Really offended by this!!

[aGalChangedHerName]

Do i need to get over myself about this??

Had a call from a potential new parent. Perfect age (3 years) perfect hours and mum seemed lovely on the phone. Chatted briefly about my current minded children and a bit about my family etc. Seemed really keen so all good.

Arranged to meet with parents, had a text on the morning of the visit from mum saying that she wasn't coming as her dp didn't want to have his dd cared for by me as i had young boys in my home. I couldn't understand it and texted her to ask did she mean my ds's??? Yep she said. I mean WTF???

She hadn't even met my dc or myself or DH. My ds's are actually pretty fab and my current parents love my dc. Ds1 is 17.7 and had a Disclosure and ds2 is at school and is 13.6.

I was pretty offended and can't believe that a parent would make a decision like that without even meeting someone. I could understand it if they met us and didn't click iykwim? But jeez what a loon!!

Pixinanny glad you found the thread. And she thinks i'm the moron,jeez.

I don't know where the comings and goings of teens comes from. There are honestly no coming and goings from anyone in my house.

Ds2 leaves for school at 8am and returns at 4pm. DH leaves before 7am and returns at around 7pm and ds1 leaves for work at either 5.30am or 1pm for work and that's it lol.

The only comings and goings are from me and the dd's/mindees.

I don't use a CM but would absolutely have no problem using one with older boys, my DC's have first cousins mainly boys ranging from 7 to 26, they are the youngest at 3 and 1. We also socialise with friends who have a wide ranging age group of children and it works out really well.

If in your house it isn't a problem then it's fine, but in some houses it's something that should be discussed with the teens themselves. For me it wasn't really a problem as I was either out or in, but my little sister has always been in and out and has friends coming and going constantly, for example. That's what I assume they mean by the 'coming and going'. If your teens are more like my sister int hat they have different friends around and in and out of the house then as long as they're all sensible (which I'm sure that they are) it's something that doesn't matter, that's the way I see it.

And I'm quite disturbed by that thread, I'm 20 and wouldn't dream of looking at an under-18, but then I just prefer guys my own age I s'pose lol

Wow, isn't it amazing how your words get jumped on here

Yes, by comings and goings I mean the normal circulation of friends that teenagers have. If I was going to vet a CM, it wouldn't be appropriate to vet every friend of the family, but that is exactly what I would want to do if I was leaving a young child in a household where there were many young adults present - and it also wouldn't be at all appropriate for me to stipulate that the teeangers should not have their friends over while my child was in their house! For that reason alone, I decided to use a nursery, and I suspect that's why the parents in the original post did not want to go ahead with this OP as childminder. Nothing wrong with that - their needs and the childminder's family were incompatible. No-one's right or wrong here....

Sorry, I am on her side, though I am sure that she doesn't mean it to be an insult to you personally. A huge percentage of sex offenders are actually under 18. I was abused by a neighbour's 16 year old son when I was 7, so I have always run shy of teenage boys around my young girls. I know that is a very personal response, but valid nonetheless.

so i finaly ventured back to Mumsnet talk, posted on a couple threads , wondered why i hadn't been here for ages then started reading this thread . . . . oh yeah Trolls and rows.
backs away from Mumsnet talk again .

so sorry to hear that Polly but a cm isnt allowed to leave her charges unattended with anyone anyway, not even another parent at pick up, you are always supposed to be with them so noone could or should have the oppertunity to abuse anyway.

When my DS was 17 he was babysitting my minded children ( all girls) he used to frequently have sole charge of a 2, 4, 7 band 9 year old and he was asked to pick them up from school in HIS CAR, by the parents.

thebody, i think maybe the supposed/should angle put the mother/father of?

i mean lets face it it doesnt matter how many rules and regulations you put in place, you cant prevent awful things happening to children as in pollyglot's case, so maybe she is just trying to protect her little one in the only way she knows how, by not placing her in situations she doesnt feel 100% happy with. Dont agree with the mother but i do understand her pov.

thebody - abusers can and do abuse with responsible adults in the next room. I can only imagine it added to the thrill...if you understand what I'm saying and how I know. If someone wants to abuse they will find a way.

I'm sorry i started this thread

I honestly couldn't understand why anyone would say no to using my service without meeting me or my family. I realise that people who have experienced abuse from someone my ds's age wouldn't want to use me.

I don't know the percentages or whatever but my ds1 is not an abuser. I don't need to 'open' my eyes etc to know that. Lots of teens are lovely and not abusers and are worth getting to know.

I am not taking it personally as i know now that there are obviously issues with the dad that i am not party to. I just hope they have managed to get a nice family for their dd.

Message withdrawn

Err i didn't call Womble a troll. Just in case that was aimed at me