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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Boff needs chocolate. Nanny has just resigned.

185 replies

SnowyBoff · 03/12/2009 21:38

So folks, there we were being nice, supportive employers to someone who frankly with hindsight has a major attitude problem, and she's just resigned on us and leaves in a fortnight. I am sure Christmas is a brilliant time to look for a new one (not).

This nanny thing is so angst-ridden it's untrue. It also means we may have sacrificed another agency fee for a mere 10 weeks' work as well. And the kids will be really upset and go all funny on us for a bit because they will be so confused about everything.

I am not a happy Boff.

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Original poster
SnowyBoff · 11/12/2009 11:30

I may not deserve it, but I keep getting it.

Ironically nanny just took delivery of parcel of Xmas goodies sent by my best ever AP to the boys. I took pleasure in saying airily, "x was a lovely AP, she was with us ages, gosh is it really five years ago, she still comes and stays every year you know, she was such a good AP, lovely girl".

DH would say it's like talking about pevious boyfriends, but I reckon that rubbed in the fact we are very civilised and nice and she's chucking something valuable away.

Hoep she gets a job with a pop star next and then she'll really find out what hard work it.

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AtheneNoctua · 11/12/2009 11:38

She hospitalised DS1????????

frakkinaroundthechristmastree · 11/12/2009 11:40

cackles evilly I would do the same in your shoes. You don't want her to stay though - she sounds horrid and unprofessional and more stress than she's worth.

I could offer her a nice demanding lady I interviewed with who also fired a nanny from the place we don't mention for not being up to scratch? She had an interesting list of requirements and she's looking (again) according to the agency that sent me there. But, as others have pointed out, without the refs she probably won't be getting another job as a nanny.

AtheneNoctua · 11/12/2009 11:48

I can't find your ad, Boff. I want to be nosey.

After you nanny has gone, people will come talk to you who wouldn't while she was still there and tell you what they really think of her.

I had a very enlightening (more like a confirmation of what I already knew really) conversation with another family's nanny at the school gate yesterday. This nanny is friends with my current nanny and she went on and on to tell me how my last nanny was not really suited to be a nanny. Some of the stuff I knew but had some doubts. But this nanny confirmed my suspicions. She wasn't all bad, but there a couple of points where she really fell over.

Anyway, when you have these conversations, you wil be so glad she is gone. It really is a sense of relief.

frakkinaroundthechristmastree · 11/12/2009 11:57

I've noseyed on both your ads and would respond to either of them

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/12/2009 13:16

see you have redited again- i think it tells all you need - ages, hours, wages,car

nannies in my area dont get free gym etc - just a good wage and a nice family is all we ask

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 11/12/2009 15:11

I think I did another 'Boff in the slough of childcare despond' thread at the time, but basically it was my EDD, but nonetheless I was meeting the Head of DS2's new school with DS2 to discuss him starting there in two weeks' time, and AP was supposed to wave DS1 off to school. That was all she had to do.

Except he nagged her to get to go to school with him on the tandem that DS2 usually used with her, and she gave in, and then he refused to wear a helmet, and she didn't want to be disliked so gave in again. She then cycled him to school on the wrong side of the road and a car pulled out, not expecting to see a bike going the opposite way to what the Highway Code would expect, and the car caught the wheel, which means they both came off and DS1 took the brunt of the fall on his arm. She then took him to school (yes, really!) and left him there. His arm started swelling up big time and school phoned me to ask me to come and get him and take him to A and E. I then went into early labour. AP then phoned me and bleated excuses down the phone telling me how terrible she felt and asking if she could come to the hospital with us as she felt so bad about it and did not want to sit alone at home. I told her how she felt was of no interest to me at all and all I cared about was getting my son to A and E and hoping he had not bumped his head badly. I then went to A and E and was roundly told off by the consultant who then realised I had had nothing to do with this, so she told DS1 off instead (quite rightly). He was bloody lucky it had only been his arm that was banged, and we all knew that. He was kept under observation for a bit but was OK and had got off lightly. My labour then stopped, luckily.

So it's been a bit of a bad year!

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Original poster
SnowyBoff · 11/12/2009 15:16

I think the free gym thing really dates from the early to mid 1990s, when gyms were relatively expensive and had steep upfront membership fees, but the Harbour Club (and latterly Next Generation etc) had a family membership and you just paid an extra £10-£20 pcm for a nanny on top of your usual membership so she could take your DCs along to things and use the facilities while they were at judo class or whatever. It's not really usual around here to sign someone up for a gym as a standalone thing any more, and I am a bit curious as to why agencies keep listing it as a perk (along with mobile phones etc). It seems a bit random, really, and would incur a tax liability.

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Original poster
SnowyBoff · 11/12/2009 15:18

BTW my housekeeper is good at the necessary espionage thing and managed to be discreet and informative at the same time. She refers to our nanny as 'the girl', never using her name. This tells us quite a lot of what we need to know.

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StillSquiffy · 11/12/2009 19:11

Hey Boffin.

Sounds like a nightmare year. Check out my thread ref Chris The Swede, the AP going spare.

Stuff you should think about: (1) He's a bloke (but better than any other AP I have had) (2) He has AP'd for me (3YO and 6YO) and a family in the states (3 kids, sub-teen but school age), but he has no baby experience. (3) He is not quite nanny standard (but not far off). Example: he happily does reading practice with my son, but whereas - for example - my nanny would notice if my son was tired and would adjust the practice into 3 short bursts or something, Chris wouldn't. Nothing major, but he sometimes needs to be told all the little tricks. Oh, and (4) He is totally bowled over by the UK but I have no idea if he would stay for more than another 6-9 months - his university degree is on hold for the moment but he hasn't sorted out his long term plans (that, by the way, is the only irritating thing about him - he is unable to make up his mind on 'decisions', and he dithers - really odd to see it in a bloke)

If I were in your position and knowing him as I do, would I employ him to do the full 60 hours with the baby during the day? No, but I would definately hire him and have him drop off the baby at a good nursery instead, and would take the cost of that out of the salary I offered him. I know my kids are safe with him, and I know they have fun with him and I know he really cares for them. And it is great when the school phone up to say that DS is ill or something and I know that if I phone him he will drop everything and head over. And when these things happen, he even (you won't believe me) refuses extra money

check out my thread and cat if you are interested...

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 11/12/2009 21:39

Hey Squiffs, can SuperSwede drive, because there are no nurseries within walking distance here any more, and do you think he would have a problem being in Cambridge rather than Kent?

I am a bit nervous about the nursery thing because I don't want DS3 institutionalised just yet. They come home caked in old food, smelling of cabbage and disinfectant, having been fed biscuits all afternoon, forced to wait their turn for cuddles, and in a funny routine where they have their lunch well before 11 and their tea at 3. I didn't like doing it with the other two and I was hoping to avoid it with this one. I like my baby smelling of me and my house, for a start, eating nice special puree things and keeping normal human hours.

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Original poster
SnowyBoff · 11/12/2009 21:40

Oooh, oooh, oooh, another thought, I could possibly hire Chris the Swede as a recruitment perk for the nannies!!!!!!!! Bait, if you like!!!!!!!

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Tavvy · 11/12/2009 22:49

Given the hours some nannies work meeting men can be difficult if not impossible. Would work as a perk but wouldn't lead to any work if you catch my drift. SOunds like a good distraction.

Tavvy · 11/12/2009 22:50

Loved the funny ad I meant to say
Oh to work for a family with a sense of humour

thenewbornnanny · 11/12/2009 23:05

Gosh I would love a nice Swede male "assistant" to help me in my job! I have to do/organize so much household stuff... I could do with a bloke around ... hmmmm how does he feel about Amsterdam?

StillSquiffy · 12/12/2009 00:44

Never mind him.... I am out in Amsterdam for three months come Jan (Amstelveen I think the exact place)... fancy a beer?

thenewbornnanny · 12/12/2009 07:35

Oooh are you Squiffy?! I would love a beer I have so little time off that to actually make plans to meet another human bean is very exciting LOL (God how tragic that makes me sound... I'm not that sad I just work mostly 6 day weeks, and travel to NYC and other fun places a lot too)

I'm back from my (I can't believe I have) 2.5 weeks vacation on the 4th, so definitely get in touch when you're in and settled!

Sorry for the slight hijack Boff

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/12/2009 16:18

any replies to your ad?

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 14/12/2009 11:07

Only 2 replies, one from an au pair with qualifications in travel and tourism (really useful if the kids want to book a package holiday, methinks ) and one from a girl with no nannying experience but who looked after some children one school holidays and who is sure the mother would write her a reference for her.

'Snot great, is it really.

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frakkinaroundthechristmastree · 14/12/2009 12:31

Have you tried advertising on other Gumtrees as it can be a live in job?

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/12/2009 13:01

really suprised you havent had more interest

keep renewing ad daily/every few days as if others post ads yours will go to page 2/3 etc

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 14/12/2009 17:27

Good idea, Frannikin, I will post it in London as well.

Had another reply from someone who has just left school with a couple of A Levels and again, likes babysitting now and then, and will make sure 'my children have a lot of fun'. I thought that was my job, and theirs was to keep the kids alive, fed and clean when I am not there. Have I got that wrong??????

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Blondeshavemorefun · 15/12/2009 11:42

alive, fed and clean - pmsl - true, but fun is also a bonus

LovelyNanny · 15/12/2009 14:03

Since your nanny will be spending more waking hours per week with your children than you will, enjoying nanny's company and having fun with her is essential to their well-being .

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 15/12/2009 15:27

Not if they're being fed crap off a dirty floor while you speak to them in a 'fun' sing song voice , having their bibs ripped off their little necks in a 'fun' but impatient way, leaving red welts , fed 'fun' practically raw burgers , and not if they're crying with cold in the winter weather because they haven't enough layers on for the 'fun' walk you were supposed to be taking them on, it's not . Nor is going out with one of the older ones for a 'fun' cinema trip and forgetting you have to be back on time to collect his brother, leaving his brother upset and disorientated because nobody came to get him from school . That's not 'fun'.

You have to get the basic biological needs met properly before moving onto to 'fun'. 'Fun' is no subsistute for proper care.

I worked for a Head Teacher once who said on a training day "Every lesson should be fun". Well, I think the modern obsession with fun is misplaced. I think every lesson in school should be worthwhile. That is very different from fun. And I want my kids warm, safe and comfortable, ticking over in a homely way, with occasional amusing and interesting experiences that punctuate their days.

As Blondes says, fun is a desirable bonus.

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