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Cuddles - Should your nanny/childminder or staff at nursery cuddle your child?

37 replies

jothorpe · 20/04/2005 10:51

Child Protection is a major thing these days but sometimes it does perhaps go a bit far.

For example, it appears that some day nurseries take the attitude that cuddles are not acceptable in the nursery environment. Do parents really support that view? Do parents send their babies to nurseries that won't cuddle their baby when they are upset?

What about Nannies and Childminders... would you use a childminder who refused to cuddle an upset child because there could be Child Protection issues?

What are your views... should childcarers cuddle children, or is showing such affection to children totally inappropriate these days?


OP posts:

compo · 20/04/2005 10:53

Cuddling is so important. Would be shocked if they didn't cuddle an upset child. Especially as my ds went to nursery from the age of 5 months


bundle · 20/04/2005 10:53

is this for an article?


TheVillageIdiot · 20/04/2005 10:55

Of course they should cuddle your child. espeically when some babies are in nursery from 8 weeks old.


lou33 · 20/04/2005 10:55

Bundle you beat me to it?


pinkmama · 20/04/2005 10:55

God, I think cuddles are really important, not just from parents but all their carers. Its really important to me that the children have a lot of affection. If I am not there then I would want the people I trust to look after him to do it.


jothorpe · 20/04/2005 10:57

Bundle, nope, just thought I get some opinions as I read this morning over at NJ a thread about this subject and I was quite shocked that a day nursery would tell staff that they were not allowed to cuddle children.

OP posts:

ragtaggle · 20/04/2005 11:01

I'd be so upset if my nanny didn't cuddle my child. She loves them - asks for a 'duddle' all the time - would definitely refuse to use anyone who didn't think that cuddling my child was something they should do!


madrush · 20/04/2005 11:05

I couldn't leave my child in a nursery where she didn't have lots of cuddles, whether upset or not. Presumably this is some big chain nursery who are going ott to protect themselves from potential abuse claims. The cuddles must be the best bit of nursery work I'd guess!


tarantula · 20/04/2005 11:07

wouldnt leave my childwith someone who didnt cuddle her. Luckily havent had to do that yet but when I was teaching I certainly cuddled the infant children if they were hurt etc. As they got older the physical contact obviously was reduced as children could then be comforted by words but small children need the reassurance of physical contact when upset and to not give it moves towards neglecting their emotional needs


NomDePlume · 20/04/2005 11:09

My DD is 3 in August and goes to a private nursery 2 afternoons a week. The majority of the staff on board have been with the nursery since it opened over 10 years ago, the staff turnover is amazingly low. The staff are affectionate (in an appropriate way) with the kids, and I wouldn't want it any other way.


UKMickey · 20/04/2005 11:17

This is actually a thread which was started on message board previously & I have just noticed that you have just started one!


lou33 · 20/04/2005 11:20

First thing ds has at nursery is a cuddle.


SkiBunnyFlummy · 20/04/2005 11:22

yes, everyone should cuddle children. they just shouldn't slip in for a grope. most children abused by family not by external carers (something like 90%) so perhaps only external carers should be allowed to cuddle children but family should NOT


wilbur · 20/04/2005 11:31

One of the hardest things about moving ds from his lovely, lovely small day nursery, where he had been part-time since he was 8 months old, to his nursery that's attached to his future primary school, was that he would no longer get the kind of physical attention of cuddles/help that he got from his carers at day nursery. I know they have to grow up at some point, and do more for themselves, and that there can't always be time for 20 minutes of cuddling and a story when there are 24 children in the class, but it did use to make me well up when ds was still trying to kiss and hug everyone goodbye at his new nursery likes he did at the old one. Cuddles are essential, IMO, and I would mistrust a nursery that didn't trust its staff enough to know what was appropriate.


CountessDracula · 20/04/2005 11:35

One of the first things I asked dd's nursery was if they cuddle a lot! I wouldn't have sent her there if they had said no. She always has big cuddles with the staff when she arrives.

I couldn't bear the thought of her being upset and no-one cuddling her.


feelingold · 20/04/2005 11:55

I too think cuddles are essential for very young children. One of my mindees loves to come and sit on my knee for a cuddle and a story when it is getting near nap time, I think it makes him feel very safe and secure and is then able to have a very comfortable nap.
I have always given my own kids lots of cuddles
(still do even though oldest is 9) so I would not dream of not giving my mindees cuddles.


uwila · 20/04/2005 11:58

Well this is no fun. Everyone agrees.

Of coursem there is an age where children should not be cuddled anymore. But, gosh for a babby or toddler, I think that a nursery environment that does not allow it as a rule, wow... that's just mean.

I think it can go to far. Like aI believe a child shouldn't be cuddled if he/she is upset because he/she is being punished for bad behaviour. Or, one time, I told DD no for something (forgot now what it was -- probably wanted a cookie first thing in the morning). She was bad that I said no and ran over to nanny. Nanny picked her up for a cuddle, which I felt was undermining my authority and I wasn't particularly happy about it.

But, to answer your question, I totally agree that my toddler wouldn't go to a nursery that expected not to cuddle a 2 year old.... ever.


jothorpe · 20/04/2005 12:13

What about if it were a male member of nursery staff, or a male nanny... would it make any difference?

I don't think it would, though not sure everyone would agree.

OP posts:

throckenholt · 20/04/2005 12:17

if they are staff memebers them presumably they have been vetted and are not child molestors - in which case gender makes no difference.


CountessDracula · 20/04/2005 12:18

nope, dd's keyworker is male. He gives her plenty of cuddles


CountessDracula · 20/04/2005 12:18

(he has been there 6 years)


Marina · 20/04/2005 12:29

If a male member of staff is fit to be employed by my dd's day nursery he is fit to give her a cuddle as and when, just like the rest of the staff. All in favour of men in daycare and at primary level
(Ds had a fabulous trendy teen nursery assistant at his nursery and he was adored by children and mums alike )
Where would we be without "X went splat on her nose in the home corner this morning. Cold compress and cuddles given"!


Pamina3 · 20/04/2005 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 20/04/2005 12:37

Cold compress lol! They only EVER seem to be used at nurseries!

I don't see how you CAN'T cuddle small children when they are upset - what are you supposed to do with a crying toddler? Sit it on a chair and give it a pep talk?


piffle · 20/04/2005 13:01

I recall when ds fell over at school and badly hurt his knee - all icky and bleeding with gravel in it, it was during lunch and teachers were dealing with an epileptic fit in the playground
The caretaker was the only adult around so he picked up ds gave him a cuddle and took him to the playground toilet, wedged the door open and washed his knee and dried his tears.
TEachers then marched in, dragged ds off him and in full view of ds told the caretaker off
They then sent home a notice to me describing a disturbing incident at school.
I spoke to the caretaker after talking to ds about what happened. I thanked him for being a good human being and helping ds.
I then told the teachers that while I understood why everyone is being careful, this kind of thing indicated it had gone too far. I was very angry indeed.
The caretaker took every care to make sure he was not isolated and 2 friends were watching as they had seen dd fall and were worried about him.
It has gone bananas I agree.

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