Nanny and her mobile phone... wwyd?

[mummywoowoo]

I have noticed when working at home that my nanny ALWAYS has her mobile with her, no matter what they are doing; and I've heard the text noise go - so its sometimes switched on - or was on that occasion.

Now when I'm at work, my phone is on silent - although I have it close by just in case DS is ill and she needs to ring me. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for her to have her mobile at work so she can get hold of me. But often I am in the same house, working ...and I am concerned that she may be texting when she's supposed to be entertaining the DS! She is supposed to be working after all.

She has no children, her family live abroad so not sure if she has any elderly relatives who are at death's door etc...and that would require her to have her phone with her at all times.

Apart from being 10 mins late EVERY morning (which I am dealing with separately) we are happy with her and DS seems happy.

What would you do? I am not great at confrontation and personality wise I feel she would get angry and defensive if I asked her about it... I don't want to spy on her to see if she is using the phone or not!

I think this seems a bit harsh. Like others, unless the OP's nanny is on her phone all the time, I'm not sure there's an issue.

I think you can do a good job and still send and receive a few texts each day.

If your ds is adversely affected then there is an issue, if not then I think this is overly controlling - if I were your nanny and felt I was doing a good job and that texts didn't get in the way of this then I would probably look for another job if my you raised this with me.

I see a lot of nannies locally sitting at the sides of the park or play groups texting/ on i-phones/ talking in a foreign language over their kids for hours on end. Sometimes they barely interact with the kids at all in a full hour. One was sketching on a notebook once, another seemed to be typing a novel. It is not hard to tell the paid help from the mums, although there are some excellent nannies out there.

There are occasions on which I have ended up playing with other people's kids as the nanny/ au pair is too busy on her phone, eg. pushing them on the swings by my DD. I would love to be able to tell the parents what they are paying for.

I think that it is a matter of degree. If you are otherwise happy with your nanny, DS is happy and you think she is only sending and receiving a few texts a day (like most mums, let's face it!), then fair enough. What does DS report, or is he too small to say?

I'm a nanny and pretty much always have my phone on me. I think, in addition to being available for calls from bosses and school/nursery, this is partly because it's the norm now for a lot of my generation and partly because I like having it close by as I use my camera on it loads to get pics of the kids. I would also worry about losing/forgetting it if I left it somewhere other than near me, especially if its on silent!

I have a close circle of nanny friends and send calls/texts arranging plans for the day and I do reply to personal texts/calls sometimes too. I will read texts when I get a chance and may reply if not much else going on/it's important to reply immediately. And will take a phonecall too, if appropriate but keep it short.

I think it's like so many other things when it comes to the nanny/employer relationship, you need to trust that he/she will use common sense and put the needs of your child first. It is different to so many working relationships though at it is so personal for all involved.

I think you need to stop worrying about the small stuff OP. I have a nanny, she's great 99.9% of the time, but she can't cook and when DS falls asleep and DD is at preschool she does her language courses rather than housework.

And you know what, I don't care! The kids love her. It's pretty much irrelevant in the great scheme of things. The relationship my children has with the nanny is ultimately much more important than my relationship with her IYSWIM, so I just have to put up with my petty niggles (and really they are).

In my day job, every single member of my staff irritates me slightly at some point, I don't pull them up on it either, because a lot of the time, it's just that they do things in a different way to the way I'd do it.

We have a clause in our nanny's contract about the use of her mobile phone (including texts and internet use) during working hours being reasonable and limited to essential contact. I would fully expect her to use it to communicate with other nannies, to fix up appointments and do other things that need to be done during 'office hours' and to feel free to check text messages but to limit having a social chat to the times the babies are sleeping.

As teachers my DH and I don't get to check our text messages etc. in lessons and have to wait until our lunch break or after school so I don't think it's unreasonable for others to be restrained about it. Obviously most nannies don't have the luxury of a lunch break like we do at school (once we've finished dealing with everything!) so employers need to be sensitive to their need to have something akin to down/non-contact time during the day.

Although the clause is in our nanny's contract it isn't something we've made a song and dance over because we see her as a professional childcarer and trust she will do her job, not spend the day sending text messages to her boyfriend! However, should that situation arise and the care of our children appear to be suffering then we have back-up in the contract (in the same way that there are about fifty trillion things in a teacher's terms and conditions that we can be pulled up on).

This sounds far too much like an old job of mine.

No playdates there either (other kids not good enough .

Boss complained to me in not a very nice tone that people (her parents/sis) had told her I was always on the phone either sending or receiving texts. She shut up PDQ when I pointed out to her that they were always from her or her husband and I too was getting pretty fed up having to answer them. I brought in an itemised phone bill for her to prove my point, even she was horrified to see that one day in particular I had sent her 40 yes thats right 40 in one day . She was a control freak, I pointed out I was unable to give her child undivided attention while on the phone to the mother.

That conversation turned out to be a blessing as she then went down to an average of 10 a day.

As everyone else said above, phones need to be on in case of emergencies. Texts take seconds (i'm an expert after the job above ). I would rather a quick text than an hour long conversation.

This is the first time I've posted but I found this thread really interesting, partly because I used to be a nanny BITD and hadn't considered any of these issues at the time. I used to have my phone in my bag in the 'utility room' and would check it occasionally when the DCs didn't need me. I thought nothing of replying to texts, it took literally seconds. Looking back, that job was so lonely- stuck in the middle of nowhere with two children and I think I would have been really really unhappy in the job if my boss had banned me from using my phone. I would have felt that it undermined all the effort I put in to creating happiness, fun and general care-giving for the DCs I was looking after. Never would have used the phone to the real detriment of the DCs. Also, speaking as a child psychologist (which I am now) I don't think it is healthy for children to have undivided attention. Certainly not necessary. I obviously don't mean leaving them unattended and unsupervised but they do benefit from playing independently, having to wait for a few seconds/minutes before they get what they've asked for, etc. Surely?!

Saltspray, that is so true! I've been talking to nanny friends in the last week about how much planning and entertaining we should do for our charges. I think they need to learn to just play, while supervised of course, but to have time and space to do what they want and develop their creative side and learn what they like and are good at, just to explore and have fun and be children!

I am nanny and i think that unless you are going to give your nanny a lunch hour and breaks in the day, i dont think its wrong to send and read texts. If your nanny thought that she shouldnt be useing her phone, then it would be on silent and she would hide in the loo to text!

I have only read the OP and I am .

Are you for real? Seriously, you don't want your nanny to send or receive any texts/calls while she is looking after your son?

I have to say I think you're being petty. I could of course be wrong but most probably - like most nannies - this nanny is using her common sense and do you really begrudge her spending a few minutes every day reading/replying to texts? It is quite a lonely job and, unlike nursery workers, they don't have that much contact with other adults during what is often a long working day. I employ a childminder and I really don't mind if she makes a couple of phone calls or sends a few texts during the day as the most important thing is that my daughter loves her and she's being well look after. Just try and relax a little.

This post cant be real! Are you feeling lonely or what? Trying to get peoples attention? Do it some other way as this is annoying, well it did annoyed me!

Fab and Bluegreen, if you read my post above you will see that yes people like this do exist.

Hopefully if OP is for real she will soon realise the error of her ways

mummywoowoo: I find it very odd that you're happy for your child to be looked after by a nanny whom, so it would seem, you don't entirely trust.

I have a good friend who is nanny to two of my DCs' friends (plus their little sibling). She is superb in every possible way. She sends and receives texts from her brothers (and me!) while looking after the children. She will often talk to the children about whom she's texting and why (she treats the children as if they were her own). She also receives countless texts from her employers. Like any decent mother, she doesn't respond to her phone when she's actively involved in doing something with the children: she does it when she's having a cup of tea while they play after tea. She is on full-time duty from 6.45am - 7.30pm five days a week.

The idea that this would make her a bad nanny is, frankly, ridiculous. There are obviously other issues with the OP's nanny. If you don't trust someone to be looking after your children properly, why on earth let them do it at all?

Like others on this thread, I'd be a bit concerned about the lack of playdates, though.

mummywoowoo - i have 100% sympathy. my last few nannies have phones in their hands most the day - once even when bathing my baby and it has started to annoy me intensely - it's like they can't concentrate 100% on my children and are always slightly disconnected. i am not alone in this irritation - my friends with nannies say the same thing. actually it's not just nannies - it seems to be young people in general (speaking as an old fart!). have decided they can text to their hearts content outside of work but not while i'm paying them to look after my children. i have decided that my next nanny will be given a mobile phone by me for work related use (playdates etc) - and i will ask her to check her own personal phone only on a few occasions (maybe once/hour max). it's completely unprofessional if you ask me....

i dont think the op is petty at all
I had commented to dp that a nanny who goes to our toddlers texts often - not nice
i am home all day with children phone not carried with me so i can 'catch up' but in bouts not all the time

to the poster who said 'texting is todays communication' no it's not it's speech

I would speak to the nanny...

Garibaldi, McBitchy etc....I assume you spend every nanosecond of your working day actually working then? God forbid that your employer should pay you for time not spent working...every minute counts!

I assume a nanny can check her phone in her break
I asume you would feel fine about your icu nurse to having one eye on her phone as she checks your vitals?

McB: what break, exactly? When does a nanny get a break? Is she supposed to drug the children for half an hour so she can read the paper and text her children's friends' parents to arrange tea?

There are good nannies and crap ones, just as there are good parents and crap ones. If there are other reasons why the OP thinks her nanny is crap, she should sack her - but in itself, using a mobile to text people every now and then is not indicative of crapness. Obviously, a nanny who baths a baby with her phone in her hand is pretty crap - but who in their right minds employs someone like that?

There is, of course, always the option of looking after your own children if you don't like the way that other people do it.

Well said, BimiBluebell.

"There is, of course, always the option of looking after your own children if you don't like the way that other people do it."

Comments like that on nanny threads are pretty rude, even when followed by a smiley.

I can't believe this thread is still going on. I just can't see the being on the phone / texting is worth getting upset over. Maybe MN has softened me over the years. But, really, what is the big deal?

maybe i a biased as the nanny i see who texts always gets me as she never seems interested i in the kids

there are plenty of fab nannys around who do not have phone in their hand

cant they check their phone every few hours. Its about focus imo

It seems a bit petty to me, but then I don't know any nannies who are on their phones constantly.

I always have my phone on me (as it's my clock and camera too!) and have never really thought about it! I receive calls from my boss, text other nannies to arrange things, get the odd text from friends and occasionally get a call from my partner or mum. Obviously there are times and places where it is appropriate to use a phone though - I wouldn't call or text during teatime, bathtime, while on a playdate etc, but would when children are playing happily or watching TV.

Oh missus84, you've opened up another can of worms there by mentioning the TV

Wait for the replies saying "we don't pay you to sit our kids in front of the TV" etc etc.