The curse of Boff. Again.

[BoffinMum]

You are not going to believe this, guys. The lovely temp (and she really is lovely) who came today has had to leave because her mum was rushed into hospital. We don't know if/when she'll be coming back. So we are without childcare again! I am currently in Paris and DH was supposed to be going into work tomorrow because he hasn't been able to get in all week. He has no leave left either. Crikey! Anybody want three lovely children, two with diarrhoea?

Tavvy, Frakkin hush now hush, am starting to worry lovely nanny number 2 isn't musical and may therefore be substandard
that said, XH is v v musical but also eejit so the logic doesn't necessarilty follow I s'pose

musical, erm lets see, i can play a saucepan and swooden spoon VERY well lol

seriously, i can play recorders/tenors/trebles etc and chopsticks+happy birthday and doe a deer on the piano

glad all is well with boffy and lucy household

Well I am not musical but I have taught mine how to do CPR, stop an arterial bleed, build a lean to shelter in the woods and fake burp on command

I can do fake burps. In fact I spent most weekends at boarding school learning how to smoke, gamble and burp. Made me the woman I am today. Anti-gambling, anti-smoking and a bit prim. I jest not. Must have been aversion therapy.

Boff's random skills:

Diagnosing a diabetic eye
Palpating and identifying a transplanted kidney
Knitting socks
Handsmocking dresses
Making superfatted soap
Counting to ten in Cantonese
Swearing in Cantonese and Arabic
Free food foraging (not mushrooms though)
I also know how to build an improvised explosive device and why this is a very bad idea if you value your own limbs
Identifying antique porcelain (again, not advisable near an IED)

What are everyone else's random skills?

erm taking dog to vet when gets stung by a bee,and his whole head ballooned and eyes shut and he couldnt breathe - the stupid mutt

i draw the line at mouth to mouth of a furry 4 legged woofa lol

UUUUUUURGH!!!!!!!
Dog breath!

thanks Boffy Blondes and Frak am larfing heartily which given the day I am having workwise is a minor miracle. Helps that I have just found a mini packet of chocolate buttons

random skills, not sure I dare share after seeing Boff's, am overcome with inferiority complex

light a fire with one match
do a mean impression of miranda richardson in backadder (shoulda made my nickname queenie....)
ski backwards

ermmmm

and yes, i have modified my name in a belated attempt to show a bit more imagination...........

by the way, am so glad I stumbled across you lot when I cried for help a coupla weeks ago, makes my day coming on here

Miranda Richardson is a helluva achievement IMO. Beats smocking and blowing stuff up, taking your own fingers with it.

does require a glass or two to get the voice right, which i am guessing you don't do when blowing stuff up.......

tbh I have never actually made one, but I do know how (too much time spend with ex-Army chums)

Random skills!

I can spin fire (pois)
I actually used to be really good until I accidently set fire to my hair by mistake and haven't really done it since

Can do both the flying and static trapeze
Picking locks.
Am a mean shot with a catapult.
Can embroider,smock and sew.
Excellent at making educational resources
Making puppets
Can create pretty much anything out of cardboard.
Cake decorating - did a scale model of Hogwarts once complete with flying Harry, Ron and Hermione.
Climbing trees and making tree houses
Can deliver lambs
Milk cows and goats
Pluck pheasants

Never have learnt to blow anything up
My brother once got sent home from boarding school for a few days because he and his mates 'borrowed' a lot of potassium from the chemistry stores and decided it would be clever to launch it into the school nature reserve pond. Completely destroyed the whole ecosystem

nope, sorry, spin fire?? no idea, even with the pois in brackets

helpppp

have thought of some more

have unerring ability to get thrown by chestnut mares (100% success rate so far)
ok, grasping at straws now....

Tavvy lol re pond... assuming he is now all grown up, is he good looking?

Boffin and Tavvy you are clearly ladies of many unexpected and useful talents - and you haven't included cooking dinner for your kids while entertaining youngest while trying to take an after-hours call from a colleague while talking to DH while calming the dog - which I am sure you do all the time! I am very impressed!
I was trying to think what I could put down and it all seems to be either work-related (good at spreadsheets, outstanding at proof-rreading) or the kitchen (baking cakes!).

It seems almost easier to think of what I can't do - anyone want to join me in that one?

• no visual imagination. At all. Whatsoever. My PP charts are the office joke.
• can't keep a houseplant alive - give me 4 weeks and it'll be dead
• after >20 years still can't reverse a car into a tight space and will go to great lengths to avoid having to do it
• sing
• read instruction booklets for any kind of technical gadget (and I do realize how much easier it would be if I could summon the patience!)

proof-reading!!!

Did I mention the outstanding at proof-reading is only if something is written on paper? Can't do it on a screen!

He is all grown up and he landed in the deep end of the gene pool when it came to looks and doesn't he know about it as well. (Rolls eyes dramatically.)

Pond wasn't quite as funny as when he was in the choir and it was his turn to carry the cross through the chapel. He forgot to lower it as they got to the door so Jesus ended up at a ninety degree angle from the waist.

You can get several types of pois. The boring ones are like weighted bean bags on string with coloured streamers attached and you make patterns in the air with them. They're good to practise with before you go for the real deal.
The fun ones are on metal chains and you set them alight and make patterns with the flames - like a sparkler but much more dangerous. Looks really spectacular in the dark and you can have whole routines. It's an ancient Maori art.

Oh another of my talents is cactus killing.
I am the only person I have ever met who cannot keep a cactus alive.

Summersoon, I can teach you to sing in six weeks.

I can't however do timetabling to save my life, which is my industry (education) is one hell of a liability, Luckily we have a course administrator sent by God for such eventualities.

Tavvy, the Pois thing is hard core. Really hard core. You win.

'I'd like to teach the world to sing.
In perfect har-mon-eeeeeeeeeeeeeee.'

Never include the pois thing on my CV. Most parents are not impressed that their potential nanny can be a fire weilding pyromaniac

ah ha ah ha I saw Pois in NZ, know the thing you mean, I'd like to learn that one please!

and can I have some singing lessons please BoffinMum?

Summersoon LOVED the prrroof reading typo, couldn't have planned it better. I am good at chairing conference calls with seniors in my business and customers whilst helping DD2 onto the potty (quite a mental image)
I am also stunning at holding my sh* together when eejit XH walks out on our happy (it was ) home for good leaving 2 gorgeous DDs behind . Definitely shouldn't be investigating looks etc of fellow MN brothers via this thread (sorry Tavvy* ) in my current fragile metal state but can't resist troublemakers

on a lighter note, I too see off all greenery in record quick time and can't for the life of me get the hang of primary year 2 maths method, which is REALLy worrying, poor DDs

tavvy having read you on this and other threads, would kill to have you as my nanny, what's a little fire-wielding between friends

god I am bored

typing up new nanny contract in hopes of getting it right with lovely nanny number 2 after mess first time round....

yawn

BoffinMum hope all is continuing harmoniously chez Boff with lovely new nanny?

fire weilding pyromaniac - tavvy you sounds just like my dh