childminder taking me to court!

[salsabunny]

Hi, Any advice please on my situation would be really appriciated, am so stressed here. I'm a young mum on a quite a low income and my 6 year old son hasn't been happy at childminders for a while having tummyaches when he has to go there.

He told me she has been force feeding him which explains his recently refusing to eat at home and school. Also there are several other exaples of very bad care that have happened that I prob shouldn't go into due to confidentiality. He has been very upset on at least 3 occasions because of how he is treated there.

Basically I felt i needed to stop sending him immidiatly causing a big nightmare for myslf with regard to work ect. I said I'm not happy with the care she provides and she denied everything and threatened me that if I don't pay her notice (even though she won't look after him in that time) she will take me to court.

She has sent me a solicitors letter already She is demanding £500 for nothing after she has mistreated my child. I worte back offereing her half but she refused. After reading some other similar posts it looks like I'm going to get nowhere with this????

I'm already out of pocket with missing work and now paying my sister to come and look after him (my sister lives 60 miles away from me so i'm paying her petrol each day).

I have no faith a complaint to OFTED will be of any use at all (She'll get away with doing this to other children too!) and I think the courts will just force me to pay anyway. Do you think I should just use my savings I keep for emergencies and just pay her off - this is making me ill I'm getting migraines and being sick every day i'm so steressed that shes doing this and lying

I'm really scared of being taken to court.

Please, any help?

'Unfortunately CMing prob attracts bullying weirdos with no concience (sorry sp?) as there's noone else there to keep an eye on what they're doing.'

What an awful thing to say!!! I left a well-paid, well positioned, high-flying job in publishing to become a CM... not because I am a mum (I am not), not because of the job status (haha... many folk don't even think we are professionals) it's because I LOVE working with children.

I (and other CMs who work very hard in ensuring children have the best childhood they possibly can have) take exception to your inflammatory statement

To the original poster, StillSquiffy's advice is good So sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you find a fab CM soon!

carrot girl

evidence please

I have read the whole post and think you have had some really good advice here.

I am a childminder and as a self-employed person I have a 4 week notice period which I have had on one occasion to write several letters getting increasingly forceful to get.

I have to say that as a cm I am terrified of false allegations as children don't always tell the truth. My step-son once told my husband his mum put him on the roof with only juice as a punishment! There are things you listen to and monitor and there are others you take with a pinch of salt.

You know your child and sound like you are being sensible and have several incidents to take into account. I realise finding childcare can be difficult but I think I would have given her notice when I got unsatifactory answers to my questions and looked for someone else. I don't have any experience of complaints to Ofsted but they are very hot when inspected that you give your parnets information about how to complain so I guess they'd take it seriously if you did. I also agree that if you are concerned about abuse it is breech of contract but the fact that you didn't report it until after you had given notice doesn't look good for you.

Food can definately be an emotional subject, my newest mindee is 18 months old and is not a good eater. Her previous childminder openly force fed her- holding her hands down and head still until she opened her mouth. She claimed to me (once she knew I was going to have her) and her mum that once she realised she had to eat it she would continue without any problems. There is definately a control issue with this child and eating but I would never force feed her. It is frustrating sometimes at meal times when she just doesn't like the look of something but that's kids, you persevere and try it again next time. I am of the opinion that children will eat when hungry and as long as you don't give them a unsuitable alternative they will find something that they like. My stepson was a very fussy eater but has slowly increased what he will eat with persistance, he still only eats what he calls kids food at his mums (burgers, fish fingers, chicken nuggets mainly with chips) but when he's with us he tries lots. Have had times with him where he has sat at the table for 30mins+ when his Dad and I have asked him to have one forkful of something just to try it and then it really becomes a battle of wills

I had an incident with my childminder before I started minding when I had already given her notice. She was not happy that I knew I planned to childmind but hadn't told her so she could fill DS place, I didn't know when I was starting and didn't want to loose his place. As soon as I had a contract signed I gave my work a months notice and the childminders at the same time. On the week before the last of our notice period I picked my son up to find him with what looked like a bite mark on his cheek. She told me he had got into a tantrum over the snack she had provided him and he pinched himself repeatedly. When I got home I realised without a doubt he was bitten, 4 seperate lines at top and bottom in 2 semi-circles. I rang and talked to her, repeated several times that I understood that children bit each other and it wasn't the bite that was the problem but I just wanted to know what happened. My son had never before and has never since had a vaguely similar tantrum. I felt that I could no longer trust the childminder and not that I thought she had hurt him deliberately. I was lucky that there was only a week left and my mum had leave to take to have DS. I will never know what happened but am certain she lied for some reason.

Good luck with your complaint and payment, I hope that you can find a lovely childminder who will retore your faith in the profession and that your son will be very happy with. Sorry that ended up being very long!

Right, had my own (horrible) day in court recently and it still wasnt sorted [angry[, but anyway..it did help me understand more about situations like this..

Q. Did you follow up your termination of contract in writing?
..becuase you terminated the contract because YOU were unhappy with the level of care your child was recieving is better for you than her cancelling then you bringing up these problems at a later date. You MUST document EVERYTHING that has happend, conversations, texts and also witness' plus witness statements if theyre prepared to help.
On the back on the ncma contracts it states " settling in period - during this time no notice period orpayment will be required if either party wishes to end the agreement (might be getting confused with another poster, where you in settling in period?)...it also states "in ordinary circumstances both the childminder and parents should serve the approprite period of notice. if the parent or childs behaviour becomes such that the safety and well being of the childminder and their children or the children in their care are threatend the childminder may terminate the contract without notice.."..so im assuming boot being on the other foot, becuase YOU felt YOUR child was at risk by being in HER care, then you terminated with immediate effect

my case is opposite way to you , but i can see you are genuine, so stick to your guns..if shes with ncma and gets legal cover from them, then her contract has to stand and you can re iterate WHY you felt you couldnt send your child back..best of luck

I to have had serious problems with my cm. My 4 year old son had been displaying behavioural problems, these were easily dealt with at home & nursery but cm reported his behaviour was irrational. He was assesed by a psychologist twice who could find no behavioual issues, then my son started to disclose that her son aged 11 and another 10 yr old boy who she looks after had hit him and often kept a hold of him so he couldn't move. I attempted to address this with the cm who insisted it was just 'carrying on' I tried to explain this was really upsetting my son and she said she would deal with it. Her sollution was not to allow the other children to talk or play with my son. I have now discovered other instances of her shouting at him and punishing him for getting jpseg. The other children have been calling him stupid. I gave her 4 wk written notice explaining my reasons - her response was that she will not have him again S he is telling tales! I feel so guilty for not realising what was going on, but trusted her as she had looked after him since he was 9 mths old. I am also therefore not paying her for notice

MM68 - best to create a New Thread if you want people to respond to you about your particular case.

You've given notice, she's decided to no longer provide childcare for your son, so that was her decision. Come to a mutual written agreement to terminate the contract with immediate effect.

Any parent who has concerns about the care of their child should remove them from the situation. I once left a nanny job because the parents used to force feed their 7 year old child. It is a form of bullying and totally unaceptable and yes! if you think this woman has been abusing your child report her. I wish I had reported my ex employer; I hadn't been a nanny for long then and wasn't sure what to do, Now I would report them. But please be sure of your facts, children do sometimes make things up. You know your son best and can judge whether he is telling the truth.

16 years ago I found my first CM for my DS. It lasted a very short period of time. Each day DS would be miserable when taking him into CM and on the last day my dad went to collect DS only to find him sat out in the back garden crying with a bloody face and his pack lunch next to him. The patio door was shut. The CM had been having a domestic with her husband by the looks of it and my son was shut out of the house but had obviously had an accident whilst out there and nobody went to him. We had no idea how long he had been out there but this was around 5pm that dad collected him and his pack lunch had not been eaten.

My dad went straight into the house and got him (the front door was wide open and you could see right through to the patio doors)and I felt like the worst mother in the world for not realising sooner that his grizzling every day was because he was not in a healthy environment and not being cared for. He was around 2 at the time.

I am so biased from that incident.

Surely she is in breach of HER contract. She was being paid to look after a child with care and skill appropriate to such role. Force feeding a child is not looking after a child with care and skill. She was in breach, you terminated. If its contractual issues she's taking issue with, fight fire with fire.

Fruitysunshine- that's such a terrible experience for your ds and your family! I am a cm and I am shocked that your cm behaved in such an unacceptable way. There are so many fantastic childcarer's out there that really care for their mindees, mine are treated like family and I wouldn't dream of behaving in such an unprofessional manner.

lilyr - it is not even about professionalism really, is it? It is about humanity when you can't even offer basic care to a small child.

Fruitysunshine- A professional person should be able to competently provide the service that they are being paid for regardless of their personal situation. Apologies if my choice of word upset you though. It doesn't change things for you, but 16 years ago childminding wasn't as regulated as it is today. Safeguarding children is a huge part of our jobs and a cm could loose her registration for putting a child in a situation like that if she were reported.

Lillyr - sorry if I came across a bit defensively, I hadn't realised that all this time on it still has an effect!

It's understandable! I have a daughter myself and would be furious if she had been treated like that. When I went back to work my dd was looked after by her grandparents, we were lucky to have family close by so she was in a home environment being loved and well cared for. I became a cm to offer that same care, I have cared for 2 of my mindees since they were babies, they are now 2 and so much a part of our family life, I adore them. I have very good attachments with all four that I care for and it makes me so cross when I hear of experiences like yours.

omg!!!! I am a local childminder i am so disgusted! get straight on to ofsted as this is so serious! she needs to be reported and to save the other children she cares for from the same terrible care.
childminders are accountable and this is just disgusting!
do not pay anything and let her make threats to take you to court she will have to explain herself too, get everything wrote down and get a letter to ofsted(details on web)and get this woman reported!!!!
as for her making you ill stand tall and take her on she is nothing but a bully stand up for your child!
GOOD LUCK AND I HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU X

Have read this entire discussion with great interest...........was wondering what the outcome was?

have to totally agree with wannaBe here.. my 11 year old dd probably couldnt judge an hour and a half..

i have a mindee recently who told me mum had shut her fingers in the door.. she had.. as a pure accident, but can you see how that might appear.

i understand your distress but as a bit older mum would just counter that 6 year old children can be beadily determined to get their own way!!! pehaps he wanted to stop going to the cm.. force feeding a healthy 6 year old sounds a bit strong to me and doesnt make sense really.. i mean if one of my mindees refuses to eat I just clear away food.. offer fruit and tell mum.... no big deal happens all the time...

of course if you have other allegations of substance then you have to report to Ofsted who take things seriously and fairly..

good luck though and hope it gets sorted to all satisfactions..

have just read some for the recent posts and am amazed at the complete vitriol and judgments made on this cm. who may well be a mother as well with all those implications..

is this the way to behave? total comdemnation of her without knowing any real or substantial facts?

this is how innocent parents and carers can find themselves in court and have children taken away from them

for goodness sake if the parent has an issue and suspects child cruelty or neglect then she should report her to the proper channels.. and thats NOT MUMSNET..

SHIRLS.. lets hope noone accuses you.. it happens..parents dont want to pay bills so make false allegations... dont be so quick to judge...

'FOR WHAT EVER REASON SHE IS NOW SENDING HER SON THERE' and 'COULDNT FACE THE HASSLE'!!!! sorry if I suspected my child was being ill treated I would remove and take action... nonsensical behaviour...