Nanny playing radio loud during day

[thehuntress]

I want to know if my DH is being unreasonable. Our nanny is generally great with DD (2.6 years old). The issue is that he has come home two times recently while she was feeding her in the kitchen to find pop music blaring loudly on the radio. He doesn't think that our daughter should be listening to pop music on the radio at her age, particularly because of the DJ chatter which is usually mindless.

I don't feel as strongly about it, but think the music shouldn't be too loud as I generally want the nanny to be chatting, interacting with DD during dinner.

I think my DH's dislike also stems from the fact that he doesn't like pop music himself.

Do you think nanny would think we are overreacting and being strange if we ask her to not listen to the radio with DD around? That's really what we want, but I don't want to make nanny unhappy as in the whole scheme of things this is probably a small issue.

tommy no one is comparing any job with any other, just talking about work in general. Calm down, you're not the op's DH are you?

Me and my two charges are always listening to music, I'm a rock/country rock person really, whilst they listen to anything and everything. We sing along and have fun, also, I think your DH would be entirely unreasonable to stop anybody listening to any type of music (unless offensive) because it's freedom of choice. You shouldn't hinder your child's access to a range of different music just because your DH doesn't like it :/

I too find it annoying on mumsnet that I can ask a simple question (ie will the nanny think I'm weird if I ask her to turn off the radio) and I get comments about bowing to my DH's musical tastes. I wanted to respond to that one, so maybe I'm guilty too about going off subject. Especially about the nanny perks. But I think that the fact that I'm even stressing about telling my nanny to turn off the radio (something that my DH wants her to do and feels strongly about) demonstrates one perk of the job.

One of the perks of being a nanny is that you are treated like more than just an employee (and should be in my opinion). Our nanny looks after DD, the most important thing in the world to me. But comparing it to most jobs - if my boss wanted me to turn off the radio, she wouldn't stress - she was just tell me to do it. There is no sense of 'personal freedom' in my job. No downtime, no ability to pop out of the office to get things done during the day. No chats with my colleagues. I know not all jobs are like this, but alot are.

But I digress, other perks of being a nanny - nannies quite often get more statutory holiday each year (through no fault of nanny, usually family choice, but perk nonetheless). Nannies are usually provided food on the job. My nanny is taking my daughter to the zoo today, so I consider being able to enjoy the sunshine outside a perk. She is also going with another group of nannies, so presumably she will get some time to chat with friends (while watching the kiddies of course), which is a perk.

I don't think it is bad to say nannies have lots of perks compared to most jobs. I would assume it is part of the good things about being a nanny and I don't begrudge that one bit. What I do find is weird is that nannies get so upset by this statement. I wasn't saying it was an easy job. I wasn't saying they are overpaid. I was saying they have lots of perks, which presumably would make the bad parts of the job (ie weird parents asking them to turn off the radio) easier to bear.

And Pixinanny, I'm sorry but your statement about it being unreasonable for my DH to stop anybody listening to any type of music because of freedom of choice is ridiculous - he's not asking anybody, he is asking an employee while on the job. He could care less about what our nanny listens to in her own time, the point is that our 2 year old daughter is having to listen to it. This is something which DH should have a say on (and a right to say no to). We 'hinder' our child's access to a lot of cultural things (like music, certain TV shows, etc...) because it is inappropriate, not because we want her to be just like us. A lot of what we see in pop culture these days is geared towards young adults, and inappropriate for younger children. I don't want her growing up too fast, if you know what i mean.

I have some funny quirks too. Max and Ruby was banned from my house for ages on grounds of sexual discrimination. Most people think I'm bonkers, but nonetheless our nannies have been contractually required to avoid it.

I also refuse school lunches on grounds of nutritional inferiority. Some people think I'm a tad obsessed with nutrition. But, it is important to me.

So, actually, without knowing what they were listening to (and obviously even if you told me the presenters' names I probably still wouldn't know who we are talking about!), I can't really judge unreasonableness (is that a word?).

OP why are you getting so defensive? When you start any thread, you get various responces. I cannot find one single attack towards you in this thread.

The comment about your dh (wasn't from me) was not malicious. You did say that you changed the music you listen since meeting your dh. So some posters would comment - with good intentions. We do it all the time. I have been challenged sometimes and i appreciated it.

Now i am going to say this and don't say that you are attacked . With all the perks you have taken the time to list you know what one could say, don't you? Yep, why don't you become a nanny?

Laquitar, that nanny comment was out of line, and certianly not helpful.

OP has come her for constructive advice about the radio. We all do it. The thread has meandered a bit. The comment about her DH was a tad off, but I think Blones intention was not malicious. We are past that now.

Nannies do have perks. Mine naps on the job. I'd definitely be fired for that behaviour. This is a fact and it is a perk not offered in many jobs. But, it doesn't mean I should go become a nanny. There are other aspects of the job which areno so appealing to me. (like memorising every fricken dinosaur who ever lived on planet Earth and when and how they died and how much blood there was and was it wet or dry blood)

AtheneNoctua - Please could you tell me the isuues with Max and Ruby? My son watches it very occasionally, but I have never really paid attention to it.

You asked us for our opinions on whether it was unreasonable, and unlike the thread so far (which has understandably gone off track) I stuck to your request and answered stating why I thought it was unreasonable, and you're arguing it. If you didn't want answers then don't ask a question lol

I think some things are inappropriate for children too, and believe that censoring them is better. However, I also believe that exposing them to a wide variety of dfferent things is better, as then they can have a more well founded opinion, the kids I look after listen to a bit of everything and enjoy it because it was encouraged, I wish my parents encouraged it rather than having me listen to Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera as a kid, certainly an embarrassment now to not know the great rock legends as well as two children do

And, you haven't even answered our questions about whether this music was inappropriate for children (obscenities (crap spelling there), dodgy lyrics, etc), or stated which show she was listening too, so how can we make a more informed answer without you giving us more detail?

Thoguh, I must say, he'll have to get used to pop one day as your child will grow up and go through all the music phases! And little girls love pop.

my comment def wasnt meant as malicious just that i found it strange that you would adjust your music tastes

for example i LOVE james blunt, where dh doesnt, and will piss and moan when its on, but if he said dont play it, i wouldnt listen to him

i am entrigued - what job do you do huntress? one that doesnt allow you to speak to other people/pop out in your lunch hour?

my gripe with what you originally wrote

"Do you think nanny would think we are overreacting and being strange if we ask her to not listen to the radio with DD around? That's really what we want"

yes i wouldnt be happy to not be allowed to have the radio on, but i would be happy to change to a more child friendly station

as i first said we do have kiddi channel on the radio, but often 3&6yr ask "for your radio station, but not mummys as its boring and no songs"

yes some get more holiday, i do, but many i know get their stated amount and one even had to pay back a day, even though the mb was about and off work, and others still have to go in and clean/tidy playrooms/cook etc

yes i do eat at work and eat their food, and mb asks if i want anything to either put on list or just buy out of kitty

remember many also dont get ANY time to go and buy a sandwich without children or to eat it in peace, though again im lucky and my younger 2 sleep in the afternoon

so guess a perk is being able to use mb lappy and check emails, mn etc, though sure many/most of the working mums on here also do the same, but at their work

"Our nanny looks after DD, the most important thing in the world to me"

this i like and hope you tell your nanny sometimes that you are happy with her care,as words or a thank you go a long way - yes we are doing a job,but always nice to be appreicated

My mum says she used to have pop music stations on the radio all the time when we were kids. It wasn't so much the music, although her taste in music is much more up to date than mine. It was to hear an adult voice speaking on the radio and it didn't matter how inane he was, so long as he said something.

I'm assuming that nannies often don't get to hear that adult voice that reminds them there is life out there apart from their charges. In an office (since we're talking about offices), you would expect to have coffee and a chat with work collegues at some point in your working day. This is probably the nanny's alternative.

For what it's worth, my mum has continued to adore pop music and knows all the latest bands. Me? Haven't a clue! I listen to classical music, so it certainly hasn't corrupted me!

Max and Ruby belongs in the 1950s where women (Ruby) cooked and looked pretty and took care of the men (Max). And it was okay for boys to be mischievous and girls to clean up after them.

This is not something I am prepared to expose my young daughter to. DD is now and DS is 4 and I gave into MAx and Ruby about a year ago. They both prefer Dinosaur King now.

I didn't mind DS watching Max and Ruby as much as I minded DD watching it.

I know, I know. You will all say Max and Ruby is a very nice show about a loving sister with a cute little brother. But, the messages are way too victorian for me.

Let Ruby be mischeivous and Max clean up after her and I'll get over it. For now, Max and Ruby is a horrible show and it should be banned from the airwaves.

banning one programme wouldnt bother me, but bannning all tv/radio would iyswim

haveto say i havent seen max and ruby - but might watch it to see what it is like

we like back yardigans, wonder pets and ben 10

OK I see. I have to say the one time I did catch some of it, I did think it a little strange that the girl seemed to be doing everything for the boy, she was bathing him and then putting him to bed and trying to comfort him (several times in and out of his bedroom at night) because he'd lost his favourite toy.

I had to ask my eldest daughter (13) what was going on, was Ruby the mum? She said no, brother and sister.

I know it's only a cartoon but thought it really strange that there were no adults around while a little girl had to struggle putting her brother to bed.....odd

Yeah, a lot of people comment on the no parents. But that's nothing new. I recall the same oddity about Charlie Brown.

I used to love Wonder Pets because when they all yell out "Wonder pets!" DS (then aged 2) used to yell out "Under pants!"

Blondes - I think you are totally misunderstanding my reasons for pointing out that nannies have perks. It was more to point out that the good comes along with the bad (weird requests from parents offset by being able to enjoy the sunshine). Hope that makes sense. And I do tell my nanny she is fantastic all the time. I think she feels very appreciated. The whole reason I started this thread is that I was sensitive that asking her to curb her radio tastes might piss her off. Something I definitely don't want to do. As for my job, I'm hesitant to say because I'm sure that people will take against me purely for that reason, but suffice to say I work on a trading floor.

Also, sorry for not answering the question about the type of music. I don't know, my DH is the one who heard it and he has no clue about hip-hop vs pop vs dance.

I'm sorry if I sound defensive. I'm really not upset or feeling attacked about any of these posts. I find them quite interesting. The one exception was the comment about adjusting my music tastes for my DH, somehow implying that this is bad. I honestly don't think this is that weird. He hates pop music, that doesn't make him a bad person. That doesn't make me not want to be with him. It's not that important to me to be able to listen to pop music around him, as I have plenty of time to do it when we are apart. And I don't hate classical music, in fact I really like it.

Thanks for all of the responses. As I've said already, I'm not going to ban radio. I might have a chat with nanny to say make sure it's not too loud and maybe not at dinner so that DD can wind down from her day.

Athene,
you know what? I ll not even going to reply to your comment about me. Too hot and sweaty right now to bother with you.

What a bizare thread! Someone asks for opinions. We waste our time to give our opinions in order to help and instead of 'thank you' we receive this and 'Pixinanny your opinion is ridiculous' .

Then the other strange woman says to me my comment is out of line, even so i havn't spoke to her or asked her opinion. So certain opinions only allowed in this thread. ok.

Jesus, must be the heat.

Oh and You are welcome OP.

I have said thanks several times. [hmmm] Look at the last para at my latest thread Laquitar.

Yes it must be the heat

Why is it bad to ask for opinions and then comment on those opinions. I thought this was a discussion board. So are you saying, I ask for opinions and never post again?

No i am saying you ask for opinions and you don't say 'pixi your opinion is ridiculous'. Hope now i am clear because getting bored with this now.

can I just say that we listen to radio 1 in the morninigs and then I switch to radio 4 at 10 where it stays most of the day.

Radio 1 is drivel but we like the pop music whereas radio 4 has the most hardcore swearwords in many of its programs especially the 11.30-12 ones and the afternoon play.

Ds 1 has the most fantastic taste in music from his varied radio listening but does like the news and more information programes on Radio 4. He asks when he doesn't understand something. He's 5.

He also doesn't watch much telly as we don't have it on in the morning as his attitude changes completely if he watches, my parents have aliens, horrid henry and ben 10 and other such like.

Laquiter - Several people have called others' opinions ridiculous (or something to that effect) in this thread. Why focus on just me saying that? Because I am the OP. Is there a mumsnet rule that OPs can't call out opinions that don't make sense?

And you didn't acknowledge that I HAD said thank you. So I'm thinking you probably had something against me from the beginning, probably something to do with my husband not liking pop music and assuming that means I must not be the type of person you like. Sigh...

Maybe I'm wrong.

perfect sense huntress

oh fgs!

I 'm having issues with your husband for not liking pop music .

I know it has been hot today but still....

OP: I think it's an interesting question actually (and it's developed into an interesting discussion). We have a part-time nanny, we're very happy with her, & I too would be very very reluctant to ask her things like that (so far, thankfully, I haven't had reason to). But I think there is an essential issue here which hasn't been discussed on this thread really, and which is exactly the main difference between being an employer to anyone else & being an employer to a nanny. With a nanny, you want- ideally- the most continuity you can manage with your child, as attachment to specific people is important for small children. Right now, DP, me & our part-time nanny (about 20 hours a week) look after our DS & it's been that way since he was 5 months, & I'm so happy with the arrangement, I would make many small compromises to ensure she could stay. That obviously wouldn't mean I would compromise on something huge, but I really really like her & we have a good relationship, & I don't think huge compromises are likely to be expected. But small ones could (and they have, and I've dealt with them by usually putting aside some things).

So you wouldn't want her to leave the job, and that's a very important factor to consider. What I dread is attitudes such as those of Blonde who said she might leave the job if her employers asked her to not listen to the radio. Really Blonde?! And you've been, you say, with the family 3 years, so obviously you're close to the children & enjoy working there. But you would leave for something like that??? See that's the kind of attitude that scares me (although I do agree with most of Blonde's other points).

If you're any other type of employer... sure, continuity is good, but there is much less emotionality involved usually, compared to everything having to do with a child. So it's easier to dictate rules & to ask employees to stick to them.

Huntress, Don't let Laquitor bother you. I think you are right about her coming her having something against you from the start. Laquitar has a history of comming onto the nanny threads to cause trouble because she doesn't approve of us working full time and handing our children over to childcare. I have been biting my tongue, but she has now said enough that I thought you should know her history.

Laquitar doesn't really know anything about being or having a nanny. She just likes to get involved so she can criticise working parents.

Incidentally, I think you have been a good employer here. You came on to get some feed back to make sure you had a good perspective and what is or is not generally acceptable among nannies and employers. You came to a sensible plan, which I assume you will now execute. job done. Why is this thread still going on? I suspect people are bored so just keep posting. There's not much else happeneing on the nanny threads just now.

tbh maria2007 - if a nanny is happy in her job she will compromise and try to work things out whatever the problem is - though if it is the icing on the cake, if lots of petty things have happened, then as nannys often work 11/12hrs,you HAVE to be happy in your job and as a nanny the job is obviously one that you need to get on/click with parents then yes that nanny may leave

i think i would find it very hard to not have radio on, and be in total quietness - would i really leave my perfect job - no - but then ive been there a long time, and i KNOW my mb wouldnt make me do that iyswim

if you have a problem with something your nanny does, then by all means tell her but

guess in my circumstances, if i had been allowed to do something for 3+yrs whether listen to radio/take children out/using phone etc then for it to be taken away/not allowed to go out etc - it would annoy me - would i leave - hmmmmmmmm ........ not this family, as i love them dearly - they will have to kick me out to make me leave

im a very bubbly outgoing blonde nanny and this is why my familys always employ me - they always mention they like my bubbly personality - and I work for the same kind of familys as me iyswim

"Do you think nanny would think we are overreacting and being strange if we ask her to not listen to the radio with DD around? That's really what we want"

huntress says in her Op that what we really want - but she has decided maybe after this thread to compromise as doesnt want to piss off her fab nanny and therefore to ask nanny to turn down radio/have it off for meal times is a fair compromise