Cuddles - Should your nanny/childminder or staff at nursery cuddle your child?

[jothorpe]

Child Protection is a major thing these days but sometimes it does perhaps go a bit far.

For example, it appears that some day nurseries take the attitude that cuddles are not acceptable in the nursery environment. Do parents really support that view? Do parents send their babies to nurseries that won't cuddle their baby when they are upset?

What about Nannies and Childminders... would you use a childminder who refused to cuddle an upset child because there could be Child Protection issues?

What are your views... should childcarers cuddle children, or is showing such affection to children totally inappropriate these days?

Jo.

[oatcake]

cuddles - v important! the toddlers at ds's nursery know me well enough after 2 years to always run to ME for a cuddle when I walk in.

I totally oblige because children are cuddley!

If I found a child crying in the park with no adult supervision, I'd try and help it - regardless of whether I'd get shouted at by the carers ultimately, because I would rather it be me that aided a lost child than someone else... iykwim???

There's a huge difference between cuddles and gropes... and I'm trying, tactfully, to teach ds, aged 3½, the difference. It's sad, but I don't want to shelter him from the fact there are perverts out there...

[artyjoe]

Both myself and my DP are registering to be childminders and we intend to nurture the children in our care, which will include cuddles...and not only when they are upset. Most children are minded for 10 hours a day, it would be awful to deny them hugs if that is what they are used to at home.

Also, some parents like the idea that a man will be looking after their children as some do not have a male influence at home...although I am sad to say we have had to look very carefully at our policies to ensure DP does not put himself at risk such as the caretaker story earlier in the thread.

Having said all this, all parents will be very aware of the kind of childcare we will be offering and if they prefer their child not to be cuddled or hugged then we will suggest they find alternative childcare as I/we could never not hold a child who is in pain or upset or just needs to feel secure.

[Hulababy]

My DD has gone to a day nursery two days a week since being 20 weeks (or so). She is now just tiurned three. I would be very upset if the staff did not cuddle my little girl, and not just when she is upset or hurt - but just for being lovely and good Cuddles are very important IMHO, at this early age especially.

TBH I still find it ridiculous that teachers in primary/secondary are not allowed to touch children, even when distressed. I had a 12yo boy break down in tears on me a few years back - a close relative had just died and he wasn't coping. He was crying out for someone to look after him. And I have to say that, despite all my training, instinct did take over and I did put mya rm round his shoulder and chatted to him very calming and quietly. His mum thanked me a few days later, for not ignoring him or standing by watching only.

[KatieMac]

Childminder (even)

[KatieMac]

My DH is a reg /Mer (like me) and if the children are upset or fall they all (without exception) run to him, his name has been the first word of at least 4 children,

A number of our parents have chosen us because of my DH

He also does 'rough play' with them....and they love it.

Cuddles and contact are essential to a childs development

[beachyhead]

All for it, I would hate to have a nanny at home they couldn't cuddle up to on the sofa to read a book with......

[bakedpotato]

I met a horrid grand old bat a while ago. She told me that her grownup daughter had hired a nanny to look after the grandchildren, but she [old bat] had disapproved of the nanny very much because 'she kept kissing and hugging the children'

i think children need protection from grandmothers like that

[MarsLady]

well done you for speaking up for the caretaker and remembering to thank him. Lunacy the lot of it. The amount of parents that we've had at our school worry that the Reception teacher is male. What men can't enjoy working with children? He's fab!

[NomDePlume]

piffle, how awful

[Marina]

that's terrible Piffle. Poor man and poor ds.

[WideWebWitch]

Poor bloke. Agree with everyone, cuddles are important.

[morningpaper]

piffle, the poor man!

[piffle]

I recall when ds fell over at school and badly hurt his knee - all icky and bleeding with gravel in it, it was during lunch and teachers were dealing with an epileptic fit in the playground
The caretaker was the only adult around so he picked up ds gave him a cuddle and took him to the playground toilet, wedged the door open and washed his knee and dried his tears.
TEachers then marched in, dragged ds off him and in full view of ds told the caretaker off
They then sent home a notice to me describing a disturbing incident at school.
I spoke to the caretaker after talking to ds about what happened. I thanked him for being a good human being and helping ds.
I then told the teachers that while I understood why everyone is being careful, this kind of thing indicated it had gone too far. I was very angry indeed.
The caretaker took every care to make sure he was not isolated and 2 friends were watching as they had seen dd fall and were worried about him.
It has gone bananas I agree.

[morningpaper]

Cold compress lol! They only EVER seem to be used at nurseries!

I don't see how you CAN'T cuddle small children when they are upset - what are you supposed to do with a crying toddler? Sit it on a chair and give it a pep talk?

[Marina]

If a male member of staff is fit to be employed by my dd's day nursery he is fit to give her a cuddle as and when, just like the rest of the staff. All in favour of men in daycare and at primary level
(Ds had a fabulous trendy teen nursery assistant at his nursery and he was adored by children and mums alike )
Where would we be without "X went splat on her nose in the home corner this morning. Cold compress and cuddles given"!

[CountessDracula]

(he has been there 6 years)

[CountessDracula]

nope, dd's keyworker is male. He gives her plenty of cuddles

[throckenholt]

if they are staff memebers them presumably they have been vetted and are not child molestors - in which case gender makes no difference.

[jothorpe]

What about if it were a male member of nursery staff, or a male nanny... would it make any difference?

I don't think it would, though not sure everyone would agree.

[uwila]

Well this is no fun. Everyone agrees.

Of coursem there is an age where children should not be cuddled anymore. But, gosh for a babby or toddler, I think that a nursery environment that does not allow it as a rule, wow... that's just mean.

I think it can go to far. Like aI believe a child shouldn't be cuddled if he/she is upset because he/she is being punished for bad behaviour. Or, one time, I told DD no for something (forgot now what it was -- probably wanted a cookie first thing in the morning). She was bad that I said no and ran over to nanny. Nanny picked her up for a cuddle, which I felt was undermining my authority and I wasn't particularly happy about it.

But, to answer your question, I totally agree that my toddler wouldn't go to a nursery that expected not to cuddle a 2 year old.... ever.

[feelingold]

I too think cuddles are essential for very young children. One of my mindees loves to come and sit on my knee for a cuddle and a story when it is getting near nap time, I think it makes him feel very safe and secure and is then able to have a very comfortable nap.
I have always given my own kids lots of cuddles
(still do even though oldest is 9) so I would not dream of not giving my mindees cuddles.

[CountessDracula]

One of the first things I asked dd's nursery was if they cuddle a lot! I wouldn't have sent her there if they had said no. She always has big cuddles with the staff when she arrives.

I couldn't bear the thought of her being upset and no-one cuddling her.

[wilbur]

One of the hardest things about moving ds from his lovely, lovely small day nursery, where he had been part-time since he was 8 months old, to his nursery that's attached to his future primary school, was that he would no longer get the kind of physical attention of cuddles/help that he got from his carers at day nursery. I know they have to grow up at some point, and do more for themselves, and that there can't always be time for 20 minutes of cuddling and a story when there are 24 children in the class, but it did use to make me well up when ds was still trying to kiss and hug everyone goodbye at his new nursery likes he did at the old one. Cuddles are essential, IMO, and I would mistrust a nursery that didn't trust its staff enough to know what was appropriate.

[SkiBunnyFlummy]

yes, everyone should cuddle children. they just shouldn't slip in for a grope. most children abused by family not by external carers (something like 90%) so perhaps only external carers should be allowed to cuddle children but family should NOT