ive fallen out with my childminder

[nailpolish]

i told her last week that we are moving house (80 miles away!) and she was miffed, because (isnt it bloody obvious?) i am stopping taking dd's to her 2 days a week.

i gave her enough notice, still paid her her due holidays, and she just went in the huff. we had a row this morning (i was very tired because ive just come off nightshift) because she told me because i am stopping taking dd's, she has had to cancel her family holiday to spain!

she has made me feel responsible for the whole holiday thing.

she also went on to say her husband has been made redundant. i said i was very sorry to hear that, she just laughed. of course i am sorry, i thought we were friends to be honest.

it IS a shame about the holiday, but what can i do?

i ended up telling her i wont be bringing dd's again. ill just have to work weekends so dh can look after them

how crap is this

sallystrawb - that is EXACTLY how i feel!

as you say, dd1 would be more than happy with some icecream and park. even a trip on the bus or train to see cm's little boy play football - its a 10 min bus or train trip, and dd LOVES the train. i would give cm the fare!

im just going to have to bite the bullet and say no. im going to get dd's to make a little thank you present for cm and we'll pop round before we move house

thanks, feel reassured im not being silly as you have all said you would do the same

Could you invite the CM out for an afternoon with you and your DDs?
I wouldn't allow my kids to travel in a car without a carseat, it just isn't worth the risk.
Maybe you could go with them and enjoy a day at the beach yourself?

avalon - that is what dh said 'sounds a bit wierd' cant put his finger on it, just wierd

would feel too strange going too considering i had a huge barney with her the other morning. i might invite them all round, thats a nice idea

I would say no. Trip is too long and too far away ( if your child is unhappy), no seat in car is not safe. And for child to sleep in childminders bed with her is COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE

It sounds as if she is generally v upset about things atm, innapropriately took it out on you - but i guess we've all done that from time to tiem, and is now, rather clumsily, trying to make it up to you.

Ithink you are right not to complain about her, and maybe you could just turn down the day out as graciously as poss, but sau=y, yes it would be nice to have a treat, and suggest some minor event that doesn't involve travel in car or staying over on another night.

I would continue to send your DDs there, and give her the perfume, too - on the last day.

Hope it all settles down and becomes sunnier.

Hi Nailpolish
Apologies here but reading your thread re "treat " from cm sorry I now think shes gone a tad 2 far now "lost the plot".
This I would see as very irresponsible & more worrying from a childcarer goodness does her C/minders licence qualify her to have overnight mindees? (some do & with all the rules that need to be adhered to etc).
It seems that this c/minder needs to retrain for the legal responsibilities for working as a childminder the do's & don't's whilst being licenced.
Myself would be sacked immediately if I would to do or suggest to carry one of my charges in a car in-appropriately (shes a mummy herself what is she thinking....or Not!)Poor darling is she having a breakdown!

From your now explaination...I now really think relevant departments should know of her suggestions etc...of course not necessary to have her licienced pulled or put on hold (especially as before she has been a responsible, caring & loving person) but for them to help her through her issues. Thank goodness you are totally "switched on" some mummies may not be for whatever reason (heavily preggies & toddler..no disrepect intended ladies). I think it is now poss a danger for the children to be with her (accidents impending...not being swiched on)
My goodness I still can't believe what I read..Wow

i have to phone her tonight, how do i word it? i dont want to lie, like eg 'weve got something else on' or similar

how about i just say 'thats a lovely suggestion but im not sure dd would be happy to stay overnight and i dont want her to be in the car without a carseat' ??????????? theres no point offering her mine cos then there would not be enough room for cm, her dh and her 3 children. i just want to forget all about the whole thing and move on

whatever i say she will take it personally

we are moving house, leaving the area in 3 weeks and i wish it would hurry up

im bound to bump into her before then

how about you say that but finish it with 'would you like to come for lunch on x date so we can say thank you and goodbye properly?'

yes, good idea

Try not say something that can be answered two ways...when you are only wanting the person here No thank you & then ditto thatMud finished off by saying.

At the end of the day "don't beat yourself up" I am sure you have all (your family) have a lot more on your mind...moving house etc. My advice when you agin meet her Re your offer etc thankyou but no thankyou & continue to how a delightful conversation thanking her etc if you feel she deserves one for the time & care she Has given to your child/ren etc & leave...giving no room for her to find another way round "treat"...plain & simple as if nothing had happened & in 3wks time you are moving with more positive & again happy thoughts. Next cm if any check all policies, grevience policies & references etc

Good luck in your house move.

Just read this thread.....jaw still scraping on floor! IMO the only person a child should be sharing a bed with is his/her parents/main carers. If it doesn't feel right, then don't do it.

I can't believe what she suggested. I'm a registered childminder and I feel that to have asked you this is way out of line and totally inappropriate.

I'm sorry but I would DEFINATELY report this to the care commission. This is so way out of line it defies belief. And I know my care commission officer would be APPALLED if she thought a childminder was behaving like this.

she sounds strange and I'd say thanks but avoid too much further contact tbh.

OMG

cant believ this thread...

No way should ANY responsibel person even THINK about traveling with a child NOT in proper car seat, nor have too many in the car cause then all prob with insurance if an accident.... normal car is for 5 peopl max... anymore and insurance DONT have to pay out if they dont want to.

Im a nanny and simply would not even DREAM of carrying a child without a car seat, not even down the raod!

Dont let your child go (sure you wouldnt anyway!) and as for sleeping in her bed... well thats simply NOT right either!

thanks everyone.

i called her and ended up lying. feel a bit ashamed but im not very good at confrontation! i said we had a family barbeque organised at the last minute at a friends house 20 or so miles away, so thanks but no thanks. she said 'well why dont you go with dd2 (who is only 6 mths) and dd1 can still come to mine for the weekend. i said we wanted to take her with us, we would be staying at friends all night.

she was actually PISSED OFF with me. i casually said if its a nice day and you are minding ............. (dd1's little friend from cm's, a 3 yr old boy) that day, give me a call and you could come round for lunch, they could play in the garden.

she seemed keen, but i dont know if she will call. not sure if im bothered.

anyway, we spent all day today hiding in the house, only venturing out a specific times when we knew they would be at football match etc, cos she only lives across the street!

tbh, even if i wasnt moving away from the area i would be thinking about taking dd's to a nursery/other cm instead, although round here the local cm's are in a little clique.

still dont know whether to tell the authorities or not.

still dont know whether to get her a little card from dd's or not

but thanks all for your supportive replies

im afraid i go with most of what s been said here especially the car seat issue and the sleeping in same bed.that is def an unprofessional thing to do and i would call your equivalent of OFSTED as that is out of order and could be misconstrued (how old is your dd) do you know her well enough to think this is o.k ..personally i think its a bit wierd and i would be worried about other children if this is her idea of proffessionalism !! surely shes been on courses to say this is a no-go area and is she allowed to have children overnight? please contact ofsted ..

dd1 is 2 and a half. she has minded dd1 for 2 years but if you think about it i still dont know her from adam. less so her dh. i have sort of got to know her but only on a professional level, in my eyes anyway

i think she is finding it hard to cope with everything that is going on in her life, dh says its not really got anything to do with us, and he is glad we "got out when we did"

nailpolish, I think you're being too nice. Her suggestions are outrageous (particularly asking for your dd to stay overnight). I wouldn't bother with a present and would avoid all contact with her. Thank goodness you're moving! Good luck.

Nailpolish PLEASE PLEASE contact the care commission. Look for their number in google.

You could do it anonomously if you feel uncomfortable. But this behavour ir wrong and you must know that. And I'm sorry but I feel by not reporting her and "turning a blind eye" you are leaving her to carry on as she is and I'd hate to think of my child going to a childminders where she wanted to have the child stay over and to carry her in a car without a seatbelt.

Im surprised you didnt deck her after working a night shift and bieng confronted with all that nonsence nailpolish! well done for your restraint.
Good luck though, three weeks cant come soon enough i suspect!

i didnt know i could do it anonymously. but surely cm will know its me???!!!

im a big coward, ill maybe wait til i move so theres no chance of her coming to my door. her and the cm clique around here.

does anyone know what will happen when i call the care commission?

Wait until you move, have lurked on this thrread, until I had a chance to speak to my CM, she was horrified.

but what will happen? what did your cm say lgj? i dont want to make her situation worse, her dh has been made redundant

Nailpolish, I haven't ever contacted the care commission but by law every childminder has a complaints policy and in Scotland it states you should contact the care commission if the parents have any sort of complaint/or wish to discuss things further with the registering body(0141 843 4230). If the area is different to mine (eg. Paisley) they will give you the correct number. I'm sure they would respect your wish to discuss things in private, I guess any complaint made by a mum against a childminder she has used is a very sensitive subject and they would know how to deal with it best.

I hate to slag off a childminder on here as I don't know her and I'm a childminder myself, but her attitude and what she has asked you is frankly shocking. If only for the travelling by car seat, or lack of one. TBH that's fairly basic and she can't bend the rules to suit herself no matter what. I know what you mean about cliques, it's the same round here, but remember you are moving away and who knows some of the other childminders might be appalled at her attitude secretly and be glad someone has reported her.

And I don't want to be mean to her, if her DH is being made redundant surely her childminding business will be all the more important and she'll have to adhere to the rules no matter what?

HTH ssd xx