Is it just my au pair who doesn't do her basic jobs without being asked EVERY time???

[kittywise]

Some of you might know me through my au pair saga. We have had a real run of bad luck with them.

I use GUMTREE and not an agency as I've heard so many crappy things about agency au pairs being generally useless and people shedding out loads of money for a shite au pair which the agency won't make amends for.

Anyway the current au pair is studying English here, although her English is pretty good.
I got to meet her before deciding whether to accept her. Gave her extensive questionnaire I got from MN and asked her lots of questions, watched her with the kids etc. Got a good reference. etc.

Anyway, she came last Monday and all seemed ok, a bit manic here as we had lots of christmas guests.
She was very enthusiastic, the kids loved playing with her.

Then on the Thursday she came down with a cold and sore throat and has basically been out of action since then. She has done bits and bobs, but VERY slowly.

After she was with us a couple of days I gave her a very basic and simple routine and jobs that I would like her to do each day like, tidy dc's lunch boxes away, get dc's water at tea time, get pj's on at 6.30, help tidy kitchen after dinner.

None of this gets done without me asking first, everytime.
I've asked her if she understands the list, if she has any questions about it etc. She always says everything's fine with a smile on her face and then doesn't do anything.

Today was first day back at school and she also went back to college, so was well enough to do that, but arrived back 10 mins late to start her shift and been generally dragging her arse around and the house since.

The kids like her which is good and although I trust her not to hurt them in anyway I'm not sure I would be happy leaving her alone with them for longer than me going on the school run (20 mins).
When i came back from school today the baby was walking round with a terrible pooey nappy which had not been changed.
When she dresses the little ones ( only after I've asked) they have really inappropriate clothing on, like just jumper, no socks to go out in.

Now, I don't have a problem settling someone in, showing them the ropes, taking things slowly as long as they are showing willing and some sort of initiative.

Oh I don't know why I'm writing this. I suppose I just wanted to find out whether this is normal? Is it something that i should expect any au par to do?

Do other au pairs do this?

Thanks for reading, I just bloody wish i could find someone with a bit of common sense

And does her student visa allow her to take up paid employment?

When I was an MA studnet here yonks ago I was supposedly allowed to work up to 20 hours a week. I THINK was supposed to tell someone though and in principle seek approval...can't remember whom. When I asked the customs guy on entering the country at Heathrow he didn't think it would be a problem for me to work at one of the language schools teaching English, which is what I had done previously. I would imagine there is no need to panic about her au pairing on her student visa but maybe things have changed.

I think the rules have changed - current rules

Two key paragraphs

You must also:

be able to pay for your course and support and accommodate yourself and any dependants without working or help from public funds;

You must not:

take employment in the United Kingdom;
undertake part-time (up to 20 hours), or full-time vacation employment;
undertake a work placement or internship (paid or unpaid) as part of your course of study;

I looked into student visas earlier in the year and 20 hours a week still applied.....

There have been some very recent changes to the visa regs though.

Well, whatever the rules if she carries in improving i am not, in all honesty going to kick her out, but it IS something to consider should I find myself in the situation of hiring someone out of the EU.

Dad, its true in most cultures.. lol...except you of course...

when i did it i couldn't undetake the pt 20 hrs work W/O PRIOR APPROVAL.they did ask all about how much cash I had etc to support myself w/o working and how fees were to be paid.

it sounds like the rules have changed a bit though. high toleerance for bar restaurant work, babysitting when i was a student.

Sorry, dad. Nothing personal; but it's still so true in so many places. Try the AIBU or Relationship threads on MN, just for starters!

The visa rules all changed at the end of November - currently it is a bit chaotic and nobody in the Border Agency quite knows whats going on, e.g. everybody was expecting the USA to included in the Youth Mobility Scheme (any country where there is a reciprical scheme was expected to be included) and hence I had opened up to applications from the US for next years AP, then when the guidelines were published (two days before they came into force) no USA.

Echt - those are two places (of many) I am too scared to go on MN.

It's true the regs have now changed. Previously* student visas came in 2 types: ones with a prohibition on working and one where you had restrictions on your visa regarding the type of work and had to inform certain people you were working. Now you don't seem to be able to work but as I'm no longer working in the sector I can't comment with any authority!

What you may wish to check is the date her visa was issued and whether her old visa is still valid for work. There was a lot of humming and hawing about whether PhD students from overseas who had visas due to expire after the deadline and were working would be able to keep their jobs when the rules changed. It wasn't resolved when I left.

*This was still in force when I stopped working at an advice centre in a UK university this summer but was due to change in November.

Well i know your all against au pairs /nannies that are slack but yes a large majority of them are slack and im shocked, i am a mother of 2 young kids in australia, I have been advertising for months to be a nanny in the us or uk, i would need someone to sponsor me or someone to explain how i can be there nanny without a working visa. many thing scould be worked out i guess but....... Not one person/family is willing to give me a go. Yes i have kids that i have to bring, yes im qualified in childcare and first aid and so on with experience but still not one person in the world will give me a chance. I have offered people that i would take a lower wage in return for the fact i have my kids with me. I still have to buy things i need and things for my kids. Can i ask some of you people why people will choose a single lazy person to come work for them but wont give a hardworker a go.? Im just trying to understand the logic of it. I thought we lived in a world of fair chances. I feel we dont at the moment.....

I expect it's pretty difficult for someone in your situation to get a visa for the UK or US and bring their children. Maybe you'd be better off finding work in Australia? Few people would take on a nanny with two children of her own in tow, and coming from another country.

i know what you mean tankie, here in australia plenty of people are willing to give me a go. Its without a doubt the aussie way we give people a go.but i really wanted to experience another culture.But obviously thats not going to happen which is a real shame i feel. I guess its back to the drawing board.lol......thanks

aussiemum, what's the plan regarding your children? If you were looking for a live-in position, how and where would the kids be accommodated? Who would be bearing the cost of feeding them, doing their washing, etc? And what if they didn't get on with the kids in the household?

if you were looking for live-out, who would look after your children while you were working?

maybe these are the factors that are putting people off?

Aussiemum, wiht the credit crunch there are shedloads of nannies and au pairs available here and there is a downward pressure on nanny salaries as well, so I think your problem is too much competition - no-one is going to take on someone with kids versus someone without kids, especially because if it doesn't work out it is going to be a very complicated situation. I really think you will struggle to find anyone willing to hire you at the moment unless you are very very cheap .

And the problems we have with au pairs can't really be compared to your situation - they only earn £70 a week, so we only expect them to be mildly better than useless to start with!!! We expect all our nannies to work their socks off...

Thanks for your imput guys, I realise i am verse the single nanny, as far as my children i can fully support them from money i have whatever country i would be in. Its plenty to suffice for many years to come, on top of that my partner is more than willing to pay for expenses for all of us, he has a change of career coming where he wont be home BUT.... i have ofered to take as low as 100 pound a week for jobs that are advertised at 350-400 pound. im not after money more a chance to cut some living expenses and help a family and experience a culture, all at the same time. Accomodation wise well some families offer a 2bdrn cottage or a whole floor with queen bed in bedroom, living area, kitchen,bathroom and so forth, thats plenty of room.but anyways i have found a few lovely australian families that will take us at a great rate.more than acceptable....thanks to your replies

Kitty wise.... how are things going with your au pair now?

Has she managed to get the jist of everything?

Mine took off the week that she told me she was taking off (due to her having a cough)

This is her second week back at work and she too seems to be struggling with basics even though everything is written out very carefully for her.

Why do we have au pairs, someone please remind me

Aussiemumof2. a spare floor of house or cottage in the grounds???????? Have you ever been to UK before or should I ask what planet are you on??. Clearly not planet UK ..I am afraid that cuts out 99% of the normal hardworking families here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Our houses are tiny compared to yours (generalism I know) but really most families on MN can just about afford a nice AP / nanny room or am I in the poorer minority.... sob sob

hi julesnobrain. There really honestly are families in the UK that offer a 2bdrm cottage,and a whole spare floor..checkout aupair agencies and or gumtree.com, I myself am assuming they are at the top end of the employment income scale in the UK too. I figure this because some of these people are willing to pay 300-400 pound a week plus this large accomodation and as i am noticing, many low income families only pay around 70-100 pound a week. SO as you see i was obviously referring to the people who earn more than you do.Theres nothing wrong with being at the bottom end of the income rung. No i have never been to the UK thus why i want to, too experience a diffrent culture and to see what your lives are like. I have actually only yesterday applied for a position in the UK,the people have commented that they are at least interested, it would start here in Australia then me and my children can accompany them back to the UK with proper working visa. I am unsure on if i will take the position as the people i meet i may not get along with etc,but it seems like a good opportunity no matter what the outcome is.They are offering a 2brm cottage self contained, but all meals can be eaten with family or they will supply food for us to cook. They are offering a wage of 220 pound with my children there.There previous advertised wage was 350pound a week. Hours are 7am - 4.30pm and i can take care of my childrens care-bathing,feeding etc at the same time there children have these cares done. I feel this is more than a good deal. I can meet them next week.Looking after children is a constant job and very rewarding the same but i believe you get what you pay for,i myself would never employ a nanny for my children.... personal comment no offence intended. but i do understand the need for some families....well a big majority of families to do this.

Sorry but that is so funny.

Low income family that can afford to spend £70 - £100 on an au pair?

"bottom end of the income rung" but can afford an au pair and have a spare room in a house (and are living in a house not a flat somewhere).

You are sooooo going to experience a different culture when you get here.

Though not sure if you are going to get here, since we adopted the Australian system last year au pairs/nannies come in on the youth mobility schem but you can't do that with dependents. Other than that it is the highly skilled migrant route and nanny/au pair isn't on the list.

Good luck

I sense a bit of snobbery coming through on your behalf aussie mum.

England is a very expensive place to live in. My au pairs have all complained about how much everything costs.

I live in a lovely town (St Albans) but you would not be able to afford my house if you were at the bottom end of the income rung.

I may not be wealthy enough to offer my au pairs a whole floor (there are only 2 floors here) or a cottage in the grounds (maybe a shed? ) but I can offer a lovely family setting in a great area.

If I were to be wealthy enough to employ a nanny, I would at the very least expect them to know how to spell and the correct usage of "there" when it should be "their". Even my primary aged children know that.

Kittywise - I missed this thread when it first appeared - otherwise you would have got my input earlier(looking at the date you first posted, it was the first day of term and I have been working my bits off, but that's another story). Having had 'flu myself last month, I was going to say that she is probably under the weather.

Hopefully now she's feeling better, you'll see her true colours & they'll be shining thru. Also, hopefully, immigration won't be after you! I use aupairworld and have had several lovely German girls.

Hi PaulaMummyKnowsBest, No,no snobbiness here. Although I would like to say that I am not in the forum to spell correctly at the moment.I am just typing.I wasn't sayin it's at the bottom end of the rung, im merely saying that obviously some families can afford to have a whole floor or whatever the circumstance,I think it's wonderful that people in overseas countries can offer someone from another country the opportunity to experience your life in. Whether it be in a room, shed, apartment, corner - whatever it may be. There are low income families right through to being high income. I myself have been at the low income family point before.As I am young I am still not that far off it and it would be easy to slip straight back THERE. We all need to start somewhere, now im only in the middle class point but thats ok too. I believe life is about happiness not about money.. Now, i have friends in england and yes I do believe it is very expensive... Does anyone......well, I know no one has the answer but, why is it so expensive in the UK?

dadinsteadofmum: Hi as far as visa for nanny/aupair with dependants. The family that i am thinking of joining has been away from home for about 4 years in Australia. I can accompany them and my dependants if I have been working for them in Australia, so there's a loop hole. I like loop holes. It's kind of like the US au pair/nanny system, they have been trying to shove down my neck(figure of speech) for the last month that by US state law section bla bla bla i could not be a nanny in the US with dependants, I have to be skilled etc. After I took the liberty of reading US state law section bla bla bla I pointed out to these agencies that no where in it does it say a nanny/aupair can not have dependants which can accompany them into the US. I then had a company reply and say well, it's a requirement of our agency that you have no dependants, I asked where it stated that on their website and am still waiting for the reply....I think its quite funny.

Cause, if you want something bad enough you will keep trying and even if you never get that dream,then you know you did your best to make it come true.