I'd be really grateful for your input on this. I just want to do the right thing.
Background: I work F/T. I've had a nanny since DD was 9 months old. She is now 2.10. Initially we loved our nanny, and we have been exceptionally good to her in lots of ways, which I don't need to set out really.
However, I am now pregnant with DC2 and am due in about 4 months. I am lucky enough to have a DH who can afford for me to take 6 months off and still keep her on during that time. So that's what we have decided to do.
BUT the other day I realised that I am dreading maternity leave and being with her so much more. I sat down and made a list of the things she does which I worry about and I need your advice on whether these are silly and how I can/should address them. I want to be fair to her and to us and to do the right thing! so here's my list:
(1) She clearly is not capable of leaving any moods/tiredness behind her when she gets to work.
This was very evident when she had a bereavment in her family - which we totally understood of course. We gave her all the time off she needed of course but when she came back (after 6 weeks, her choice, we did not force her) she was still crying in front of our DD a lot, spending a lot of time on the phone to her friends and so on. She also has quite a lot of 'life crises' (what am I doing with my life?) and gets very depressed and she seems incapable of leaving it behind her when she gets to work and I spend lots of time at work wondering how her mood today is affecting DD. On a really quite large number of occasions I have come home to find her in a really bad mood because of something and she will often say that DD has been a nightmare and that she has found it hard to cope. She does not seem to find it hard to cope when she is feeling good. She clearly isn?t positive or fun to be with or particularly tolerant with DD when she is like this. She is great fun when she is feeling upbeat.
I am sure that I am not always positive/fun with DD when I am tired/stressed but I am not her nanny! Ideally I would like a nanny who of course may have bad times, but who is positive and fun most of the time (or at least fakes it well). I do at my own work!
(2) I have residual concerns about the way she disciplines DD. When I came home a few nights ago she was saying that she had behaved like a baby and had to be put in her cot for 20 minutes. When I was talking to her about it DD was clearly listening and distressed about it still and saying "I went into my cot like a baby". This happens quite regularly.
(3) I think we've been so nice to her that she is starting to take us for granted and as I said this morning, I am unsure that she will actually be a help when I am on maternity leave and with the new baby. She said to me a couple of weeks ago that I might want her to work reduced hours when the baby is born as I will be ?around all the time? ? I said no, but this is the sort of attitude which has me concerned.
(5) I still have concerns about whether she has actually formed a good bond with DD. I have spoken with a number of women who have nannies, all of whom say that their children love their nannies. DD only leaves us with great reulctance each morning. If I told DD that she?d never see our nanny again I?m sure she?d be fine with that;
(6) She?s not that good at actually engaging with DD. I come home every night almost to find her watching TV with her. She does switch it off but I have never seen her paint a picture with her, engage in any creative activities, or even read to her to be honest. There are never any books out despite the fact that DD has millions. I think they sometimes play games but it is rare. The reports we get in our special daily logbook never say ?we played X game or made something or dressed up ?. They go out to groups and places but there is no other interaction which I think is increasingly important, especially as DD obviously loves art/making things.
Yes, DD is our PFB. Am I being silly? How can I deal with it? I've never had another nanny and I hate confrontation!