childminder taking me to court!

[salsabunny]

Hi, Any advice please on my situation would be really appriciated, am so stressed here. I'm a young mum on a quite a low income and my 6 year old son hasn't been happy at childminders for a while having tummyaches when he has to go there.

He told me she has been force feeding him which explains his recently refusing to eat at home and school. Also there are several other exaples of very bad care that have happened that I prob shouldn't go into due to confidentiality. He has been very upset on at least 3 occasions because of how he is treated there.

Basically I felt i needed to stop sending him immidiatly causing a big nightmare for myslf with regard to work ect. I said I'm not happy with the care she provides and she denied everything and threatened me that if I don't pay her notice (even though she won't look after him in that time) she will take me to court.

She has sent me a solicitors letter already She is demanding £500 for nothing after she has mistreated my child. I worte back offereing her half but she refused. After reading some other similar posts it looks like I'm going to get nowhere with this????

I'm already out of pocket with missing work and now paying my sister to come and look after him (my sister lives 60 miles away from me so i'm paying her petrol each day).

I have no faith a complaint to OFTED will be of any use at all (She'll get away with doing this to other children too!) and I think the courts will just force me to pay anyway. Do you think I should just use my savings I keep for emergencies and just pay her off - this is making me ill I'm getting migraines and being sick every day i'm so steressed that shes doing this and lying

I'm really scared of being taken to court.

Please, any help?

I think it's two separate issues, really.

If you have deepseated concerns about her care (not just differing strategies for managing behaviour) then you really must report it - otherwise someone else's child will be in the same boat.

As for the contract, I'd be tempted to sit tight. I'd be fully prepared to explain in court that I had felt I had no option but to remove my child immediately, that this has caused me huge inconvenience & expense - admittedly avoidable by allowing the CM to mind my dc during the notice period, but this was unacceptable to me because of the serious nature of my concerns, & that I'd attempted to resolve things amicably by offering half.

You might well find the CM decides it's not in her interests to pursue this.

Really sorry I don't feel I can to lay the whole thing out and all my grivences on here or go into more specific details it would make me anxious to do that.... sorry.

but I'll tell to the solicitor and see what he thinks are the chances of her winning the case. I don't care too much about the money it's more her attitude and her lying and mistreatment of little ones that makes me upset. but if I have to pay I'll suffer financially because of her too and she'll feel emboldened to do the same thing again in future to another family.

Thats why I'm refusing to pay her it feels like I'm paying her for mistreating and upsetting my little boy makes me feel sick that she'll get rewarded for that.

Thanks Raven, that actually really makes sense to see it a 2 seperate issues tbh.

ok salsabunny then report her and do as raven said. It's genuine concerns and other children are at risk as we speak.

I wouldnt pay someone for childcare who mistreated dc either.

Not even close to the same scale, but I wouldn't pay my mechanic if he broke something on my car or did a dodgy fix, contract or not

I don't think this question has been asked but why have you not reported it to OFSTED. They do respond to complaints. (I had no child care for six weeks after a complaint was made to OFSTED).

They will ask you in court and you seem to be saying my complaint is serious enough to withdraw my child, to not pay you what I am obliged by contract to pay you but not worth complaining to the childminder's governing body.

I said earlier that I have called OFSTED on Friday and I'll back it up in writing on Monday. Almost everyone who posted was
encouraging me to do that as I do have concerns. So I'll leave it for OFSTED to investigate.

So now I've done that I have the money thing to sort out and I'll see what the solicitor says next week. Obviously I don't want to pay her because of the way she treated my little boy. I'll have to see If I can handle being taken to court - if she even does it. If I think it's going to be to much for me to handle I might just pay her to get her out of my life as one person said! At least I'm making a complaint I guess thats the main thing.

Why didn't you report this CM at the time if you had concerns, concerns that you say another parent shared ? Why did you both continue to use the CM?

I really don't understand that.

Even if these concerns are true it just now looks like it's to maliciousness to avoid paying her.

Theres also another mother who a while back told me she wanted to complain and take her own son out - she approached me to talk as she knew I sent my son there too, and she waas upset aobut things. I diddn't even know her before. For whatever reason she has now carried on sending her boy but some off the things she said made me listen more to my son as the two kids had told us both similar things.

obv the other mum didnt feel that worried or she wouldnt still be using her

I dont understand why a parent would continue to send their child to a childminder they thought wasnt looking after their child properly or is it just me?

Loving "kids don't lie" My big brother drew all over the walls and said "baby did it". (me, 3 months old, in cot. )

entrigued what the other incidents were,and why you didnt remove there and then, esp if other mum was saying things as well

suprised you BOTH didnt remove your dc, is other mum still using the cm now?

Another poster wrote that "The court will deal only with the contractual issues, it is unlikely that any allegations will be taken into account, as they deal with the legal side."

This is misleading - the allegations are part of the 'legal side. If true, the childminder would have breached her contract (either express or implied term). This may mean that she is not entitled to be paid notice.

I would report the childminder. If OFSTED uphold the complaint, it is unlikely that a court would uphold her claim against you. (Also likely that her solicitor would advise her to drop the claim). I wouldn't use the threat to report her as a negotiating tool. I would just report and let someone else carry out the investigation.

A lot of "she said she said" here, so I cannot comment on that part.

As other posters have pointed out, any safeguarding concerns should have been reported at the time of - or as soon as possible after - the incident(s). It sounds like the OP should have reported this childminder to OFSTED some time ago.

Waiting until there is a payment problem/issue to report the safeguarding incidents....

I have to agree with AvadaKedavra's comment.

I am in exactly the same boat, I found out that the CM had smacked my 6 month old, 1 week into the CMs notice period. My 7 year old told me this, I thought it a was maybe just a tap and as I was already into the notice period I thought I would ride it out. I was very concerned as both of my kids were very unhappy. The next week my 7 year old again came home saying the CM had smacked the baby again, I rang the CM to get her side of the story, she was abusive, agressive and denied everything, I even asked if it was just a tap!!!! and whether my 7 year old could have misconstrued it!!
I have now had solicitors letters and threats to go to court unless I pay up. I reported the incidents to OFSTED immediately after our telephone conversation as my worst fears were confirmed. She is a nasty piece of work!! What can I say
DO NOT pay up CM's are there to care for and look after our children not terrorise them!!!
my 7 year old is terrified when she sees her out and about. CM's like that should be shut down immediately!!!

I forgot to mention I pulled my kids out immediately and started a new contract with the new childminder that I was going to go with in 2 weeks anyway. I was lucky I had found a new CM at this time. There were other allegations made but I had a lot of trouble finding a childminder in our area. As soon as I found one I put my 4 weeks notice in immediately as I wanted to do it the right way, and made up a story as to why I wanted to move the children. I didn't want bad feeling between us as we live quite near each other. As soon as I found out that she had smacked the baby I was very concerned, and as a result she is now trying to bully me into paying her 2 weeks notice!

You should prepare yourself for some of the difficult questions that will be asked should you refuse to pay:-

1. The CM says that you and she agreed a strict feeding regime and indeed she fully explained that on one occasion she kept your child at the table for 90 minutes and yet you continued to send your child to her. Is this true?
2. the CM maintains that you have never said a word to her about any concerns with regard to your child, and continued to send your child to her, and that it was only after you withdrew your child and she pointed out your legal obligations to pay notice that you made these claims against her. Is this true?
3. Do you have any corroborating evidence that you can produce in court other than that of your 6 year old child?

No matter how in the right you are morally, you will need to provide detailed answers ot these questions, otherwise it will be a she-said-he-said spat which will cost you both quite a lot in legal fees.

If you can answer these qns clearly in a way that would satisfy a court then go right ahead, but if you struggle then you do not have a strong case legally (morals don't come into it) and the stress, combined with the weight of a court case and uncertain outcome don't sound like much fun.

If however you do have ample evidence you could sue her for breach of contract arising from negligence, and put in a counter-claim for the costs you have incurred in getting additional child cover.

If it were me and I had little hard evidence of what has gone on I would send a cheque for up to half the amount owed along with a letter (all by registered post) saying that in the light of your complaints A,B and C (all listed in detail), you are no longer of the opinion that your child is being well cared for and that you are offering the enclosed in full and final settlement. Then if she banks the cheque it is all over.

Really all depends on the evidence here. do discuss with a solicitor but don't let them um and ah over the merits of the case whilst you rack up a bill of £400 or so before anything has even started.

That's sound advice StillSquiffy.

Yes Stillsquiffy thats great advice - I'll definatly have a think over those points u made.

The answer to q 1 and 2 are both a definate and clear 'no'.

and question 3 would be a 'yes' if the mum of the toddler and another mum would act as witnesses to what they saw the childminder do. - having to involve others is not something I really want to do and I doubt the toddlers mum would support me if she still sends her son there. so... probably not do-able.

The other mum approcached me less than a week before the incident that caused me to finally remove my son, she was in tears saying she has no family to care for her son & she can't afford/find alternative childcare immidiatly (I'm in v. similar situation and am now going through big difficulties at the moment having to take time off work, loss of earnings ect..) and it's easy to criticise us for not removing the children sooner when your in this position it's not so easy - of course you have to put your child first and thats what I did although it took another incident to push me to remove him and yes I feel terribly guilty about that.

The other mum has continued sending her toddler there, I'm really shocked to be honest a sshe was saying she couldn't face sending him there the next day. And yes I had complained direcectly to CM in the past I had previously told CM I was unhaappy with something and had a meeting with her - but there are now other problems. I feel I have gone down the right routes to complain directly to this CM in the past but now it's just too much.
How many times and how bad does it have to get to remove your child form a CM I suppose is another question isn't it.

I just hope OFSTED will do a good investigation.

How shocking, report to OFSTED if you are sure, but....Have you given her a chance to tell you her side of the story? 6yr olds are very very good at telling tales and imagine what she'll go through if you are wrong.

carrotgirl - op says the other toddler's mother "saw" the cm do something. So, not all from the mouths of babes, unfortunately.

Sorry hadn't read the whole thread. Yes OFSTED should know, it's people like that who give CMs such a bad reputation.

The CM concerned is actually making the prob worse. My DD eats very little and I know force feeding etc would only make it into an even bigger issue. I just put it on the table and clear it away when they've finished. No fuss. If they eat they eat if they don't they don't.

Finding it a bit weird that the CM wants to waste 1 1/2 hrs on this. Sounds v strange and controlling to me. Unfortunately CMing prob attracts bullying weirdos with no concience (sorry sp?) as there's noone else there to keep an eye on what they're doing.

Carrotgirl.
I very much take exception to
"Unfortunately CMing prob attracts bullying weirdos with no concience (sorry sp?) as there's noone else there to keep an eye on what they're doing. "
I think you'll find it mostly attracts people who care about children.

I've read all the thread and still don't understand why you didn't report her once you had concerns about her treatment of your child. Any complaint now looks like an excuse to get out of paying money owed and I am struggling to see how you are going to provide any admissable evidence.

I would take StillSquiffy's advice and try and get her to accept half of what's owed. If she won't go for that you need to look at whether you can/want to incur legal costs.

whether right or wrong i think the op didnt report her cm at first incident as she needs to work and has no other cover/childcare option