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Original poster

Really offended by this!!

88 replies

aGalChangedHerName · 12/06/2009 08:11

Do i need to get over myself about this??

Had a call from a potential new parent. Perfect age (3 years) perfect hours and mum seemed lovely on the phone. Chatted briefly about my current minded children and a bit about my family etc. Seemed really keen so all good.

Arranged to meet with parents, had a text on the morning of the visit from mum saying that she wasn't coming as her dp didn't want to have his dd cared for by me as i had young boys in my home. I couldn't understand it and texted her to ask did she mean my ds's??? Yep she said. I mean WTF???

She hadn't even met my dc or myself or DH. My ds's are actually pretty fab and my current parents love my dc. Ds1 is 17.7 and had a Disclosure and ds2 is at school and is 13.6.

I was pretty offended and can't believe that a parent would make a decision like that without even meeting someone. I could understand it if they met us and didn't click iykwim? But jeez what a loon!!

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hercules1 · 12/06/2009 18:54

SO your son hasnt actually done anything criminal (thick emiticon).
ABsolutely barmy then.

Probably better off without a family like that tbh.

cory · 12/06/2009 22:31

surely teenage boys would not be hanging around the house in the daytime when the mindee is there?

or do they make a very domesticated kind of teenager these days?

Heated · 12/06/2009 22:47

My CM has 2 older boys & 2 younger ones and her boys are one of the reasons why we wanted her as a CM for ds. We will have no concerns at all about sending dd too when she's a bit older. In fact one of her older boys babysits for my two occasionally, he is fab with little children. I did however, have a few reservations about another CM whose very surly teenage boy put me off a bit as I wondered if he would find ds a bit irritating - ds likely to hero-worship.

Daft man, aGalChangedHerName, totally agree with your assessment of him.

PixiNanny · 12/06/2009 23:37

Womble a troll or something?

On the petty 17yo argument, it's people like you who just make everything worse for young people. Get over your ignorance and treat teenagers like people, as that is what they are. I'm 20 now, but at 17 I was running the college's charity group, was one of the lead councillors in my local youth council, studying in college and holding down a job. Funnily enough, there were teen boys involved in all of those as well.

Now, I volunteer at a charity shop, school and swimming pool, all of which have young (16-20) male volunteers.

I wish people would stop judging the whole of this generation based on the actions of the minority GR

Oligo · 13/06/2009 01:14

teenagers out in the world can be totally different to teenagers at home though.

Original poster
aGalChangedHerName · 13/06/2009 09:15

Mine is great at home and out and about.

Heated my ds1 has babysat for a few of my families too. Glad there are sensible families around lol.

My ds's are here on occasion,in holidays etc but yes they tend to be out most of my working day.

Womble did have another thread where she was lusting after her neighbours 17 year old son which i did think was a bit odd in view of her posts on this thread

If they had met us and didn't like me/ds1 or whatever i would have been fine with that. I have met with parents and not clicked and not given them the space so it works both ways you know?

OP posts:
gonaenodaethat · 13/06/2009 09:21

I think I'd be more offended if they'd met my sons then said that.
At least you can just put it down to prejudice and their shortcomings.

Original poster
aGalChangedHerName · 13/06/2009 09:25

Yeah i know what you mean. If they had bothered to meet them they couldn't have said anything bad tho.

Oh well they will be some other poor CM's problem thank god. Most of the CM's in my area are well established with older dc so she may well have to go for a nursery and hope there are no male nursery nurses there eh?

OP posts:
TrinityRhino · 13/06/2009 09:34

I hope womble is a troll or having an EXTREMELY bad day

wombleprincess · 13/06/2009 10:26

aGalChangedHerName, satisfied with yourself? is your life really that empty that you have to resort to being quite a nastly little piece of work on mumsnet?

hercules1 · 13/06/2009 10:29

agal - All the childminders I have used have had teenagers. Very odd to be put off by this. I have a teenager of my own at home and if I were childminding and a parent said this I'd think I was well shot.

Womble - no idea whether you are a troll or not but you do seem a tad extreme.

wombleprincess · 13/06/2009 10:33

maybe you think i am extreme but people are allowed to have opinions and not get hounded out on other posts by an OP. or maybe not. oh and if you bother to read all the posts some people did actually agree with me.

Now if aGalChangedHerName wasnt such a moron then she would read the opposing opinioons and take on board some of the qualms expressed and when a prospective parent/customer next calls her she is sensitive to how some people might react and make it clearer how wonderfully charming her 17 year old son is.

PixiNanny · 13/06/2009 11:01

Yep, troll.

And lol, what has aGal done wrong? I see nothing here that suggests that.

...

I shall stop feeding the troll now and be a good girl

PixiNanny · 13/06/2009 11:02

Oh, and link to this thread aGal? Not that I disbelieve you, but I'm hoping that's a fib about the lusting after a 17yo

wombleprincess · 13/06/2009 11:04

oh go on keep feeding. just really hope none of you halfwits ever look after my children.

PixiNanny · 13/06/2009 11:30

And I hope that I never have them, with a mother like you

Original poster
aGalChangedHerName · 13/06/2009 13:34

Pixinanny sorry can't do links but she did start a thread yesterday about it. You could do a search if you could be arsed. I am bored with Womble now so i shall trot off now lol

OP posts:
Paolosgirl · 13/06/2009 13:47

I'm afraid I think I would have problems with it too - sorry. I know it's based on nothing, but if I'd used a childminder when DD was little I don't think I'd have wanted to leave her with a family with teenage boys, with the comings and goings of a normal teenage household - and I've got a son who is 12.

Perhaps she thought it might be easier to be up front with you, rather than meet you all, and then have to come up with an excuse? It's not as if she's been rude, she's just said no thanks. No big deal IMO.

Original poster
aGalChangedHerName · 13/06/2009 13:53

So family life (which is what a CM is all about) should only have certain people in it? No teenagers etc?

Yes i agree it's her choice but sad that they are limiting who their child comes in contact with imo.

I am no longer annoyed tbh just thankful and feeling like i have had a lucky escape.

OP posts:
thebody · 13/06/2009 14:12

I am a cm ands have 3 men at home my dh and 2 dss, 19 and 18.

The mindees love them and of course they are all C.R.B. checked.

I would be very very offended if someone wouldnt choose to use me because of them but hey its her choice... her loss..of course their mates visit but they go upstairs, where the mindees arent allowed so thats not an issue anyway.. chalk to experience and take no notice..

nannynick · 13/06/2009 14:21

I am friends with a childminder who has a teenage son and a teenage daughter (both are college age) and I'm not aware that she has had any issues with parents not wanting to use her service due to her older children being around occasionally.

Not sure what the reasons are why people don't like teenagers being around... 'the comings and goings' - what does that mean?
If a CM has teenagers, then they are unlikely to permit their teenage children to have wild parties during childminding hours!

thebody · 13/06/2009 14:31

oh and actually to just add to that, the 18 year old recently went on an end of school pub crawl dressed as a cow..the mindees loved it and still talk about it.

I think when parents choose a cm they realise the children will be in a family atmosphere and like that.

Also all sensible cms have the talk with their own children about acting appropriatly around the mindees.. Last week my 19 year old stubbed his toe and after a beat shouted 'OH THAT REALLY HURT' obviously the response would have been different without little faces looking at him..

Original poster
aGalChangedHerName · 13/06/2009 14:33

I actually spoke to my current parents about it and none of them could believe it. In fact a couple of them said it was the "family" thing that made them decide on me as their CM.

They thought that if my dc were that polite/well mannered and nice to the mindees that i must be a more than ok mum/cm.

Like i said i am over it and glad not to have had to take on a parent like that.

Had a call today as a matter of fact from a dad with a 2 year ols ds who is coming to meet me on Wednesday. He is looking forward to meeting the family,especially the ds's!!

OP posts:
Original poster
aGalChangedHerName · 13/06/2009 14:34

Lol Thebody. My ds's also have the polite versions when my dd's/mindees are around!!

OP posts:
PixiNanny · 13/06/2009 15:18

I googled 'mumsnet 17 lust' and it was the first link on there

My Mum was a CM and my older sister was 15/16 when Mum quit, but we still are friends with the mindees and their parents They liked the fact that their children grew up with three 'sisters' as it made them more well rounded... and they could use my sister as the perfect bad example for school haha She was notorious for getting in trouble, but as she was the Headmasters 'teachers pet' she got away with everything hehe

On one hand I understand not liking the idea of teens being about due to the 'comings and goings' of other teenagers in the house, however, as long as the CM makes it clear that her teenager's friends are to behave responsibly and ensures that then I see no problem. My Nan's a foster carer and also has my 17/18yo cousin living there. He left school at 14 (still had lessons elsewhere one day a week) and though he was a horrible kid then, he's always been great with the kids and around them, and that's what matters. And now he's just as bad and always has mates around but more often than not he's regulating them himself to ensure they are safe to be around the kids!

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