ive fallen out with my childminder

[nailpolish]

i told her last week that we are moving house (80 miles away!) and she was miffed, because (isnt it bloody obvious?) i am stopping taking dd's to her 2 days a week.

i gave her enough notice, still paid her her due holidays, and she just went in the huff. we had a row this morning (i was very tired because ive just come off nightshift) because she told me because i am stopping taking dd's, she has had to cancel her family holiday to spain!

she has made me feel responsible for the whole holiday thing.

she also went on to say her husband has been made redundant. i said i was very sorry to hear that, she just laughed. of course i am sorry, i thought we were friends to be honest.

it IS a shame about the holiday, but what can i do?

i ended up telling her i wont be bringing dd's again. ill just have to work weekends so dh can look after them

how crap is this

NP

She just thought it wholly inappropriate re the sleep over and she was spitting feathers re the car seat.

My CM is of the old school, she has been minding kids forever, I have so much confidence in her that even if she wasn't OFSTED registerd I would still send him.

ssd i think shes panicking, about money, and taking on more kids too than shes allowed, esp after school time. i know she has an inspection coming up, she asked me if she could change dd's days that week if the inspection was to fall on one of their usual days (they only went 2 days a wk)

and she has taken on another 6 mth old, the same age as my dd2, she did this before i left. i dont know what the exact quota is but i was a bit worried when she told me this.

anyway, as you say, she could turn it around and use her cm -ing to her advantage and get good business, but as i say i think she is panicking. maybe she is saying her dh is a 'helper' allowing her to take on more kids?

i want to tell the care commission, but im a bit frightened too re what will happen to her.

and she could say that she offered to take dd1 out for the day/sleepover AFTER the cm contract was over, therefore she was doing it as a 'friend' as opposed to a cm in the professional manner. does that make sense? or is that not relevant anyway

i don't have any experience of child minders, but i'd definitely report her, she sounds very unprofessional. do it after you've left if you're worried about repercussions.

Nailpolish, I can understand you being wary. She sounds like a nightmare TBH and I'm glad you are leaving her soon for your daughters sake! There are limits to numbers, eg. only 1 under 1 allowed at a time, 3 under 5 and not more than 6 in total including the childminders own kids. If she is saying her husband helps then he needs to prove he is registered and police checked. Anyway if you're unsure then report her once you move away. But please don't forget to do this, there are limits in place re. numbers for a reason and I hate to think of anyone cramming in kids like sardines to make more money then giving them the barest of attention.

Oooh, she does sound dodgy, doesn't she. My childminder is really very professional - she clearly loves my two, especially DD1, to bits, but it's all very clear; and quite honestly she's so sought-after that I wouldn't worry even if an emergency move came up for us!

i loved my cm when we first started sending dd1 2 yrs ago, we got little reports each day and dd1 was always clean and tidy when we picked her up, (she is an outdoor girl, we used to send 2 changes of clothes and she would go through them both! and both used sets would be washed and dried) (although this was not expected, i thought it was great she had thrown dd's clothes in the wash with her own)

but recently, the reason i think she has taken on more kids, is dd's are never clean anymore, dd2 is always covered in her last meal, dd1 always has muddy knees and the clean changes of clothes are still in the bags

i am beginning to make myself feel really bad cos i sent dd's there feel upset

hope you all dont think i was a bad mother for sending them there, she really was a great cm at the start, she just cant cope just now i dont think

the other petty thing that used to annoy me was we take dd's quite early, 715am, which was fine at the start, bur recently since her dh has been made redundant, she answers the door still putting on her dressing gown, clearly just that second up out of bed

thats apart from the times she is still sleeping and doesnt hear the door, dh is standing in the pouring rain hammering the door with 2 wet dd's fumbling with his mobile to call her to try anbd wake her up

hope you all dont mind me getting this off my chest like this

Are your girls still going to her , even at times when she has the 6 month old too. Personally I wouldn't be happy with that, as it exceeds her limits for under 1's, and technically if you have paid she shouldn't take the money twice for that space if she has filled it, ie. you could ask for a refund, although you may not have a legal leg to stand on !

I would have thought the other CM's would be against her taking on more kids than she is registered for, it is business they could have after all ! If you think she is becoming lax about her standards and numbers you ought to report her, and certainly not tow the line at your inconvenience by making sure your kids are out of the way for her to pass her inspection.

Sorry, but I think it has gone beyond turning a blind eye out of suympathy for her finances. Roll on 3 weeks for you !

As you said NP she sounds as if she is panicking about money and is probably really stressed out about her husband losing his job. I don't think she has done herself any favours really - she could at least be out of bed in time to greet her mindees. Its probably a blessing in disguise that you have decided to move, because you would probably start to feel more and more uncomfortable at the thought of leaving your dds' there. I feel sorry for the kids that are still currently going to hear, as she is obviously not in the right frame of mind for cm at the moment. Hope you are not going to leave your double buggy with her!! Good luck for the move too.

no, i stopped taking them last week. i am paying her her months notice

hi fimbo, no, im not giving her the buggy! thats the reason i bought it (well she was going to give me the money but obviously she cant afford it) and im not giving it to her as a gift! might sell it to a friend who is having a baby soon, and already has a 14 mth old

have you heard from woodpops?

as i say everyone, if i wasnt moving house i would defo be sending dd's to a nursery or other cm from now on

Whole thing is reall odd np.
Of course you're not a bad mother! Sounds like it was perfect for you at one stage in your life and now that stage is coming to an end.
I wouldn't contact the Care Commision. What is this,a police state??!
However she is clearly quite fraught which is leading her to make all these mad suggestions. She obviously cares for the girls and in some way is trying to show you this and make up for her strop.
She is clearly floundering for whatever reason.
Roll on your new life and start thinking about your family, not here. You have/have had enough to deal with over the last few months.

XXXXX

PS Have you seen the new house recently? Is it nearly finished? What is your cm arrangement in the new place?

hi moondog

yes, i do believe she does care for the girls and is really going to miss them. how could she not, they are quite fabulous

there are lots of things to think about

her dh is now unemployed, she is panicking and taking on more children to get extra money, she cant cope with all the work

she is upset and stressed, maybe not sleeping well, very worried, no money, again not coping

she took it out on me

my dd's were not getting the care and attention they should have done from the cm

she (the cm) probably knows this, but what can i do? my priority is dd's, its not longer an issue as we have stopped

so do i just walk away? what about the other children?

ps
where we are moving to there is not much childcare, a couple of expensive nurseries, im going to do shifts at weekends (dh doesnt work weekends now) and see how it goes from there. i know the nurseries are pretty good as friends send their children there.

You're not a bad mother, NP, far from it!

MD, I'm gonna have to disagree with you - childminders are paid for doing a job, and they should do that job properly.

If she doesn't, she can expect to be reported. If NP doesn't, someone else may, but there's too much "What if I'd done something sooner?" for me to feel comfortable telling NP not to report her, especially with the ludicrous and unsafe suggestions she's made to NP.

Yes...hm and lm....I do see your point now re other kids still with her.
Np..would you feel able to say 'Look XXX, I feel really worried about you. Your'e obviously going through a hard time etc etc.'?

Sorry np!! Was away with the fairies and remembering something lonelymum had said!

moondog i think she would deck me

she just denies everything, i heard today at toddlers she is putting her prices up and has had another barney with another mother

i didnt take part in the gossiping i hasten to add, i just have good ears! i havent spoken to anyone else apart from dh, thats why im unloading in here on mn

God..it's tough.
Why don't you just ring the Care Commision, explain that you are not sure what to do about this situation and just give them the details? In that way, the ball is in their court and you will feel less of a snitch (not that you are one, I hasten to add, merely that you probably feel guilty about what you perceive to be snitching.)

im not going to do anything until i move house, too much of a big coward

Well, you'll be gone soon. She sounds ike an essentially good woman who has lost it. Lets hope her dh finds another job soon!

I'm still waiting for the latest on the new house np!

well, the kitchen and bathrooms are in, ive picked my carpets etc, arranged for them to go in the day before we move, have got someone else to turf the garden, and on saturday im meeting a blind salesman to get blind fitted the day before we move, im meeting him in the house with the builder (first time ill have seen the kitchen and bathrooms!) and all that needs done now is platering, skirting boards etc

really looking forward to my kitchen, well all out and got a modern trendy one (fitted oven and hob swoon)

cant wait to have a blank canvas, esp for dd's bedrooms

the salesman is for blinds, hes not blind himself! i keep calling him the blind man! lol

cant wait to see my en-suite faints at thought of bathroom without a million plastic ducks

Ooooh,lovely
Brand new house, and knowing that noone has had a crap in your toilet (apart from about 18 sweaty hairy builders that is-!)

She sounds like she's spiralling out of control - puitting prices up, losing it with the mothers of her mindees and taking on more children than she's meant to.

Wait till you move, then contact the Care Commission. That's what I'd do - I'm too "pillar of the community" (ie downright nosey) to let something like that lie. And you'd feel awful if anything happened - I can't shake the totally inappropriate "child in childminder's bed" image - not right IME.

Oh np, en suite is heaven on a stick!!
(Although dd insists on coming specifically to our toilet for a crap! Grrrrrrrrrr)
God help me, sound like Joash now don't I?
Quick someone, stop me thinking about excrement!

lovely - not

thanks for that!

french doors from kitchen to garden, downstairs toilet and utility room, wardrobe each in our bedroom

(bored yet?)

thanks for asking!