chance that people who have saved for a long happy retirement get some illness in their 60s which cuts their life short. So who gets the house and pension pot then?

The previous poster with a sister angling for money for her kids now should definitely NOT tell her sister that the poster's will leaves a lot of money to charity. That will just increase the attempts to persuade her to give money away now.

@Choux
I am still of the opinion that it is best not to plan your life on the basis of any inheritance. If it does happen then it's a nice bonus but the likelihood of it all being swallowed up by care home fees is high.

I don’t expect anything from DBro as he’s married (and hopefully he will have kids eventually, he’s not childfree by choice and would make a great dad).

But if he doesn’t have kids, and his wife also predeceases him, I’m not sure who else he’d leave it to except DS? If DH and DS predecease me, DBro will inherit my estate. Surely it’s normal for siblings to inherit if there’s no spouse or children to leave it to?

I also have nieces and nephews who I only see if I make the effort to haul ass, some I haven't seen for years (and never got a word of thanks or acknowledgement for years of birthday and Christmas presents, which have now stopped); by (probably no) coincidence, I also have an avaricious sibling who knows better than to openly mention inheritance but I'm pretty sure is depending upon on it.

The kids are 'travelling' (holidaying around the world) and, in their late 20's, haven't worked at all. I really do get the feeling they're waiting for Aunty to pop off so they can settle down in the style to which they wish to become accustomed...

The ingratitude is bad enough, but it's the sense of entitlement that really sticks in my craw. You remind me that I really need to crack on with making my will, and have a few charities already in mind... I think my sibling's family think they are a charity... 😁

One of my childfree aunts has helped me out in the past so it only seems fair to pay it forward.

Maybe a charity/charities close to his heart? Or friends?

I suppose it would depend on your family, but we’re close and so that would seem really odd given our relationship. Friends are just not as close as family.

Equally I wouldn’t dream of leaving my estate to anyone except him and his potential future children, if DH and DS were no longer around. As far as I know, our mum has left everything to her nieces if we all die before her. Just how our family is.

Similarly DH is NOT particularly close to his sister, is much closer to his friends, but still wouldn’t leave his estate to anyone else except her and DN if DS and I died, because regardless of whether he gets on with her, she’s still his sister.

I have certainly prioritised those to whom I’m close rather than those who happen to be related to me. I’m not going to leave my hard-earned money to someone I don’t see often and don’t particularly like, simply because they’re family, when I could leave it to people who’ve had a hugely positive impact on my life.

Of course they don’t if they haven’t had a good relationship.

my childless siblings are not old, in their 39s so that may change and I just haven’t thought about it. I guess it would go to partners where they are in a stable relationship, but I think in one of my sisters will a few years ago a chunk of it came to the nieces and nephews, I don’t really remember. Is expecting your children to inherit from siblings really a thing?

Your first sentence should have read “of course they don’t.” and stopped there. It doesn’t matter the quality of the relationship, childfree/childless relatives have no duty to financially support or provide for family members. End of. The expectation that they’ve no one else to spend their money on, or to bequeath it to, is revolting.

Easy tiger. No, there is no duty. But many people prefer to give their money when they die to family. They feel that’s the right thing to do. And you don’t get to tell all those people it’s wrong. Of course no one has to leave money in their will to nieces or nephews or their own adult children and possibly even their own spouse, not sure about the legal obligations there. But many many people want to, because it’s family. If they’ve made that clear and understood then it’s perfectly reasonable for said family to believe them. Mumsnet has so many threads where someone says mum showed me her will and she was splitting things equally between my sister and I, dh and I disagree on spending it. And someone jumps in and says you’re disgusting expecting the money your mum promised you.

ehh, not quite my point.

You stated that “of course they don’t if they haven’t had a good relationship” in relation to childless people having a duty to continually fork out to family. And that’s the point I jumped on, because it doesn’t matter if the relationship had been wonderful, they still don’t have any duty to provide for/to family. If they wish to do so, that’s of course fine and I’m really not sure why you implied I’m telling people what they wish to do with their assets is wrong- quite the opposite, in every single inheritance thread on here i post that people can do what they wish with their assets.

The expectation of an inheritance without any discussion, the assumptions that people have no one else to leave their assets to except family, is what I find disgusting. One poster here earlier stated that she didn’t know who her sibling might leave his estate to, if not her kids. Zero thought given to the many other non-related people who might be close and important to him, as far as she was concerned it’d be going to her kids, cos ‘family’. That assumption is what’s disgusting.

I am not NC with my sister, but we never speak (apart from texts on birthdays and christmas), and I would not recognise my nephews in the street.

I have nothing to leave anyway.

With the house and savings, prob have around a million to leave. Have 2 dn through bil and sil who we never hear from, they are always just written on parents bday and Xmas cards. DH speaks daily to BIL. The dn will inherit a property each from parents. We’re leaving the kids £10k each BIL £50k for dealing withe estate and clearing the house. The rest is going to St Christopher’s, which is a local hospice. That way the charity will get majority money instead of the taxman getting a hefty slice.

I am childfree. As my only sibling tried to cheat me out of the inheritance I was to receive from my father (unsuccessfully, though I had to wait over a decade to receive it), I won’t be leaving his kids anything. I’ve had no contact with him, his wife, or my niece and nephew for almost 15 years, as I told him I was not having anything to do with a thief. His rationale for trying to swindle me was he should have received all of my dad’s estate because he had a family and I didn’t. That’s not what my dad’s will specified whatsoever. We live in different countries, so I guess he thought he could get away with cheating me. He then told me when he had to give me the money that he was disabled (a baldfaced lie) and that meant he didn’t get around to getting me my money for 11 years.

He ended up having to sell my dad’s house due to financial issues, and then there were questions from his lawyer why it wasn’t sold right after my father died, so I ended up with the money from the sale after that large delay. To be fair, the money came at a good time and helped fund my earlier retirement, so the universe has a way of justice about her, that is for sure.

My will dictates everything is left to DH if I predecease him, and if he predeceases me, most of the estate goes to one charity, and a few specific items go to another. If things would have been different, I would have loved to give my niece and nephew the money, but I don’t know them as I didn’t watch them grow up.

My brother is also childfree by choice to no option there! He's 8 years younger than me so I'll just leave it all to him.

I've got no close relatives at all! Mum, dad and my brother are all dead. So my money/house is going to the orangutans in Borneo. I hope they move in and have a ball!

I'm oldest of my siblings & only one with kids. I've never discussed with them & don't plan to, no expectations of them doing anything other than spending their money on their own comfort. I honestly don't think it will have occurred to my kids to consider it.

When my own childless uncle passes away it will be the last thing on my mind.

I don't have any - my sister wanted children but couldn't have them. If I had any, I don't think they would be an automatic choice to inherit - it would depend whether I liked them as people.

My childless/free (she hasn't volunteered the info and I think it's moving from the former to the latter) sister is extremely close to her nieces and nephews.

I hope I never know what her will says, because I can't bear the idea of her dying before me!

She has given my children so much in life through quality time and love and presence, she should do anything she likes with her money.